Cracks in the Mirror
by Lexipandadanger
Summary: Catheryn is the Daughter of Bryce and Eleanor Cousland, thrust into the Grey Wardens when her family were betrayed by Arl Howe. Having suffered again by the deceit and betrayal of Teyrn Loghain, Catheryn has fought against the odds to unite the peoples of Fereldan and gather enough support for a showdown with Teyrn Loghain himself.
1. Chapter 1

((This is my fanfic between my Grey Warden and Loghain. Not AU as such, as it will follow the story about the return to Ostagar and then on to Redcliffe/Denerim for the final fight. After reading The Stolen Throne, I became a huge Loghain fangirl and saw him in a completely different light. Please Read and Review and leave any comments and suggestions. Dragon Age Origins, Thedas, Ferelden, Loghain and all other characters connected to the game belong to Bioware, Catheryn and her faithful mabari belong to me))

The silence of the room was deafening, the tension that filled the vast hall was overwhelming, causing the breath to catch in the chest, the heart to beat so hard against the rib cage that one could be sure every single being in the room could hear every single thump. Brown eyes fell to the pretty blonde, whose cheeks were stained with tears, whose chest shook as she tried to fight back the sobs that threatened to sound. The eyes then fell to the other blonde, a male, whose look couldn't have been any different if he tried. His amber eyes were filled with anger, hatred, a look that had never been witnessed before and one that caused the owner of the brown eyes to step back.

Taking a look around the room, the eyes fell, finally, to the man who was knelt on the floor looking up. His cold, ice blue eyes locked with the warm brown orbs. A soft sigh escaped from the owner, sword lowering to the floor as the woman held out a hand to the man in front of her. He nodded curtly and took it, helping himself up, to the roar of disapproval from the blonde male.

'No! How could you? After everything he has done? Everything he did to Cailan? To Duncan? How could you choose him over me? After everything we have been through?'

The young woman closed her eyes for a moment and let out another sign, calming herself as she looked towards the outraged male, almost lost for words, such was the ferocity of his temper.

'It wasn't about choosing him over you Alistair. This isn't about pride, this is about what is the best for Fereldan and all her people!'

'When he betrayed the King and Duncan, was he doing what was best for Fereldan then? Are you going to let your silly, childhood illusions of this man cloud your judgement?'

The young woman flushed red at the mention of this, not only embarrassed but also angry that he would use this as a weapon against her, something that she had revealed to him confidence.

'Duncan would have understood! We are not so many that we can dismiss the chance to defeat the Arch Demon and end this blight! The other wardens are too far away. Loghain is a skilled warrior, we need him in this fight and I will not execute him here without giving him the chance to redeem himself. He saved Fereldan once, maybe he is the one to do it again.'

'Well, you will have to do it without me, because I will not fight by his side and I will not call him brother. I will do my duty, as heir to the throne, but I will not be in the battle along side him!'

The young woman stared at Alastair for a moment. Her brown eyes locked with his amber ones. Despite his ways and despite the fact that he had, for the most part, let her make all the decisions and take the lead, Alastair had finally found the thing that would make him put his foot down, the thing that had made him find his courage and stand so firmly by what he believed in. She was glad to see it, even if she was saddened that it was this that finally brought it to the fore. They had always been close, united in grief and shared anger. But now, the distance between them was so wide you could fit the Arch Demon and all the darkspawn horde between them and still have space. The young woman bowed her head, her long brown hair falling forward before she raised it, her eyes locking with his once more.

'Very well your majesty, I wish you a long and happy reign.'

With that, the young woman turned on her heel, catching the thankful eye of the pretty blonde woman, who bowed her head in gratitude as she left. The man with the ice blue eyes followed her, as did the rest of the band of wayward strays that she had picked up along her journey. They walked in silence as they headed to the keep that had been home for the last couple of days. She was half surprised that they were still allowed inside after this, but she knew that Arl Eamon would understand that the need, for now, was greater than pride.

Pushing the door to her room open, the others filed off, still in silence, all except the man she had just saved, and, to her surprise, her elder brother.

'Fergus, what are you doing here?'

'Catheryn, I didn't get chance to talk to you at the landsmeet! Do you...are you sure this is the right thing?'

The young woman looked from her brother, to the man by her side and nodded, without a second thought.

'Yes!'

'Very well, I will leave you be. Be careful sister...'

'And you brother...'

Catheryn watched him leave and then turned to face the man next to her. Even now, despite everything he had done, despite everything that she had risked in order to keep him alive, she still found that she was taken completely with Loghain Mac Tir, the legendary saviour and hero of Fereldan. She had grown up on stories told by her father, the late Bryce Cousland, tales of Loghain, the reluctant hero, Loghain, the man who stood beside Maric in his quest to reclaim his throne from the Orlesians. Whenever Catheryn had seen him, he was everything the reluctant hero that she had imagined and even now, she refused to believe that there wasn't still some greatness left hidden deep inside this bitter man.

'Was that true? What Alai- what the king said?'

Catheryn peered at Loghain for a moment and then stepped towards the window of her room, looking down at the courtyard below, her eyes closing for a second as she thought back to the last few months and then shook her head.

'No, it was the look in Anora's eyes, as well as the fact that Fereldan needs all the help it can get. I know what it is like to lose my parents. I couldn't put her through the same pain, not there, in that room. I know you have little love for the Grey Wardens, but this is for the best.'

'You remind me of Maric, strong and yet fair, with a good heart. But be warned, that heart can get you killed.'

'It has served me well so far and it is that good heart that spared your life. You did nothing to avenge my parent's death, despite all you said back in Ostagar but still, here you stand, because this is what is best for Fereldan.'

Catheryn turned from the window and locked eyes with Loghain once more. She held the gaze defiantly, as though trying to add weight to her words and the intent behind them. But even despite her words, as she looked at him, she still couldn't help the stupid, childish view that she had of him and how she so desperately hoped that he wouldn't disappoint her again. Once again she turned from him, peering out of the window.

Loghain stood silent for a moment, taking in the young woman who stood before him. A pretty young thing, with long brown hair and warm brown eyes. She was built like a warrior and wore her armour well, however, she retained her feminine charms and, unlike most female warriors, it was quite easy to tell that she was a woman. In fact, so much so, she reminded him of another warrior that he had once known, a woman who he had loved with all his heart. She too would have challenged Loghain just as Catheryn had just done. She too would have highlighted everything he had done wrong and the only woman in the world who could ever make him feel as small as a mouse and as tall as a giant all at the same time. But she had belonged to someone else, and Loghain had spent years trying to forget her and now, with Catheryn Cousland before him, all those memories came rushing back and the worst part was, not all of them were painful.

'You are right, I didn't fulfil the promise made by the King to have Howe punished for your parents murder, and for that, I cannot apologise, for there are no words. But, as I am sure you are aware by now, when you believe you are fighting a wa-'

'We are fighting a war! It's just it's not against the Orlesians as you have kidded yourself, but against a greater and darker threat than any of us could have imagined! We leave tomorrow at first light, we are heading for Redcliffe, where the majority of our forces will be gathering.'

Loghain peered at Catheryn once more, noting the change in her eyes and the defiant tone in her voice. He gave her a curt nod and took his leave, giving a huff of disapproval as he went.

Moving from the window, Catheryn sat on her bed and began to remove the heavy armour that she had been wearing, sighing with relief at the freedom of movement she suddenly felt as the armour hit the floor with a clunk. She knew she should care for it better, but one thing she had never been good at was taking care of her armour. Even back at Highever, she would be forever visiting the blacksmith, trying to persuade him to knock a dent out of her armour without telling her father.

As Catheryn lay back on her bed, she looked up at the ceiling and let thoughts of her mother and father come to her head, of her little nephew running around the courtyard, wooden sword in hand, pretending he was slaying some monster in the stories that her brother would tell him, much to the dismay of his wife. A tear ran down her cheek as she thought of them, her right hand rising to quickly banish the tear before another one fell, but, it was to no avail. Maybe if she had listened to her mother, she wouldn't be here now, with the weight of an entire contininent on her shoulders and the lives of every being that lived there. Maybe if she had married and settled down, she would be hidden in the Bannorn somewhere, where her only duty was to approve the request that the men go and fight for Ferelden under her husbands banner.

But, that wasn't to be. She had watched as her parents gave up their lives so she could get away, betrayed by someone who claimed to be their most loyal ally. Her thoughts switched from her parents to King Cailan and Duncan, and all the men who had lost their lives by the treachery of Loghain, a man, the King assumed, was his most loyal and trusted ally. The King had been young, and a little naive, but he was harmless and this had been his first real battle. He had been the son of Loghain's closest friend and still, Loghain had managed to betray him. Had Catheryn done the right thing by letting him live. Alistairs reaction had been more than justified but was it really for the sake of Ferelden that Catheryn had let him live? If it had been at another time, when the need wasn't so dire, would she have been able to execute him?

Catheryn sat up with a start and wiped the tears away. Whatever the answer to that question was, she wasn't ready to face it just yet. For now, the most important thing was defeating the Arch Demon and stopping the Darkspawn horde before it devoured Ferelden whole.


	2. Chapter 2

Catheryn woke with a start, jumping up in bed, her face wet with, what, she didn't know. It was only when she heard the bark of excitement and heard the panting beside her bed that the rude awakening became all too clear. Pushing herself up, she looked to the mabari beside her bed as he sat and looked at her as though he was completely innocent. Frowning slightly, Catheryn slumped back on the bed and reached her hand out to stroke the dog's head.

'Good morning to you too Maric.'

The dog barked happily and jumped around on the spot, his stump of a tail trying it's best to wag its way off his body. Catheryn let out a rush of air as he jumped on the bed and proceeded to walk all over her, all the while panting and barkling in excitement.

'Shush, you'll wake the whole keep silly.'

She chuckled as he rolled over on to his back, showing his stomach for everyone to see. Pushing herself up, she rubbed his belly, watching him wriggle and roll over before barking once more and jumping back on to the floor.

'Ok, ok, I'm up. I guess you want feeding, that's usually behind these early morning wake up calls.'

Stretching and yawning softly, Catheryn ruffled her hair a little and looked around the room, feeling slightly disorientated. She hadn't slept well at all last night. Visions of the arch demon had come into her head, along with the sounds of the dark spawn. This was all part of being a Grey Warden and she had got used to the nightly visions, even if it meant that her nights were no longer filled with the normal things young women dream about. Last night had been particularly bad though. Catheryn did wonder whether it was because the Dark Spawn were growing in size, or whether it had something to do with the fact that Loghain would have gone through the joining ceremony last night. Catheryn remembered Alistair mentioning something about the other wardens sensing the joining, or perhaps, she had imagined that and he hadn't said such a thing. Sometimes, it wasn't quite clear whether the things running through the mind where real, or whether it was a case that the individual was slowly turning mad, something she definitely remembered Alistair mentioning on the night of her own joining.

Pushing herself from the bed, Catheryn looked outside the window, noting that it was only just beginning to get light again outside. Yawning once more, she went over to the bowl of water and was surprised that it was still warm. She hadn't heard the maid come in, which either meant she had been fast asleep, or she had been in the middle of one of the nightly visions. Catheryn was half surprised that anyone stayed within the vacinity of her whilst she was having one of her visions. From what Alistair had told her, they could be pretty intense and she seemed to be affected by the visions far more than was expected. Again, Alistair had explained that it was most likely due to the time of her joining and the fact that the dark spawn were so active at this moment in time. It was something that had worried Catheryn at first, again, the stories that Alistair had told her were troubling, especially for someone new to the Wardens and, someone as inexperienced with the outside world as she was.

Thinking about Alistair gave Catheryn both a twinge of pain and, a pang of guilt. Whilst a little exciteable and, sometimes he could infuriate her with his ways, she had grown fond of him. At night, they were usually the last to fall asleep, which meant they spent hours talking and growing closer. Whilst she wasn't in love with him, Catheryn had found that some nights, she had dreamt of the future and she had been by his side. Maybe it was being united in grief and anger that had made their bond so strong, or, maybe, it was because both were as inexperienced and clueless as the other and by standing by each others side, they actually had more chance of accomplishing something than if either had been alone. Yet, Catheryn had thrown away that bond so quickly, she wondered if the bond had been as real and strong as she had thought. Catheryn kept telling herself that she had done this for the sake of Fereldan and refused to listen to the little nagging voice at the back of her head that told her otherwise.

Once she was washed and dressed, Catheryn took one last look around the room she had been sleeping in, a part of her wishing she could stay there forever and pretend that all this had been a bad dream. But she knew that would be impossible, the joining had changed her life forever and there would never be any going back. Even if they all survived this and Fereldan was safe, there was no way that she could ever have a normal life again. Those days were gone and it still left a bitter taste in her mouth.

Leaving the room, she watched as Maric bounded down the hallway, most likely heading for the kitchen in order to cause chaos until he was given some food. Catheryn herself, wandered absent mindedly through the hallway, her footsteps echoing on the cool stone walls of the keep. It was only when she reached the dining room that her thoughts were brought back to the here and now as she stopped and stared at the two people standing outside, peering into the room.

'What's going on?' Catheryn tried not to laugh as she witnessed the red head and the elf almost jump through the roof in surprise. Seeing the look of shock on their faces was just enough to make Catheryn shake off the weird feeling that she had been having all morning. The red head looked a little embarrassed, whilst the elf quickly went back to his usual self, cool, calm and with an accent that could melt all the snow in Fereldan if it was silly enough to fall for it.

'Ah well, the new grey warden is in the room and, as he was behind me almost dying at your fair hands, I am not so eager to break my fast with him.' The elf had an Antivan accent as thick as the tan on his slight frame. His blonde hair contrasted quite dramatically next to the tanned skin and his eyes twinkled with both charm and a cruel slyness that would be deadly for anyone who was caught in the trap of his seductive ways.

'Zevran, I doubt he even remembers you and Leilana, why are you hiding out here? You were a bard once, were you not? I am sure you have had to deal with far worse.'

'I have yes, but that was a long time ago and I fear that bringing him into the group has caused you more pain than you intended...'

'I have made my choice and you will all just have to get on with it. You will be fighting side by side, but I cannot force you to break your fast with him if you do not wish.'

Catheryn's mood suddenly plummeted once more as she breezed passed the two and entered the dining room, rolling her eyes and letting out a huff of disapproval as she did so.

Loghain raised his head when he heard the huff from the door, gazing at the young Cousland as she entered the room. He noted that she looked tired, odd for someone still so young. Whilst the rest of her face was still young and incredibly easy to look at, it was her eyes that really gave away the true extent of her exhaustion. But then, it was hardly surprising. She had been thrust into a world she had no experience with and into a life that certainly wasn't suited to a high born girl, even if she was a capable and willing warrior. The amount of tradegy she had experienced in such a short space of time, coupled with the fact that her whole world and future had been turned upside down by joining the Grey Wardens, Loghain was surprised that she still looked as fresh faced as she did, at least, until you got to the eyes. It was as he thought about the way her life had changed that he felt a twinge of guilt rising in the pit of his stomach. All this had been forced upon her by him and his allies. She was just another victim of all the power games that had been played and she still managed to hold her head up high. Her courage and her bravery were remarkable for anyone, let alone a young woman brought up in the comfort and luxury and safety of Highever.

Loghain shifted a little in his seat, trying to banish the guilt that he had just felt. But moving was difficult, he was still aching from the joining ritual. Riordan, the other Grey Warden, had performed the ritual last night, pounching on Loghain just as he was about to retire to the chambers that Arl Eamon had not so graciously given to him. The slip of a thing that served as a bed was probably better described as a hard plank of wood. But Loghain knew he was in no position to talk and, oddly enough, he had slept on far worse things. But, he didn't get much chance to test just how uncomfortable it was, for Riordan had come to him, insisting that the joining take place that evening as a matter of urgency. Loghain could have wagered that half of Fereldan would have paid to see him take part in the ceremony, simply if it was to see if one of the dangers of the joining would come to pass, and that he would be killed by the ceremony itself.

However, that was meant to be and the few hours after that, Loghain may well have welcomed death over the pain that had ripped through his body as the blood of the darkspawn took was unlike anything he had ever felt before and, it left every single muscle in his body aching as his body tried to fight off the taint with everything that it had. If he had been younger, or not as strong as he was, the pain alone would have killed him.

But the pain wasn't even half of the horror that lay beyond the joining. Following the pain came the visions, the cries of the Arch Demon and it's dark spawn horde. The moans and whisperings, the roars of savagery. As the visions came and went through the night, they would get stronger and then fade, but the echoes of each vision stayed long after the last vision had disappeared. He felt as though he was going crazy, hearing things that couldn't be seen by the eye, hearing creatures that were hundreds of miles away and yet, it was as though he were in the middle of the horde, waiting, preparing to march on Fereldan and consume all in it's wake.

The only thing that gave him the slightest bit of comfort during the night, was the fact that it felt as though he was not alone. In every vision, he could sense the presence of the young Cousland beside him, he could sense that she was experiencing the same things and, despite himself, despite knowing so little about this young woman who carried the weight of Fereldan on her shoulders, a part of him wanted nothing more than to protect her from the evils of the world, to take her in his arms and let her know she was safe, even though he knew she was more than capable of fighting and defending herself. It was a feeling that he hadn't had in such a long time, it had taken him by surprise. He had loved his wife, she was a good woman and a good mother, but there was only one other person who had ever stirred such feelings within him. Was the young Cousland a reincarnation Rowan? Had Rowan somehow found her way back to him, despite all the odds, in the shape of another woman? Or was it just mere coincidence and the fact that Catheryn had taken on the burden set upon her without complaint, without any hesitation? There were very few in the world who could claim such and remain as kind of heart as Catheryn had. Everything about her confused him and everything he knew and thought he knew. It made him question himself and his own actions of late, question everything that he had done and how he was behind so much of her hurt. At times, during the night, he had loathed himself for the things he had done and he felt such a fool for being so paranoid about the Orlesians when the true threat was about to knock down their very doors and destroy everything in its path.

Though, once morning had come, Loghain had banished those thoughts to the deepest parts of his mind, hoping that they would stay there. He was determined to stay distant, to do whatever his duty needed him to do and then move on. His resolve had been as tough as the steel armour he wore when he left his room just a short while before and now, with Catheryn before him, her pretty face and those warm, but tired, deep brown eyes of hers, he found his resolve melting away, as if her eyes were able to melt away the ice inside him. He knew she couldn't continue to bear this burden alone, she needed someone strong enough to bear it with her, and in that moment, Loghain resolved to make sure, that even if she didn't know it, he would be the one who shared that burden with her.


	3. Chapter 3

Catheryn fidgeted astride her horse, feeling a little odd to be on horseback once more, rather than on foot. It's not that she wasn't used to riding, but it had been so long, that sitting astride the huge destrier was a little uncomfortable. However, they were the only horses that could cope with the weight of the armour that she wore. She had a great affection for Arl Eamon, for he had provided the whole party with horses, with her, Loghain and Rhiordan presented with three of the finest horses she had ever seen. There was a chestnut gelding, a grey mare and a black stallion. Rhiordan opted for the Chestnut, whilst Catheryn selected the mare, leaving Loghain with the Stallion. Catheryn had to bite back laughter at the irony of such choices, considering that Loghain's current look was about as dark as the grumpy look in the Stallions. She caught his eye for a moment and bit her lip, earning nothing but a scowl in response from Loghain. Catheryn, overcome with whatever hysterics had chosen to take her at that time, bit into her leather glove and moved away, before she was at risk of falling from her horse.

Loghain watched her with a raised eyebrow and shook his head, himself, trying to banish the slight smile that threatened to pass on his lips. He sighed as his horse gave an impatient kick and stamp, trying his best to sooth the animal whilst he watched the warden as she spoke to her companions. The morning had already been odd, for many reasons, starting with the icy reception at breakfast, it soon changed, becoming almost pleasant as they broke their fast together and spoke of other things, not the blight or the darkspawn, but of relatively normal things, mainly, her Mabari hound and her decision to name him Maric. She had spoken at great length about the stories her father told her and how the stories of Rowan had inspired her to learn to fight and be able to weild a sword. She spoke passionately about her parents and Loghain felt another twinge of guilt as he watched her. The tired expression in her eyes vanished as she spoke, replaced by the youth and vigor that she had and her stories had all the hints of being told by an inexperienced young woman. It had been refreshing, to forget the world outside, even if a little odd to hear the stories about your own actions from someone else. When you had lived through it all once, no amount of tales would help you forget what it was truly like. He understood, her father had sugar coated the details, to make it a gallant tale of truimph, but the war with Orlais had been far from glamourous and it had left very many scars, some of which, you could not see.

After breakfast, Loghain felt as though Catheryn had warmed to him somewhat and she wasn't quite as distant as she had been. Again, he understood her reasons, for she had turned her back on one of her companions in order to save his life and it had caused a great deal of tension amongst those who travelled with her. The bond that they had built now stood on a knife edge, and, he knew it was because of him. It was because of him that she had had to spend all these weeks on the road, trying to find warmth and comfort at night, wherever it may come. Having experienced the visions and, seen how tired the young warden looked, he wished he could take it all back, wished he hadn't been such a fool, but, it was impossible, and all he could do now was work with Catheryn to right his wrongs and perhaps, earn her true and honest forgiveness.

Of course, the appearance of Alistair had not helped things. Whilst he had greeted his other companions with open arms and, stared down Loghain as though he wished looks could kill a man, he had completely ignored Catheryn. Loghain had watched as she stood at the back of the room, watching as he made his way to each and every companion to bid them farewell. Catheryn held her head high during the whole time, but it was again her eyes which drew Loghain's attention. Those warm brown eyes that he found he could so easily get lost in. Just an hour before, they had been so full of life as she talked about the tales her father would tell her and now, they were filled with so much hurt. Part of him wanted to go over and take her into his arms and help ease all that hurt away, but he knew she wouldn't accept that, she was a proud woman, just like Rowan was and no matter how much she might be hurting, there was no way she would appreciate being made to look weak in front of a room full of people.

It seemed to take an age for the group to be ready to leave, and by the time they were shown to their horses, the morning was well under way and, for once, there was a clear sky overhead. It seemed to take even longer for the group to be ready with their horses, though one, Morrigan, insisted that she would walk, rather than ride. Despite much discussion, she remained adamant and Catheryn had finally given in trying to persuade her otherwise. It wasn't that Catheryn was worried she would fall behind or anything, but being on horseback did give them a great advantage when it came to travelling, and the amount of time spent on a road that was getting increasingly more dangerous would be drastically reduced, and this could only be a good thing. The fact that they would arrive at Redcliffe and would have some time to prepare properly for the battle was an invaluable opportunity and it wasn't something that she wanted to waste.

Leaving Denirrim was very different to when they arrived. Rather than having to sneak in, in the hope that they wouldn't be stopped, challenged or arrested, this time they were leaving under something that resembled a heroes send off. People lined the streets to watch the wardens and their mismatched group of companions. Catheryn watched the crowd closely and noticed that many were whispering amongst themselves whilst watching Loghain ride passed. Her vision switched to him, trying to judge his reaction, but he seemed fairly relaxed and as if he was letting all the chatter go over his head. She nudged her horse forward a little, so that they were side by side as they left the Capital. It seemed to help stop the many looks and glances that Loghain was getting, most of which were about as dark as the way Alistair would have looked at him. Catheryn felt Loghain's eyes on her and smiled softly, earning a nof of the head from him, something that she took as a thank you.

They had been on the road for a couple of hours now, with Loghain and Catheryn at the front and Rhiordan bringing up the rear of the party. Catheryn found the other warden slightly strange and incredibly distant. He seemed to prefer his own company to that of anyone else's and he very rarely spoke. Catheryn found herself wondering if this was what happened to all wardens as they grew older and, as the taint had more time to take over their forms. It was a poison after all, one that claimed very many lives and, from the stories that Alistair had told her, it had driven many wardens to the brink of insanity by the time their 'calling' came. It also made her wonder if this would happen sooner rather than later for her, due to the time that she had become a grey warden. The taint was supposed to be more potent and would take hold much faster during a blight than at any other time. She knew that, in the end, joining the Grey Wardens was a death sentence and the only thing that was undecided was whether it was the darkspawn or the taint that would end up claiming her life.

'Loghain.' Catheryn snapped from her thoughts, to look at Zevran, who had sidled up beside them on his Bay horse, an air of ease around him and that thick Antivan accent lingering in the air.

'Yes?' Loghain's response was cold, like always and Catheryn watched him carefully as he looked at the elf. His reaction to Zevran was hard to read and his eyes and facial expression gave nothing away in terms of his thoughts about this tricky rogue who had now joined them at the front of the group.

'Yes, you may not remember me but, I was the Crow you hired to kill the Grey Wardens. I just wanted to inform you that, I failed in my duty. I am so terribly sorry.'

Catheryn could tell from his tone and the glint in his eye that Zevran wasn't sorry in the slightest.

'You don't say? Well, thanks for letting me know.'

Catheryn watched as Zevran bowed his head in the most dramatic way that he could manage whilst on horseback. The elf was certainly bold and Catheryn had to stifle the giggles that were threatening to take hold once more as Loghain gave her a look of complete and utter bewilderment.

'Yeah...that's Zevran...'

'You do keep very strange company, that much can be said. I do wonder why you didn't kill him when his attempt on you failed though.'

'I figured he could be useful, plus, he was only trying to do the job given to him. If I killed everyone who had tried to have me killed over these last few weeks, our numbers right now would be decidedly smaller.'

Catheryn caught herself as she said this and gave Loghain an apologetic look.

'I'm s-'

'No, there is no need, I don't really deserve anything more than that, after all, it is true, there have been many who have tried and, for that, it is I who should apologise. I was wrong and I will fully admit it.'

'What's done is done. We cannot go back and change that now, all we can do is move forward and see what the future brings.'

'Now that is something I can get behind. I have never been one to dwell on the past and I fully appreciate now that I have made the wrong decisions in recent months and I will make amends for those wrongs.'

'Loghain, I - '

'I know, you don't expect nor ask anything of me, but that is my stance on the subject and it will do me well when things get difficult, as they surely will do.'

'Have you ever encountered darkspawn before?'

Catheryn gazed at him once more, locking with his ice blue eyes as she let the question sink in. He returned her gaze with just as much intensity before he looked forward once again.

'Yes, years ago, when Maric was still alive, he agreed to help a group of Grey Wardens. One of them was answering her 'calling' I think they said. We found ourselves in the very bowels of Fereldan at that time. It wasn't the first time that happened either, nor was it the first time I had encountered the taint either.'

Catheryn remained silent, thinking back to Ostagar and the first time she had encountered a darkspawn. She had been out in the wilds with Alistair and two other recruits and, the experience still haunted her to this day. It scared her to think that the darkspawn were rumoured to have once been men, and now, they were just twisted monsters that destroyed everything in their path.

'I sensed you last night, during the joining...'

Loghain looked to Catheryn and their eyes locked once more, both staring into the depths of the other. Catheryn felt herself flush a little and look ahead of her horse, her fingers suddenly finding her cloak very interesting indeed.

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to -'

'No, it's ok, it's just, I sensed you too. It's weird, I have spent all this time with Alistair and I could never sense him in any of the dreams or visions that I had, but, with you...'

Catheryn flushed again and looked away, well aware that Loghain was still staring at her. She didn't feel uncomfortable though, just that he had a very intense gaze, even when she wasn't looking at him. It was quite the revelation to find out that he had sensed her presence during his joining, just as she had known she had been there, by his side, through it all. It was such a stupid thing to happen, the only times she had met him was when they were fighting, if not each other, than someone or something else. How could it be that she could have that bond with him and not with Alistair? Surely, she should have had something with Alistair, he was there during her joining, he was there during all the sleepless nights that she had had and yet, there wasn't that connection that she felt now. It troubled her, deeply, wondering if the taint had done something to her or whether she had always been that difficult to reach for people. She nudged her horse forward until she entered a quick trot, trying to get some distance between herself and the rest of the group to allow herself to become lost in her thoughts once more.


	4. Chapter 4

Their journey had taken very many different twists and turns already, due to the overwhelming number of people on the road. Some had nothing at all, only the clothes on their backs and seemed as though they were grasping only half hopeful at the possibility that they would reach the safety of Denerim soon. One group had caused Catheryn to pull up her horse and watch as they walked passed. A young family , the father holding the hand of his daughter, the mother carrying a bundle which could only have been a baby in her arms. They looked tired, worn out and incredibly sombre in mood. Jumping down from her horse, much to the dismay of Loghain, who watched as her companions rolled their eyes, realising that this must be a regular occurance with the young warden.

Catheryn approached the family carefully and, as they turned to her following her shouts, she saw up close just how hopeless they were. The mother's eyes were red, her cheeks tear stained, her hair matted and unkempt. The daughter clung to her father's side as Catheryn approached, the fear evident in her eyes.

'Excuse me, I don't mean to intrude but, is everything ok?' Catheryn looked at the mother, who seemingly didn't want to speak, or at least refused too. She turned her head towards the father, who spoke with a thick accent, his words heavy with exhaustion.

'Begging your pardon miss, please forgive my wife, we have been on the road for days, with no food and the little water we find on the way. She is weary and our son is sick.'

'No, there is no need to apologise.'

'Our house, wouldn't have minded so much if it were the Darkspawn, heard stories they were around, could understand if they had done this, they be monsters after all.'

'Who?'

'Were bandits, said they were working for Arl Howe, collecting coin to raise money for the war and that the people had to pay. We didn't have anything for them to take, only the grain in the stores for us to sell. So, they took that instead and then, set fire to the house. They tried to shut us inside, saying we were useless and wouldn't help the good of Ferelden. I managed to get us out, before it were too late.'

Catheryn shot Loghain a look so dark that, if it could have killed, he was pretty sure not only would he be dead, but he would have been banished to the farthest reaches of the Black City if she had had anything to say about it. He didn't even bother to protest this time, feeling slightly sick to his stomach that the Arl, if he had given these orders, would go to such brutal lengths. It gave him a shiver as he thought back to the Orlesian occupation and how the Orlesians would have done the exact same thing. If people couldn't pay the ever increasing taxes, they had their land taken from them. If they resisted, they were killed. He could still remember the day they came to take his father's farm as if it were yesterday.

'Here, you can't carry on walking, I won't have you carry on walki-'

'We do not have time to go back to Denerim. If we delay too long, it will be more than brutes that these people will be at risk from!'

Catheryn looked at Riordan and frowned deeply.

'I do not care, I will not see these people suffer, just because we have a duty. Our duty is to protect the people of Ferelden.'

'By defeating the-'

'I said I don't care! Whether we can take them back or not is not your decision, nor will you over ride me. You may be older and have been a Grey Warden for longer and perhaps being a Grey Warden means that you have to lose all your humanity, but I haven't lost it yet and I will not see these people suffer any longer.'

Loghain blinked as Catheryn yelled. She was at risk of waking up every sleeping dragon in the land at this rate and the fire in her words and in her eyes were quite striking. He watched as the family stepped back a little, seeing Catheryn's face seemingly turning a very dangerous shade of red as she let every inch of hatred that she had towards Arl Howe flow into her words.

Nudging his horse forward, Loghain wandered down the road a little, looking at the crowds of people as they wandered passed. Some seemed to recognise him, as they moved quickly out of his way, or they bowed their heads to show respect. Most, however, didn't even seem to sense his presence amongst them and he could hardly blame them. These people were more concerned with getting to Denerim and finding a roof to take shelter under, they didn't care who was on the road with them, they didn't care about all the politics and games that were being played in none existent power struggles. These were the ones who suffered, be it at the hands of the monsters that Howe had hired, or the monsters that threatened to devour Ferelden whole. Right now, Loghain wasn't sure which of them was the lesser of the two evils.

Finally, he found what he was looking for, a merchant who had a cart behind him and, by the looks of it, the cart wasn't very full. Loghain stopped in front of him to halt the cart and looked from the Merchant to the cart and then back again. The man gave him a weary look and fidgeted in his seat under Loghain's incredibly intense gaze. Finally, after moments of silence, Loghain spoke, his usual cold tone that gave the impression that he was in no way to be argued with.

'You have space in your wagon yes?'

'Yes Sir, but not for you and that horse if that's what you're thinking.'

Loghain gazed at the merchant and wondered if he had been hit across the head with something.

'Do I look like I need the space? There is a family up ahead, they have two young children. They could do with being taken to Denerim.'

'I-'

Loghain held up a hand to silence the man, reaching to his left side and taking the pouch that hung idly there. He fingered it carefully, thinking back to when Anora had come to see him, insisting that he would need to take coin on the road with him to look after himself. She had been in tears and almost inconsolable at the thought of him going off to fight the darkspawn and it was only by taking the coins that she seemed to calm down a little. Even though she was highly intelligent and incredibly capable, she was still incredibly naive, but she was his daughter and he loved her deeply. He was sorry that he had caused her so much worry and pain. She had loved Cailan, even if it was an arranged marriage to begin with, she had grown to love him and he knew he had torn her in two with his actions. She was yet another person that he had to right the wrongs of old, so that she could be proud of him once more.

'Take this. You will find a woman with a Grey horse stood with them. You will offer them a ride and you will say nothing of this conversation that we are having right now, do you understand?'

Loghain threw the pouch to the man, who caught it in his greedy little fingers. Loghain wasn't sure how much was in there, but it was surely more than this man had ever seen in one go. The man nodded, his dirty blonde hair falling in front of his face as he did so before he urged his horse on, cart rattling behind him. Loghain's eyes narrowed slightly as he watched him go, wondering if the wonderful Ferelden that he risked so much for still existed, save for the acts of a few who kept trying to change something that would become inevitable. Sighing softly, he urged his horse after the cart, staying a little behind, just to make sure the merchant kept his side of the bargain.

Catheryn looked down the road and saw the merchant and his cart. Her face was still flushed from her anger, though, upon seeing the cart, she looked somewhat hopeful. She waved her hands to get the man to stop, letting out a sigh of relief when he did so.

'Please, Sir, do you have room on your cart for this family?' Catheryn gestured to her right side, showing him the family. He eyed them carefully and Catheryn noticed the hint of uncertainty in his eyes. She watched as he glanced back to Loghain and a frown came to the Merchant's head. He then looked back at Catheryn and nodded swiftly.

'Yeah, I have room. Tell them to get on.'

Catheryn smiled, possibly the brightest and truest smile she had given in a very long time. Loghain noticed it, as she helped the little girl on to the cart. The change it made to her features was striking. Her eyes lit up and had a glint in them that he had not seen yet, a glint of happiness, one that pulled hard on his heart strings. He realised that the glimmer of hope that she had in her eyes were because of a lie. The merchant wasn't a kind man, he was a business man, out to make the most of the situation. Loghain wasn't sure if Catheryn was aware of this or not, or if her relief at helping their situation had blinded her to that fact for a moment.

'Take this, use it to get yourself some shelter and some food and get someone to look at your son. Please?'

Catheryn handed a small pouch to the father, who responded with a look of confusion mixed with thanks. It appeared that he wasn't expecting any of this and, considering what he had experienced at the hands of the bandits, it wasn't surprising that he was weary and a little uncomfortable with the help Catheryn was giving. However, he accept the coin, of course and Catheryn handed the daughter some food and a cannister of water from their own supplies, causing Riordan to speak up once more.

'what are you doing? We need that water!'

'Then I will go without.'

Sensing that things were about to get heated once more, the merchant snapped the reins, causing his horse to carry on, carting the family towards Denerim.

Catheryn rounded on Riordan once more, the happiness in her eyes was gone, replaced by anger. Loghain found himself annoyed with Riordan, for spoiling the moment so quickly. Loghain knew as well as the old warden that they had to move quickly, but, he couldn't help but be angry that he hadn't allowed Catheryn this one little glimmer of hope before their desperate march on Redcliffe continued.

'You couldn't just leave it could you? Couldn't just ignore what was happening, for a second.'

'We do not have the time or res-'

'To the Fade with your time and your resources! I refuse to believe that being a Grey Warden means being selfish and heartless! And if it does, then, I don't want any part of this game any longer!'

Catheryn turned on her heel and mounted her horse, giving it a kick in the sides before she had even settled in the saddle. The horse whined and then cantered off, with Catheryn leaving the group speechless in a trial of dust behind her, every single one of their cries falling on deaf ears.

Catheryn rode for a good while before she finally came back to her senses. She had been blinded by rage for so long, she didn't realise just how long she had been riding for, or, in fact, that she was riding alone, without her companions. Pulling her horse to a stop, she looked around tentatively before dismounting, biting her lip as the aches and pains of the day caught up with her. Stretching out slowly and carefully, Catheryn soothed the exhausted horse, feeling incredibly guilty for what she had put the beautiful creature through. Running her hand through her mane, she rested her head against her for a moment before taking her reins and leading the mare to the water, letting her drink long and deeply as she rested wearily against her. Tilting her head back, Catheryn looked up at the darkening sky, watching as the stars began their merry little dance, flickering away until morning came without a care in the world. The breeze was comforting and Catheryn found herself bathing in the coolness that swept over her. She knew that she should be a little concerned, she had no idea where she was or where her companions were or just how far out of the way that she had gone, but, at this moment in time, she was so tired, all she wanted to do was to find a dry spot somewhere and sleep until the morning came.

Dozing softly against her horse as she ate, the sound of a snarl in the darkness caused Catheryn to jump, as though a cannon had been fired in the dark. Her heart pounded against her chest as her eyes tried to adjust to the closing darkness around her. She knew full well what that sound was, and judging by the whistling sound by her ear, she had just about escaped being skewered through the eye by an arrow. Her horse reared, kicked out and cantered off, leaving Catheryn leaning against her sword to stop herself falling over.

Pulling the sword from the ground, Catheryn reached behind her and pulled her shield across her front, using it to deflect the incoming arrows. Catheryn's sword hand shook violently as the sounds of snarling increased and she found it hard to grasp the hilt of her sword properly. Her fingers felt numb and the sword felt ten times heavier in her hand than it usually did. It was only then that the realisation dawned on her and a sudden stinging sensation woke her from her current state. One arrow had hit true, piercing her sword arm deep to the bone. Catheryn winced as she tried to raise her sword arm just a little, but the pain was far worse than she could ever have expected. In all honesty, up until this point, she had been lucky with regards to injuries, apart from the massive great head injurt she received at Ostagar that was. But Morrigan's mother wasn't here now and, with the sounds of the snarls getting louder, she was under no doubt that she had darkspawn bearing down on her.

Sure enough, the first swing came and she blocked it with her shield, biting her lip hard to stop herself crying out due to the pain in her arm. Digging her heavy boots into the soft ground, she used all her weight to push behind the shield, charging into, what felt like, about a dozen darkspawn of varying sizes and shapes. Grunting from the effort and cursing the fact that her horse had run off and left her, Catheryn pushed herself free of her attacked and turned around, holding her shield up as high as she could whilst her sword arm now hung limply by the side of her body. Catheryn couldn't blame her horse for running off, it wasn't as though Catheryn had really given the poor Mare enough chance to trust her, instead, in a fit of a childish tantrum, Catheryn had nearly broken the poor animal and it had repaid her in kind by high tailing it out of danger as soon as it got the chance. Catheryn found she had a sudden wish that she was a horse at this very moment.

Again, the darkspawn gathered themselves and pressed forward, causing Catheryn to duck down low to avoid the incoming blows, using her shield to block as much as she could. One, a tall darkspawn known as a Hurloc beared down on her, a giant mace in hand. It drove the weapon down on her shield with the force of a battering ram, causing her knees to buckle from the sheer force of the impact. She heard the shield splinter and, in a second of panic, she truly believed that this would be her end, and it would be her own fault, for acting like a spoilt highborn, rather than acting like the warrior she claimed to be.

Anger surged through her once more, angry that she would give in so easily and without even putting up a fight. It was pathetic, it was like the stories of those maidens who needed saving all the time. She wasn't a maiden, she didn't need saving, she could fight just as well as any man and she wasn't about to die here in the cold, stinking mud, murdered by darkspawn filth. Using this as all the motivation she needed, Catheryn pushed up against the shield with all her might, knocking the hurloc down with her moment. In another second, she had driven the top of her shield into the head of another, hearing the skull break with the most sickening of sounds.

Just as Catheryn was getting into a momentum, despite how desperately outnumbered she was and, the fact that she could not use her sword arm, Catheryn heard the familiar sounds of horse hooves over soft ground and, the even more familiar sound of Maric's paws as they carried the Mabari as fast as they could. She heard him growl before he pounced for the neck of one of the darkspawn. The rider moved around in a circle, hacking down some of the darkspawn that were in their path, whilst Maric continued his own little onslaught. Catheryn had never seen him like this before, except for if he truly thought she was in danger. In a blaze of swords, maces, paws and hooves, Catheryn backed away from the manic goings on and watched from a distance, squinting in the darkness to try and catch as much of the fight as she possibly could.

In a matter of moments, the fighting was over. The darkspawn were no more and Maric dashed over to her, licking her from head to toe, much to Catheryn's protests, due to the black blood that still lingered around the hound's face. Staggering slightly, Catheryn used her shield to prop herself up as the horse approach. It was then she realised the reason why she couldn't make out the horse in the dark, because it was Black. She reached her hand out and petted the horses nose gently.

'Loghain...'

Suddenly, Catheryn swayed where she stood and then world went black, and she knew no more.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Catheryn woke with a start, sitting up quickly and shouting out in pain as she did so, her right arm throbbing dangerously as her eyes adjusted to the light of the fire beside her. She blinked as her vision became less blurry and then shivered softly, realising that her chest armour was not where it should have been. Looking around, she saw her chest plate resting against the rock wall. It was only then that she realised that she was in a cave and had absolutely no idea how she got there. Her memory of the last few hours was vague at best and she still had the lingering affects of the visions that she had had once more.

'Don't move too much, otherwise you'll open that wound and you've already lost a considerable amount of blood.'

Catheryn jumped as she heard the voice, feeling her heart hammer against her chest as it took her a couple of moments to recover from the shock. She hadn't realised anyone was there with her, but then, hearing the voice did bring back some of her memory. She could recall seeing his horse, but that was about all. She looked at her bandaged arm and touched it gingerly with her left hand, frowning slightly and feeling a little light headed.

'Loghain...'

He peered over at her from across the low burning fire, his icy depths holding the gaze of her dark brown hues as they caught the light of the fire. From here, she looked the spitting image of Rowan and he was reminded of a situation that he had experienced with Rowan that was so very similar to this one, it was as though he were living it all over again. He closed his eyes for a moment to banish the thought before peering back at Catheryn. He noted the sheepish look in her eyes and could tell that she was embarrassed by this whole affair. Without saying a word, he moved from his spot and placed himself beside her, handing her a bowl with some food in and checking her arm to make sure the wound hadn't reopened.

'It's rabbit, so, it should taste of something at least. I didn't have the chance to find anything else, not whilst there is a chance that there are Darkspawn around.'

'Thank you.'

'No need to thank me, I couldn't let you ride off like that. Luckily you left Maric behind, though he seemed quite hurt by tha-'

Again, Loghain was reminded of the times he had spent with Rowan and Maric, the times when she would storm off, leaving Maric both confused and hurt, his expression probably very similar to the one the Mabari had had when Catheryn had raced off at full speed. He also thought about the times when he would have to watch Rowan, trying to be all strong and brave when Maric had chosen to take comfort in the arms of that wretched elf, rather than committing to the betrothal that he already had. he knew the arrangement had been made without their consent and that, in any other time, there might have been a way of getting out of it, however, it had been war and Ferelden's fate depended on that betrothal. Despite Loghain's feelings for Rowan and how he wished he could have been the one to put a smile on her face, he had found himself wishing that Maric would see sense and see the beauty and courage and strength that Rowan possessed and love her with all his heart. All he wanted was to see her happy, by any means necessary. Instead, he had to watch as Maric tore her heart apart, without ever seeming to realise it and, in turn, it was killed him to see his beautiful warrior so sad and so lonely, when all he wanted to do was give her all of Ferelden just to keep the smile on her face.

'Loghain?'

Catheryn watched him for a moment, observing him as he seemed to become lost in thought. Clearly something had stirred up some memories of old. She watched as his features changed, from the usual blank expression, to one that seemed to contain a lot of hurt and pain. She didn't know what the cause of his pain was, all she knew was that she wanted to try and comfort him in some way. But she had no idea what to do, she had never been in this kind of situation before and she cursed her inexperience, wishing that she could be of more help to him.

'Sorry, as I was saying, your mabari tracked you, I just followed.'

'Either way, thank you.'

'I have to say though, you were making pretty good progress by yourself, I haven't seen someone use a shield like that in a long time. Rowan would have done that. The two of you are very alike, both women making a stand in a man's world, proving yourself to be respectable and capable warriors, both beaut-'

Loghain caught himself and looked at Catheryn, noticing the very bright hue of red now spreading across her cheeks. She shifted a little, looking back into the fire as though to hide her embarrassment. He watched her with a slight hint of amusement, because, this was a time when she didn't remind him of Rowan. If he had said that to Rowan, she would have shouted him back down, like she had done so many times before. She was confident enough to not need to be told she was beautiful, but Catheryn, whilst strong and independent, she was incredibly young and naive in many ways. It wasn't her fault, Rowan had grown up in a completely different way to Catheryn. Catheryn had only ever known peace, she didn't know what it was like to grow up whilst being chased by Orlesians and having to learn how to weild a sword to save her life and not because she wanted to play at being a warrior.

However, Loghain knew there was more to Catheryn than just a girl playing warrior. When they had faced each other, he had never seen such determination in anyone, not since Maric. How was it that this woman, someone he barely knew, was able to bring up all those memories, memories of Rowan and Maric and how, even though life was challenging and it was hard and they argued so much whilst banding together to defeat the Orlesians and restore the rightful heir of Ferelden to the throne and yet, those had been the best days of his life, he had thrived in those times, more than he had sitting in a Keep in Gwaren acting like some noble Lord who knew all the answers. He wasn't a Lord, he wasn't high born, he had just been raised there by Maric, but he wasn't suited to that life, it was this, actually doing something with the strength and wisdom that he had been given, this was what he was good at.

The pair sat in silence for a while as Catheryn ate, her mabari sleeping soundly by her side, snoring softly into the surrounding cave. Placing her bowl down, Catheryn winced again and looked at her arm, frowning slightly.

'You do know you can't save everyone in Ferelden? You may be able to save Ferelden itself from the blight or from the Orlesians or from whatever threat comes to it next, but, when it comes to her people, it is impossible to save them all.'

Catheryn peered at Loghain as he spoke and chewed on her lip, looking back into the fire, hanging her head a little. She had been preparing herself for this lecture and, sure enough, here it was. But she didn't protest, she knew she deserved it.

'It's a hard lesson to learn...it's one of the reasons why I compared you to Maric after the Landsmeet. It's not a flaw by any means, but, you do need to learn that you can't save everybody. Sometimes, the duty that we need dictates that we have to become a little cold and a little distant, in order to what we need to, in order to ensure an entire nation's survival and not just one individual.'

'I know...I just...when they mentioned it was Howe's men...'

'Howe is dead isn't he? You killed him yourself correct? Isn't that all the vengence you need?'

'No! It's not enough! Those men still followed his orders, those men still stormed my family's keep, murdered my nephew and my brother's wife where they stood! They killed everyone they could get their hands on, including my parents...'

'But, Catheryn, you're not a coward, whereas, unfortunately, most men are. All they are worried about is putting food on the table and keeping a roof over their heads to keep themselves and their families warm. Yes, there are some who are evil and bad to the bone who will do things just for the sake of it, like when Howe made that order on your family, but, for the most part, people are simple and all they want to do is make it through to the next day. They are not concerned with politics or revenge or who made the order against who and who is battling for power and control. So long as they live, so long as they can feel that they are getting by from day to day without too much suffering, that is what makes them happy. The people of Ferelden fear the Darkspawn and the threat they bring, but that isn't any different from the daily fears that they have. For you and I, yes, the Darkspawn pose a very real threat, we understand that threat and we are in a position to do something about it, but for the average farmer just trying to provide for his family, the Darkspawn are nothing more than another challenge and, as far as they are concerned, they are no more a threat than Bandits or Rogue soldiers claiming to be acting on behalf of the crown.'

Catheryn gazed at Loghain for a long while as his words sank in, making her realise just how stupid and childish she had been. She tilted her head to the side for a moment before looking back into the fire, having lost the ability to speak, for no words would come to her that could help.

'I did not mean to make you feel like a fool in any way, because you are far from that, but, duty is hard to follow. There have been times when I wish I hadn't followed the duty I swore to Ferelden and the King. If I hadn't followed my duty, I wouldn't have had to watch the woman I loved waste away and die because she was in a lonely and loveless marriage, something that had been arranged from the moment of her birth and something she could not get away from, because her duty was to be with Maric and to produce an heir...'

Loghain furrowed his brow a little and looked into the fire as well, a little confused as to why he had just revealed that to her, for he had never admitted that to anyone other than himself before.

'Rowan?'

'Hmm?' Loghain snapped from his thoughts and looked to Catheryn, whose brown eyes were so much softer than they had been all evening.

'She was the woman yes?'

Loghain nodded his response, returning his gaze back to the fire, still knocked by the fact that he had just told her something that he had never been able to confide in anyone had been such a weight on him for so long, something that always held him back, because he knew he had been both powerless and a little cowardly when it came to his feelings for Rowan. He often blamed himself for the way she had ended up, a shell of her former self, simply because she was so unhappy in her marriage to Maric. So why, if he didn't have the courage to reveal the strength of his feelings to Rowan, how had it been so easy to reveal it to Catheryn, someone he had known barely a day? Whatever the reason was, it made him feel as though the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders and for that, he was incredibly grateful that Catheryn had been thrust so rudely into his life.

'She was a lucky woman then...she maybe didn't know it or realise it...but she was...'

Catheryn gazed at Loghain and felt his eyes lock with hers, a very different look in his eyes compared to what she was used to. She had been used to his cold ways, his distance, but right now, the look was possibly the softest she had seen it so far and the silence between them was deafening, blocking out even the sound of the fire crackling right beside them. She watched, a little startled as he seemed to get closer to her, so close in fact, she could feel his breath on her face, his hand only inches from her face, feeling her cheeks redden from the sudden realisation that came to her as to what was about to happen.

In a flash, everything that had happened over the last few weeks came to Catheryn's head. She should have been preparing for the kiss she had dreamt of all through her teens and at times, even now, she had thought about what it would be like, instead, everything that had happened at Ostagar, everything that happened in the weeks that followed suddenly came rushing forward. They caused Catheryn to pull away from Loghain, moving away from him as quickly as she could, trying to ignore the very hurt look in his eyes. Despite how she felt, despite what she wanted, she couldn't shake the feelings that still lingered inside her. All the anger, all the rage, all the guilt for having turned her back on Alistair so easily in favour of Loghain when they had been so close, when, despite what she told herself to comfort herself, gradually, with every day they spent together, Catheryn had been falling in love with the hopeless warden. He was so safe, so secure, so warm and despite what she felt and what she wanted, she knew Loghain had the capacity to be the complete opposite to that.

'I'm sorry, I can't...'

'I understand...'

'It's not that...'

'I said, I understand...'

Loghain stood up and gathered his cloak, placing it around his shoulders before he swept from the cave, leaving a very bitter chill in the air, one that couldn't be touched even by the flames of the fire that still flickered merrily in the dark. Catheryn watched him go, frozen in a complete state of shock, feeling her heart pounding in her chest though, at the same time, it felt eerie, as though it wasn't really there, as though the entire world was going in slow motion.

Falling to her knees, the sound of her sob echoed around the cave and then, despite her best efforts, the tears began to flow freely, her chest shaking with the force, her breath catching in her chest with every sob that left her. She felt Maric come over to her, he whimpered softly before nudging the hands that were covering her face. Catheryn wrapped her arms around him and held tight, crying into the dog's side without so much as a sound of protest from her faithful hound. He stayed completely still as she cried, as she tried to banish the feeling of complete and utter loneliness that had taken hold of her at that very moment.


	6. Chapter 6

By the time Loghain returned to the cave, the first signs of morning were already showing over the horizon, leaving an odd blue-black hint to the night sky. His hands tightened around the reins, leading the grumpy mare back towards his own horse, feeling her still tug a little on her bindings. She had been wandering along the path when he found her and it had taken much coaxing and soothing to finally persuade her to follow him back. He couldn't blame the poor animal, her first day with her new rider hadn't been the most pleasant and, there was a time during the night when Loghain had been half tempted to leave as well. His anger had subsided somewhat, but his pride was still bruised and that would take a little while to get over. He had tried to justify the reasons, with everything that had happened over the last few weeks, but he still couldn't shake the feeling that now lingered. He was angry at himself for having let his guard drop so quickly and, whilst he had already vowed to help carry her burden, he was determined to make sure he did it whilst maintaining a distance from the troublesome young warden.  
'There you go girl, Safer here than out there with monsters roaming around.' Loghain patted the mare's neck gently, rubbing her ears whilst he tethered her to the tree. Both horses munched away quietly at the grass, flicking their tails idly.

Trying to stifle a yawn, he went back over to the cave, only to find Catheryn fast asleep, her cheeks were still red and tear stained and she shivered slightly in the cool of the cave, the fire having long since died out. He sighed deeply, walking over to the young warden and placing his cloak over her. He told himself it was simply to stop her catching a chill, all the while, he was trying to ignore the stains on her cheeks and the ghosts of the sobs that had followed him ever since he left the cave. They had been the very last thing he had wanted to hear and whilst he had wanted to go back and console her, he decided to get as much distance as he could between the two, giving them both time to calm down.

A sigh escaped his lips as he lowered himself to the floor, leaning against the saddle, his eyes feeling heavy and yet, sleep seemed like a far off dream. His mind was racing, thoughts chasing each other like a dog chasing a rabbit. Memories of Rowan confused themselves with images of Catheryn and at times, it was as though they merged completely. Both had taken him completely by surprise. He prickled at the thoughts, annoyed at himself for letting a woman have this affect on him once again. He knew it was a foolish thing, he had only been in Catheryn's presence a day, there was no way she should have this affect on him, not so quickly, not with all the similiarites she shared with Rowan. He had hardened his heart since her death and had promised himself that, other than his wife, there would never be another. He found himself thinking back to when he had first seen Catheryn, long before they met at Ostagar. He knew he had seen her before, but couldn't place where it was and, it was only when he faced her at the Landsmeet that he recalled the memory.

There had been a tourney held at Highever to celebrate the coming of age of the Cousland's youngest child. It was a grand affair and, the castle of Highever was alive with excitement and, Loghain found himself taken by how happy the Castle hands were to serve their masters. The Cousland's were a good family, with a good reputation. They were strong, experienced in battle, independent but fair. They were one of the oldest families on Ferelden and they earned a lot of respect from their supporting Banner Men, as well as the loyalty of those who served them day to day. There were few who were quite as noble and good as the Cousland's, so it was no wonder that so many people had come out in support of this special occasion.

Loghain, himself, hadn't wanted to come to the tourney. He had far better things to attend to back at home, however, Anora had nagged him until he relented, knowing that he wouldn't get a moment's peace unless he gave into her request. She was a determined young thing, who knew exactly how to manipulate him into doing whatever is was she wanted. However, he mostly didn't care, she was his only child and, as with any parent, he would have given her the whole of Thedas and more if it meant keeping her happy.

'Ah, Loghain, you did make it in the end, I am glad.'

'I am sure it will be a fine day my Lady, it appears half the bannorn have also descended on Highever to join in the festivities.' Loghain bowed respectfully, though a little stiffly, to the woman before him.

'Please, there is no need for such formality on a day, like today. Call me Eleanor. Anyone would think we were complete strangers.'

'As you wish, Eleanor.'

'There, that's better and ah, here is th-' Eleanor Cousland turned her attention from Loghain and his eyes followed, falling to the young woman, dressed from shoulder to toe in chainmail, her long brown hair flowing down her back and her pretty brown eyes dancing in the sun. Her face was the picture of happiness, her smile as big as it could possibly get, adding to the beautiful features of her face. Loghain found himself having to close his eyes for a moment to banish the thoughts in his head, well aware that the young woman before him was younger than his own daughter.  
'Catheryn!'  
Loghain watched, a trace of amusement on his lips as the young woman froze and stood up as straight as she possibly could. She was short in stature, especially for a Cousland, so the sudden change didn't really make that much difference, but he knew the look on her face all too well, for it was a look Anora would give him when she knew she was in trouble.

'My dearest, sweetest, most wonderful moth-'

'Don't you give me that! Where is the dress I bought you?'

'Upstairs, on the stand, like it was this morning.'

'Would it hurt you to wear something a little more...womanly...for one day?'

Catheryn frowned and then, her eyes fell to Loghain. He watched as her eyes widened for a moment and then a very deep red hue came to her cheeks. 'Mother, we have gues-

'I am pretty sure that our guests know exactly what it is like to have a daughter who drives them to the point of insanity. How am I ever meant to find a good husband for you if you will insist on hiding yourself in chainmail?'

The flush on the young woman's cheeks grew deeper and Loghain couldn't help but feel a slight trace of sympathy for her. It was quite clear to him, at least, that finding a man was the furthest thing from her mind. But he also understood what it was like to be a parent and to worry about the well being of your children. He knew that Eleanor only wanted the best for her daughter and, for her to be happy, something that Catheryn would appreciate herself once she was a mother.

'I'll go and change after the tourn-'

'Please don't tell me you think you are entering that tournament?'

'Why is it so wrong for me want to do such things when father tells me stories about how you were quite the warrior in your younger days?'

'Because, you are eighteen now and you should be thinking about other things. You have to accept some responsibilities now.'

Loghain watched as the young woman became slowly more defiant. He excused himself so as not to add to the issue, his eyes lingering on Catheryn and the startling resemblence that she had to another warrior maiden that he had known many years ago. For whatever reason, as he looked at her, he had a feeling deep down that it wouldn't be the last time he saw her and that, in some shape or form, their paths would cross once again. It was a feeling that he had in his gut and, he had learned a long time ago that his gut was very rarely wrong.  
Loghain rubbed his temples to banish the memories of that day and of the fiesty young woman who had entered the tourney despite her mothers protests and, had proceeded to beat every man in the melee, much to the shock and horror of said men when they realised that it was a woman who had bested them so easily in the ring. He found himself staring at Catheryn as she slept, watching as her back rose and fell with her breaths, realising, as he had known, that his gut had been right. Their paths had crossed once again and now, he had a feeling that she was about to turn his life even more upside down than she already had.

When Catheryn woke, she felt as though her head had been split in two by an axe, such was the pain in her forehead and in her nose. She pinched the bridge, trying to ease the sensation somewhat, for it had been a very long time since she had had a headache quite like this. She knew what had brought it on, it was the headache that followed a great deal of upset and, over the last few weeks, she was surprised that she hadn't experienced more, for she had had enough to cry about, but, very rarely did she ever give in to such a need.

As she pushed herself up, she noticed the cloak falling from around her chest and fingered it lightly, furrowing her brow for a moment in confusion before the reality dawned on her. She looked over at Loghain who was asleep against the saddle, another wave of guilt and regret washing over her as the memories of the night before came flooding back to her. She held the cloak to her face, taking in the scent of this confusing and frustrating man, using it as a blanket of warmth deep inside her, one that she feared would be the only way she would ever get to be close to him again. She hated herself for being so weak and so proud all at the same time. She felt as though she was being torn into a million pieces and no one would tell her what to do, no one would guide her in the direction she was supposed to go in. She didn't know how to handle these situations, she was great with a sword, but, right now, she would rather be up against the Archdemon itself than have to try and make sense of all the emotions and thoughts that were running through her at the moment.

Leaving the cave, Catheryn wandered absent mindedly until she found a nearby stream. She looked at her reflection for a very long time, holding the cloak tightly around her. Kneeling down on the bank, she cupped the water and brought it to her face, gasping from the cold of the water against her flushed cheeks. Pausing for a moment, she watched the stream once more, thinking back to what Alistair had said when she spared Loghain. Were her feelings just because of some stupid childhood crush? Was she so disillusioned with the world that she could overlook the wrongs of recent times and still look at this man as though he was her knight in shining armour? This was the man who had made it his goal to have her hunted down and killed. This was the man that she would watch every time she attended a banquet or a dance or any other gathering that her parents had forced her along too. She wished that he would notice her, wish that she would be worthy of his attention and, she had certainly received her wish, only, it was unwanted attention. She hadn't done anything wrong, and yet he had hired people to chase her to the farthest reaches of the Country in order to be rid of her. How could she still find a place in her heart that still wanted to be the centre of his attention more than anything? It wasn't even a small part of her that could be banished to the deepest depths, it was such a huge part of her that it was impossible to ignore, but everything that had happened, Catheryn may be young and she may be naive, but she wasn't foolish enough to believe that all could be forgiven in an instance.

Once back at the cave, Catheryn found Loghain was already awake and tending to the horses. He gave her a long look, but she couldn't tell his thoughts, for his face was like a stone. She returned the gaze for a second before busying herself with her chest armour, wincing slightly as the wound on her arm pinched. Pulling the straps tight, Catheryn took comfort in the sudden sensation of her armour around her once more, as though it had become a barrier to the outside world. It constricted her breathing ever so slightly and, in doing so, gave her a complete sense of safety. She folded the cloak carefully and let her fingers dance over it once more before moving to hand it back to him.

'Keep it.' His tone was probably a little more cold than he intended, judging by the startled look on her face. He let out another sigh and returned to tightening the saddle around his horses middle, gaining a grunt of disapproval from the stallion. Both he and the horse had a stare off before the horse looked forward once more, kicking the ground as a way of showing his feelings towards his rider.

Catheryn remained silent, wrapping the cloak around her once more, silently thankful to be allowed to keep it. Her own horse was even less co-operative with her and it took her a good while to win the mare's trust. Finally, after much nipping, biting, kicking and stamping...mainly from the horse, Catheryn was able to mount, with Maric right by her side, the stump of a tail wagging so fast that it made his whole back end shake from side to side. With a look to Loghain, he gave a simple nod and set off, with her following not far behind, the air thick with tension as they did so, neither one uttering a single word as they made their way back across the Countryside to the group they had left behind.

As the wind rushed through Catheryn's hair, giving her some much needed relief from the headache she had been sporting, it helped her clear her mind. Whilst she was on horseback, she found that she always thought more clearly and that her emotions didn't play such a big part in the the decisions that she made. Everything made so much sense, just as it did when she was in the midst of battle, when the only thing she could think about was defeating her current enemy before another one had a chance to gain on her. She found that she still thought about Loghain, and the night before, however, the thoughts were much less confusing now. Hadn't he already proven that he could be trusted? Hadn't he taken part on the joining without protest, knowing it could kill him? Hadn't he been the only one out of all her companions to come after her and make sure she was safe? If he hadn't followed her yesterday, she would have been dead by now and, before long, she would be simply have been remembered as the warden who fled her duties. Instead, he had given her a chance to redeem herself, to make amends for the stupid error in Judgement. Wasn't this enough to make up for everything that had happened in the last few weeks? It was a start at least and it was a start that Catheryn was willing to take because, no matter how much she tried to deny it, she was incapable of hating this man and still, in spite of everything that had happened, he was still the hero that had a taken hold of her heart the moment he had looked into her eyes, all those years ago


	7. Chapter 7

When they reached the others, night was already drawing in and Catheryn was exhausted from the days ride. The tension between Catheryn and Loghain had eased somewhat, mostly down to the fact that Loghain found he could not stay angry with her for very long, and that was something that annoyed him. He was still mulling over the night before and yet he had found, as they moved across the country side, little by little it had melted away and instead, it was replaced by a sense of confusion and frustration. Catheryn was so young, she had barely started her life whereas, he had already lived a whole life in comparison to her. Whilst she had been thrust unwillingly into a world filled with dangers, she still had so many things to experience. He thought to Anora and how he would feel if someone his age came along and tried to sweep her off her feet. He knew full well that he would be angry, to the point where he would challenge the man for having such deluded fantasies. Maybe it was, quite simply, the fact that she did remind him so much of Rowan and, for a moment, back in that cave, it was like he was the young Loghain with the beautiful Rowan by his side, in a time when, despite the danger in the world, having her close by made everything worth fighting for.

It hadn't been too hard to find the camp, not with Maric by their side and, soon, they were greeted with the soft orange glow of a fire just upon the horizon. It was a welcome sight, for the winds were definitely becoming colder as the day had progressed, which, was fine for Catheryn, because she had a thick cloak around her shoulders, but, Loghain himself could feel the chill running right through to his aching bones.

Once in front of the fire, neither Loghain or Catheryn spoke for a while, though, Catheryn could feel their eyes on them, as if worried one of them might explode, or, their heads might roll off. When they realised Catheryn was staring back at them, most looked away, except Morrigan, who gave Catheryn a very long look until finally, she seemed to be more interested in the fire than anything that Catheryn was doing.

'Wynne, Catheryn took an arrow to the shoulder on her adventure. I have patched it up as best I can, but it would be better that someone with knowledge of such things had a better look.'

Wynne nodded silently and moved over to Catheryn, much to her protest, insisting that she was alright. It took a very motherly but stern look from Wynne to Catheryn for her to finally relent whilst letting out a very long sigh of frustration at such things, reluctantly removing her chest armour once more, missing the warmth that it had given to her. She pulled the cloak tightly around her, leaving her shoulder for Wynne to inspect, burying her face into the cloth and bathing in the wonderful scent of the man beside her once more.

'You should take care you know.' Catheryn blinked as she heard the voice, barely a whisper from the wizened old mage.

Lifting her head a little, she looked at the snow white hair as her shoulder was prodded, making it throb uncomfortably.

'Ouch! And I am careful.'

'I meant with Loghain. He has already proven traitor cannot count on him.'

A rush of anger ran through Catheryn, causing her to pull her shoulder away quickly and replace her chest armour. Pulling the cloak around her like a shield, she barked at the old hag. 'At least he came for me, which is more than the rest of you did.'

Catching herself, she looked around the fire to see the others staring at her, Loghain most of all. His stare didn't make her feel uncomfortable, it just made her feel a little ashamed for being so easily riled by such simple words. Catheryn let out a sigh and closed her eyes for a moment as she gathered herself.

'I'm sorry, I'm tired. I will go and talk to Riordan and then I'll turn in for the night. I apologise.'

'But your sho-'

'I'm sure it'll be fine.'

Loghain stared after the young woman for a long time, watching her as she walked over to the other warden, clearly to apologise. He felt a deep sense of respect build for her in those moments, firstly because of the way she had handled whatever Wynne had said to upset her and, secondly, because she was confronting Riordan, well aware of the fact that she would probably be given a scolding. He had known grown men who would avoid such things, so seeing this, it reminded him what a remarkable young woman she really was. This, in turn, caused him to frown, for he had already told himself that he wouldn't get too close to her. Rubbing his temples, he watched as she spoke to the older warden, a deep sense of pride rising in him as she did so.

Catheryn approached Riordan tentatively, but kept her head held high, the cloak still wrapped tightly around her as she eased herself around the rocks to where he was sitting. She wasn't sure why he kept himself away from the others and away from the warmth of the fire. She glanced at him as he looked up from his food, those strange green eyes of his gave a blank expression as he looked at her, though, he seemed to already guess why she was there.

'I wanted to apologise for yesterday.'

'I see you have returned safely to us. Your own doing, or that of another?'

'I, well, mainly down to Loghain yes.

'This is why you have to learn tha-'

'I cannot save everyone, I know. I can save Ferelden but not every single person living here.'

'Well, at least you listen to someone. We are no**w** so few that we can**'t** risk losing someone who took an oath to fight the Blight.'

Catheryn blinked as Riordan offered her a seat, bowing her head politely and taking up his offer, she sat down and sighed softly, her legs and back aching from the ride during the day. She politely declined the salted meat that was offered to her, surprised to find that she wasn't at all hungry, even though it had been a long time since she and Loghain had stopped. Pulling her cloak around her a little tighter, she peered at the old warden, noting the lines on his face, trying to judge his age but only coming to the conclusion that he was around the same age as Duncan.

'I was from Highever you know, your family were a good family, good people and I'm truly sorry for what Howe did to them, and I am thankful for the fact that he died at your hands.'

She watched as he peered away and her eyes followed, watching the others around the fire, seeing as they kept to themselves, Zevran trying his best to use his charm to win over the unforgiving Leliana, Morrigan remaining her aloof self, Sten taking far more interest in staring off into the distance, Wynne sitting reading her book and then, there was Loghain.

Catheryn was pleased to see that Maric had taken a shine to him at least and was keeping him company. She couldn't read his expression from here, but she felt a pang of guilt as she watched Maric roll over to get a tummy rub, knowing full well that she and Maric were the only two who trusted him.

'Did Duncan ever tell you why the Grey Wardens are needed to defeat the Blight, in particular, the Archdemon?'

Snapping back from her thoughts, she gazed at Riordan once more, shaking her head a little in response. 'No, I don't think he got the time, everything was so hectic when we made for Ostagar and then, well, there wasn't much time after the joining before...'

'I thought as much. I had wondered if you realised the severity of the situation, then perhaps, you wouldn't be so quick to run off and anger as you do. It's not a slight on you at all, but, it is a difficult burden to bear alone, especially when you have had to choose between two people who, for one reason or another, mean something to you.'

'Alistair was allowed to go back on his duties...'

'Alistair is heir to the throne and whatever the rules of the Grey Wardens is, Ferelden needs a King, you should know that better than anyone, considering the person you do listen to, helped restore that line...'

'And then he had a hand in making sure it was almost destroyed.'

'I cannot think what led him to that decision, however, no one is perfect. I am sure your Father told you the stories about the Orlesians. Would you want to risk Ferelden's future on the sake of hear say?'

Catheryn fell silent and her eyes fell to Loghain once again, shocked to find that she locked with those Ice-blue orbs as she did so. The look lingered for a long moment before she looked away, shaking her head slowly.

'No.'

'But now, we have proof that the Archdemon is at the head of the horde, we also know that, now Loghain is a Grey Warden, he will have those same visions and he will have seen what we have seen. We do not know where the Horde is, nor do we know when it will strike, but it will be soon, which is why I wanted to leave Denerim in a matter of urgency.'

'I don't-'

'We need to go back to Ostagar, you need to get those missives that Cailan had that held the promise of Orlesian support if the Blight gets out of hand. The Orlesian wardens can only do so much, you will need more forces.'

'How did you-'

'I was based in Orlais remember? I only came because we hadn't heard from Duncan and, being Ferelden, they thought that I would be able to find you faster than anyone else, something which I failed in and, for that, I apologise, for we would have had more time.'

'But that wa-'

Catheryn frowned as she watched his hand wave in front of her face to silence her once more, a slight pout coming to her lips as she bit back the response and the questions that she had forming on the tip of her tongue.

'I believe we have enough time to go back to Ostagar and get those missives off to Orlais before the Darkspawn make their final move. It will mean that the Orlesians are late in coming, however, they will come and they can bring the other Grey Wardens with them.'

Silence fell between them as she let his words sink in, her head trying to make sense of all the thoughts that were running through her head. She knew it made sense, she knew that they couldn't pass up the opportunity to do whatever was needed to end the Blight, but the reality of what they needed to do was hard to stomach. Not only because it meant going back to Ostagar, a place where Catheryn never wanted to return, not so long as she had her senses at least, but, it also meant going against the wishes and fears of the man who had risked all to free Ferelden from the clutches of the Orlesians and asking him to welcome them back to these lands, to the lands they had very nearly destroyed just as effectively as the Darkspawn could. It wasn't a conversation that she was looking forward to having, but she knew she had to do it, for the sake of Ferelden, as her duty as a Grey Warden.

'Very well, but I will speak to Loghain first, before we tell the others. That is the least we can do.'

She peered at Riordan and was pleasantly surprised to find that he didn't protest to this. Sighing softly, she pushed herself up and headed back over to the group, the levels of dread rising in her with each step.

Her face must have been grave when she returned to the group, for Loghain took one look at her and jumped up as though she were about to fall where she stood. With a hint of shock in her eyes, she peered at the others for a moment before she gestured for him to follow, remaining silent until they were well out of earshot of the group. She took her place underneath a tree and looked up to him, still unsure as to how she would break the news to him.

'Catheryn, what's wrong?'

'I-, no, we, the group, we need to go back to Ostagar.' She sighed softly as the words fell from her lips, trying to read the blank expression on his face.

'Whatever do we need to do that for? I thought we were heading to RedCliffe to end this Blight?'

'So did I, but, we have more pressing matters. We do not have the numbers to defeat the Darkspawn and, with only three wardens, the chance of beating the Archdemon, is well, greatly in the Archdemons favour.'

'What are you saying?'

Catheryn noted the coolness to his tone and the ice that had formed in his eyes. She hesitated slightly, before taking a deep breath and holding her head high.

'There are missives at Ostagar, Cailan had already arranged them. They carry the promise of Orlesian suppor-'

The roar of anger that escaped from Loghain could have woken the Maker himself, and it caused Catheryn to step away in fright, her back coming into contact with the trunk of the tree. She had never seen such anger in anybody's eyes and her heart pounded against her ribcage as though it were trying to break free. She shook slightly, trying her best to stand tall, watching as he turned on his heel and took a deep breath as though to try, very poorly, to surpress the anger that was rising inside him.

'Do you think I spent all that time fighting the Orlesians to just hand them Ferelden back on a whim? Do you think your father fought against the Orlesians to see his daughter hand over the rights to our lands without so much as a second thought?'

'I don't know what my father would have wanted to see, I imagine, he wouldn't have wanted to see his Daughter forced to the Grey Wardens and his wife murdered before his eyes, but he didn't get a choice in that either.'

Her brown eyes locked with his gaze, the two of them in an angry silence for what seemed like a life time. She refused to look away, she refused to back down. She had to make him see that his fears were unjustified and that, for once, asking for help was not a sign of weakness. Finally, he looked away and she knew that he was mentally kicking himself for giving in to her.

'Will they even get here in time?'

'I don't know, I am just going with what I have been told and using this opportunity to try and finish this Blight once and for all. If the Orlesians come, they will bring more Grey Wardens, which means Ferelden has a much better chance of surviving this Blight if the worst happens to the three of us.'

Loghain looked at her for a long time, taking in her words, feeling his anger ebb away as he looked into those beautifully warm brown orbs. He knew she had been worried about telling him, but, he also knew that she had the courtesy to tell him first and, that she took no pleasure in giving him this news. He hated himself for letting her have such an affect on him, but, at the same time, a part of him was relieved, as it made him feel like he was alive for the first time since Rowan had died.

'I don't suppose there is really any other choice in the matter is there?'

'No, but, I am not commanding you Loghain, I respect you more than that. I am, however, asking you to come with us, to come with me.'

Catheryn stepped away from the tree and closed the gap between them, still looking up at him, still refusing to let their gaze drop as she did so. The silence between them, this time, was far more relaxed and finally, she saw his shoulders drop a little and he gave a nod of his head.

'Thank you.'

Without another word, Catheryn stepped on tip toe and placed a kiss on his cheek, for she felt that words were not enough to show how grateful she was to him for his support for this foolish mission. She felt him lean into the kiss, his forehead resting against hers ever so briefly before she pulled away, preparing herself for the task of telling the others, which now, didn't seem quite as daunting as it previously had


	8. Chapter 8

Catheryn stretched as she woke, wincing slightly in pain from the aches that seemed to scream through her body, causing every muscle to cry out in protest at such a wicked move, as though she were being tortured by some unknown force. She had had a wretched night, filled with visions of the Archdemon and the Darkspawn, unable to make out anything amidst the noise that they made, the crying, the groaning, it chilled down to the very depths of the soul and night after night, she had been plagued by similar visions, growing more weary as the lack of sleep took its toll on her young body. However, last night, more than any other night, she was able to take comfort despite the visions. She was not alone in them, she could sense Loghain by her side, just as she had done the night of his joining. She wasn't sure why should could sense his presence, for she had never been able to do the same with Alistair or with Riordan around, but, she took heart in the sensation, for it meant that she wasn't alone, she felt safe, as though he were watching over her, and, that, in those moments, he was allowing her to be close to him, to offer her mutual support to this infuriating, yet magnificent man.

Climbing out of her tent, she felt the ground beneath her move a little and staggered before she found her footing, a cough sounding from the deepest reaches of her chest, causing the others to spin around and look at her. She noted the look of concern on their faces but brushed it off. They had mostly heard her shouts as she had her visions and she was more than used to this reaction by now. She gazed around the camp, her eyes falling to Loghain, their eyes locking for a the longest of moments, a look full of understanding and knowing. They were not as distant as they usually were, they were still cold, but, Catheryn found that she could take more comfort in them at this moment than she had before. Before she could say anything, Riordan was before her, blocking her view of Loghain, causing her to blink up at him, shying away from the early morning light.

'I was beginning to think that you would not wake, we have been trying since first light. Is everything ok?'

'I'm fine, I was just tired, it's been an exciting couple of days and, then, the visions.' She peered at him, confusion etched on her face as she watched him study her. Shifting uncomfortably, her eyes fell to the rolls of parchment in his hand. 'What are those for?'

Riordan peered at the scrolls, as though he had almost forgotten about them and then beckoned to Loghain and Catheryn, both of whom followed without a word of protest. As she passed Loghain, she saw him give her a very concerned look. She raised an eyebrow, not quite following what was going on. Her visions hadn't been that bad in the night had they? Did everyone else think she was going mad? It would certainly seem that way, with the worried glances she kept getting from all over the place. Even Maric was much less frantic than usual and simply trotted by her side, rather than his usual friendly mauling of love.

Lowering herself wearily to the ground, Catheryn pulled her cloak tight around her, that was, as soon as Maric had wriggled his way between her legs and buried his face under her arm. Stroking his ear gently, she watched the parchments unravel to reveal maps of Ferelden, realisation coming to her, though she did not speak, instead, she coughed again and shivered slightly.

'We need to work out the quickest way possible to Ostagar and back to Redcliffe. Usually I would suggest going through Lother-'

'No, Lothering was destroyed by the Darkspawn not long after Ostagar. We would be walking into the dragon's pit if we went took that route. We need to head South and West over the Southron Hills, from there, we can head North to Lake Calenhad, that will give us a faster route to Redcliffe now that the Circle of Magi has resolved it's issues.' Catheryn fingered the map as she spoke, tracing the route that she believe they should follow, noting the silence as they listened to her suggestion.

Loghain listened to the young woman, he kept his face emotionless, but he was impressed by how much the young warden had picked up during her time as a warden. Despite her skill with a shield and blade, there was no way that such informed words could come from teaching alone. That meant that despite her fear, despite the endless fighting with Darkspawn and trying to escape those who wanted to claim the bounty on her head, she had picked up valuable information about the land and she had taken it in quickly. It showed remarkable intuition and some of the Generals he had known in his time would have had difficulty coming up with a response as quickly as that, especially given how little time she had actually spent experiencing these things for herself.

Catheryn flushed as both of them stared at her, shifting under their gaze,wondering if she had come up with some useless plan that would only work in the wildest of fantasies. However, Loghain reached forward and took the map, looking at the route she had traced with her fingers. He studied it for a moment, before gazing at her, his face not betraying any thoughts that he had.

'If Lothering is truly lost, we risk running into Darkspawn in the woods and trees from the South Reach-'

'Then we veer East slightly and make out way through the protection of the Brecilian Forest. The Dalish have kept the Darkspawn at bay for now, the forest will be a safer route if needed.'

'But the Dalish aren't exactly welcoming to humans...'

'The Dalish have pledged to join us in battle for the Darkspawn. Many of them will be making their way to Redcliffe as we speak, however, there will be some left behind and they will be skilled enough to keep the forest as safe as possible.'

Again, Loghain found that he couldn't help but stare at this remarkable young woman, listening to her give counsel that would be suited to someone who was twice her age, someone who was battle worn and hardened against all the things that war could throw at them. She was speaking as though she had been fighting all her life and it was still hard to believe that only a couple of months ago, she was in the training area at Highever, daydreaming about battle and gallant knights. However, the moment was replaced by concern as Catheryn coughed again and Loghain saw a shiver run through her entire being.

'Catheryn, are you sure everything is alright...?'

Slightly surprised by the warmth and tenderness in his voice, she blinked a couple of times and then gave a soft smile, nodding her head slowly as she tickled Maric's ear.

'I'm fine, just tired, last night was not exactly filled with a restful sleep.'

Her warm brown eyes locked with those icy blue depths once more, a silence falling between them, one filled with understanding. The look lingered for a long time until Riordan coughed awkwardly, Catheryn flushing deeply once more as she pushed herself up, much to the protest of Maric who had just been falling asleep.

'We should start making our way, we need to make as much time up as possible, to give us enough time to get the missives off.'

Noticing Loghain's shoulders tense, Catheryn simply nodded to Riordan, trying to keep the subject as far from the topic of conversation as possible. She already knew that he had agreed, very reluctantly, to help, and she didn't want to push the issue by having constant reminders about the mission. Perhaps, if he tried to forget about it, the very thought wouldn't taste as bitter to him. She caught his eye once more, apologising silently to him before making her way back over to the others to begin packing up their equipment.

'This will take us too close to my mother for comfort, we have to find another way.'

Catheryn peered at the speaker, her own eyes somewhat distant as a familiar argument started to take hold. Sighing softly and wincing slightly from the pain in her chest, Catheryn returned to tying the tent up as tightly as possible, finding this a much more interesting chore than the conversation that was about to take place.

'Ah, I see you heard. We cannot risk too many fights with the Darkspawn because you are afraid of your mother.'

'If you had had a mother like mine, you'd be scared of her too.'

Standing up a little too quickly, Catheryn swayed on the spot, closing her eyes tight before she focused on the cool gaze of Morrigan, noting the resolve hardening in the young woman's eyes. Letting out a soft sigh, Catheryn picked up the tent, returning her focus to Morrigan, more to stop the world spinning around her than anything else.  
'We don't have much other choice. Didn't you promise to come with us to stop the Blight?'

Morrigan's lips thinned and her eyes narrowed, peering at her with a distinct amount of coolness as the words sank in and Catheryn knew full well what was about to come from the lips of the mage.

'I did, but that didn't mean I would follow you on foolish missions. I will find my way to Redcliffe and wait for you there, that is, if you don't die at the hands of the Darkspawn or my mother.'

'Very well, I cannot force you to stay with us. Take care and we will meet you at Redcliffe.'

Catheryn's tone made it absolutely clear that she wasn't about to argue or try and beg Morrigan to stay. She was powerful yes and, she had saved their lives with her skills on countless occasions, however, the journey and mission ahead was too dangerous to continue on without everyone being completely dedicated to getting it done. They had no time for doubts or fears, however real they may be, not with an entire Country at stake. Morrigan gave one final glance before moving off, Catheryn returning to her tent without a second glance.

'Look after her...someone will have to when I'm not around.' Surprised by the words, Catheryn looked around only to find Morrigan stalking off into the distance, with Loghain now standing beside her. Her brow furrowed slightly as she watched her go, a pang of guilt now setting in.

'You handled that well, you were right when you said that we couldn't risk the change in plans, just as you were right with the course that we should take.'

Catheryn smiled weakly at him, going to pick her tent up, only to find that he had taken it from her and placed it over his shoulder, giving her a long look.

'It doesn't make it any easier to lose someone who is vital to the group.'

'We never like losing our companions in times like this, no matter their influence on the group, however, we also cannot take the risk of changing plans because it does not suit someone. Do not be too hard on yourself, you have more wisdom than you give yourself credit for. Your father would have been proud if he could see you now.' Loghain turned on his heel after one last lingering look, leaving Catheryn trying to hold back the tears from the strength of his words, finding an incredible amount of comfort and warmth as they sank in


	9. Chapter 9

Rain greeted the group not long into the start of their journey, the sort of fine rain that seemed to coat everything and make everything feel that much more damp and cold than a steady downpour would. It seemed to linger on wool, on cloth, to get into each and every gap in the armour, soaking the wearer to the skin. The group of travellers shivered as the rain continued, their heads bent low against the incoming drizzle and wind, trying to keep as warm as possible, which, for most, was almost impossible due to the few clothes they were wearing. The one thing about the constant drizzle was, it meant that their progress was quick, though no one spoke, they maintained a steady speed, trying to get out from under the greying sky before the heavens opened completely.

The mist that formed over the horizon added a distinctly strange feeling to a land that was already eerily silent. The further south they went, the less travellers they met on the road until finally, it had been a good couple of hours since they had seen a wagon on the road. Instead, there was evidence of Darkspawn around, the black residue that seemed to follow them clung to trees, to rocks and to the ground beneath. The ever thickening row of trees showed evidence of Ogres passing through, with whole trunks upturned from the roots. It caused a distinct amount of tension in the group as each kept their eye on the line of trees, preparing themselves for the ambush that didn't seem to come.

The journey had been increasingly difficult for Catheryn and, as the day progressed, she could feel herself getting weaker by the moment. She had started off well enough, except for she had found it hard to find the energy to mount her horse. Using the commotion of the camp as a cover, she had led the mare to a rock to aid in the task, not wanting to draw attention to the fact that she didn't feel her usual self. They couldn't afford to waste any more time and Catheryn had hoped that, as the day progressed, she would at least feel somewhat brighter.

However, that wasn't meant to be. As the drizzle started to fall on them, Catheryn had wrapped the cloak tighter around herself, thankful for the protection from the cold and wet that it brought, for a time at least. She felt a little guilty as she watched Loghain, hunched against the wind and rain without a cloak on, seeing as he had given her his own, when she had lost hers fighting the Darkspawn. However, she couldn't think about it took much, because just thinking seemed use up far too much of her energy.

Catheryn had noticed the concerned looks that she was getting from Loghain and felt thankful that he had moved from the front of the group and was now travelling along side her at the back. He didn't say anything, just kept giving her lingering glances as they advanced. At times, he had to stop completely to give her a chance to catch up, because, the weaker she got, the more her horse seemed unwilling to race forward. It was as though they had finally reached a mutual understanding and now, her horse was reacting as loyally as Maric would do, doing its best to protect its rider.

Feeling a cough rip through her chest, echoing against the silent, damp world like a cannon, Catheryn clutched at her chest, trying to steady herself on the saddle as she did so. Pulling the horse to a stop, she leant forward on to the horse's mane and tried to calm her breathing, which was now wheezing dangerously in her chest, adding a rasping sound to every breath. Her armour felt tight, too tight, as though it were suffocating her, yet she was reluctant to remove it, because it offered some protection from the cold winds that were racing along the road. Before she knew what was happening, she was being pulled gently off her horse, her knees going weak before she clung to the form, finding it hard to focus on the individual for a moment, before realisation dawned on her.

'Loghai-...'

'Shh, don't speak, it's ok.'

His words were soft, again, taking Catheryn by surprise, however, she didn't protest when she felt her armour being removed, giving her some much needed breathing space, although, the gasp of air that she did take resulted in a very heavy bout of coughing and it left her exhausted once it had passed. Neither of them spoke as Loghain finished his task, securing her armour to her horse before he wrapped her in, what she assumed, was the blanket he had used the night before, because it had the same wonderful scent as the cloak did. She pulled the blanket tightly around her, thankful for the warmth it provided. Without any hesitation, Loghain placed her on his own horse before climbing up behind her, one hand holding her close to him and the additional warmth told Catheryn that he too had removed his chest armour. She grimaced a little and pulled back, even though she barely had the strength to move.

'You can't travel like this-'

'I'll be fine. Rest and I'll make sure we find somewhere to stop.'

'No, we don'-'

'It would be far more damaging to the mission if you died along the way because we did not take the time to stop. We can make it up once you have recovered. Stop being brave and let someone look after you for a change.'

Catheryn decided it was probably best not to argue, judging by the tone of his voice. Leaning into his chest, Catheryn felt him nudge his horse forward and before long, she gave into the overwhelming exhaustion that came over her and the world faded to black.

Loghain soon caught up with the others, though, he gave a concerned look down at Catheryn as she slept. She was hot to the touch, incredibly hot, though she was shivering violently against him. He pulled her tighter to him, listening to the wheezing in her chest, trying to hide the mixed emotions that were running through him at this moment in time. He found the group were still making their way along the road, though, they turned when they heard the hooves of both his and Catheryn's horses speeding down the road.

'Maker's breath, what has happened?' Leliana pulled her horse up, moving over to Loghain as he eased to a stop.

'We need to find somewhere to sto-'

Before he could respond, a groaning noise to the right caught all their attention, each and every one of them tensing as they watched the Darkspawn filtering out of the trees. They were approaching slowly for now, eyeing up their enemy and in the midst, Loghain could see another figure, a much taller Darkspawn. Recalling a memory from what felt like a lifetime ago, he knew this was one of the Generals and, despite their reputation, he was holding the line as effectively as a human General might. However, Loghain saw the call before it came.

'Left, now, into the trees!'

None of the group needed telling twice as they kicked at the flanks of their steeds, guiding them into the forest to their left, the Darkspawn springing to action behind them, their weapons raised high as they gave chase, easing their way in and out of the trees as though it were familiar territory to them by now and the speed in which they moved was quite frightening.

Up until this point, Loghain had been guiding the mare with him, but he was unable to guide her and make sure that he and Catheryn navigated the woods without being caught. Letting the reins drop, he silently apologised to the poor animal, although, judging by the way it sped passed them, the mare definitely wasn't the one he had to worry about.

Hearing an arrow whistle passed his ear, Loghain ducked, using his body to protect Catheryn from any incoming attacks, whilst he eased the horse through trees, trying, as best he could, to get over the unsteady ground as swiftly as possible. The horse stumbled a couple of times, causing Loghain's heart to leap into his mouth with fear that they would be thrown at any moment, but, the stallion was quick on his feet and managed to get its footing before it came to that. Again, Loghain was impressed by the quality of the horses and mused that there had been a great number of times during his time with Maric that they could have done with horses half as intelligent as these.

Finally, the Darkspawn seemed to melt away into the forest, allowing Loghain to slow the pace a little and catch his breath, looking down at the sickly woman that he carried in his arms. She was none the wiser about the trouble that she was causing, her skin becoming more pale as the moments passed. Pulling her tight once more, he gazed around and only then realised that he and Catheryn were alone. He couldn't see or hear the rest of the group anywhere and, because of the earthy ground beneath them, the chances of hearing hooves were slim to none. Sighing softly, he was about to urge the horse on again, when he was greeted with a circle of arrows aimed and ready to strike, yellow eyes trained on him, watching with their hawk like precision.

'Loghain Mac Tir, it has been a very long time in the woods again I see, and with a companion just as valuable as the last.'

Gazing as the elf stepped forward, Loghain's eyes widened as he recognised him. Loghain watched as the Elven archers lowered their bows and he, himself, dismounted carefully with Catheryn still in his arms, eyeing the elf carefully.

'It has been a long time indeed.'


	10. Chapter 10

Loghain sat in silence as he watched her sleep, his chin resting on his hands as his eyes lingered on her form. He watched as the blankets rose and fell in time with her breathing, listened to the deep, steady breaths, noting that the wheezing had all but gone away and her breathing was much clearer and easier for her than it had been. She had barely moved all night, the exhaustion in her body evident as she gave into the need for rest. His own eyes were heavy, he had been watching all night, a part of him fearing that if he left that tent, something terrible would happen.

He found himself wondering how he could have ended up in this position yet again. He had already made the promise to himself to help her, to protect her and to share her burden but to do it all from a distance and yet, here he was, watching over her, caring for her, concerned about her...these weren't the feelings or emotions of a man who was trying to maintain his distance. It reminded him of Maric and the oath he had sworn to his own Father, to see Maric safely to the rebel army, with every intention of leaving once that task was completed. However, instead, he had stayed, he had fallen in love with Rowan, he had become the Hero of River Dane, was made Teryn and everything led him to where he was today, watching over this remarkable young woman, trying to make sense of the fear that had risen inside him when he thought that she might not pull through.

Sitting back in the chair, he tried to tell himself that it was because she reminded him of Rowan, from her looks, to her hair, to her strength, but he knew that wasn't true. The one thing that was different about Catheryn was her eyes and whilst Rowan had had beautiful grey eyes, the warmth that he found whenever he looked into Catheryn's eyes was simply breath-taking. When he glanced at Catheryn, he saw Catheryn, when he closed his eyes, it was no longer Rowan he could see, but Catheryn. He found himself still thinking of Rowan, but those thoughts were becoming less frequent. What had caused the change? Was it the night back in the cave...or was it the night in the camp, where they had shared each others visions, standing side by side. He didn't know and right now, the only thing he was clinging on to was the fact that she was far too young for him and he knew he couldn't over step that line.

He watched as Catheryn stirred in her sleep, taking comfort in the movement, he pushed himself up and stretched to ease his aching muscles. Slipping silently from the tent, he eyed the nearby elves carefully, the same stoic look on his face as he approached them.

One of them looked up and grinned at Loghain, offering a plate of food whilst making room in front of the fire, watching as the silent man sat beside him. 'I see you haven't lost that serious look Loghain.'

'I seem to remember that you could do the talking for all of us Orilon, even when we were supposed to be quiet.' Loghain eyed the elf as he laughed, taking in the tattoos on the elf's face, noting how much they stood out against his pale skin.

'We didn't need to be so serious all the time, and we got the job done and, here you are again, lost in the woods, although, the one you have with you now is distinctly more attractive than when you were lost with Maric... I'm not surprised you were clinging too her so tightly.'

'I was not clinging, she was sick and I didn't know you were to be trusted.' Loghain's eyes narrowed as the elf held a hand over his heart.

'You wound me! Like I would ever attack you, even if you have become the most hated man in Ferelden. I was there in the Night Elves with you, I remember what the battles were like.'

Loghain studied the elf as he fell silent, his eyes hovering over the torn ear before he returned to his food, the group falling silent for a moment, as though no other explanation was needed.

'She is pretty for a Shemlen though...' The speaker was another male elf, this one seemed a lot younger than Orilon and had a glint in his eyes that suggested to Loghain that he would be difficult to control. Not in a bad way, but, mischievious.

'Careful now Aranost, we don't want to offend-'

'I'm not offended.' Loghain barked this, causing the Elves to snicker softly before helping themselves to another drink. It seemed Aranost had latched on to a sore point, and, not realising who he was dealing with, decided to push it a little further.

'Oh...so...you wouldn't mind if I take the chance to get to know the beautiful shemlen? If there is no one else courting her that is...I am sure she would appreciate some company before she faces the Darkspawn horde.'

Loghain's lips thinned, though he tried to keep his expression as emotionless as possible, something which seemed to cause the young elf a lot of enjoyment. The Elf's yellow eyes shone in light from the nearby fire, making it quite clear he wasn't done with his entertainment just yet.

'No answer? Very well, I will have to see how my charms work on her then, seeing as, she doesn't have any other suitors. Such a shame for such a shapely young woman...'

Orilon sensed the danger before any of the others could, most likely because he had spent so much time with Loghain back when they formed the unit known as the 'Night Elves'. He knew Loghain, it took a lot to push that man to losing his cool, something that was needed when you were so close to King Maric, however, Orilon was somewhat taken by the speed in which Loghain was beginning to lose his cool.

'So, Loghain, tell me, how is it that you ended up with the Warden that, by the rumours, you went to great pains to try and have killed?'

Loghain had locked eyes with the amber eyes of Aranost, his fist clenching slightly as he attempted to gather his thoughts once more. Hearing Orilon's question, the two had a stare off and Loghain was silently pleased when the young elf looked away. Loghain had that affect on others, all except Catheryn that was. Turning his attention back to the elder Elf, Loghain sighed, knowing full well that he wouldn't get out of telling this tale.

It took Catheryn a little while to figure out where she was when she woke, trying to recall the memories of the day before, only to be greeted by brief glimpses of Loghain, of Elves and of an Elven woman tending to her through the night. For the first time since her joining, Catheryn felt as though she had finally had a decent night's sleep and, judging by the lack of light in the tent, she had slept through pretty much the most of the day. Yawning softly, Catheryn looked around the the tent, searching for her armour, confusion etched on her face when she couldn't place it. It was then that she saw some clothes had been left out for her, a very real sense of dread coming to her face as she eyed the armour carefully.

'Ah, here she is, our dear Warden is awake!'

Loghain turned and almost choked on the drink he had just taken, catching himself just in time as his eyes fell to Catheryn, taking in her appearance, well aware that the two Elves beside him also had their eyes on her. Not that he could blame them, she had been left with an outfit similar to what the Dalish warriors themselves would wear, only, for females, it was far more revealing than any of the armour that the Grey Wardens would be seen in. Fashioned out of leather coloured a very dark brown, it hugged her figure perfectly and, Loghain found himself thinking how it brought out the beautiful warm colour of her eyes. Her cheeks weren't nearly as pale as they had been the previous day and her hair was currently down, flowing down her back to her waist. Again, Loghain found that he tried to convince himself that she was far too young for him, but, in that moment, her youth was part of her attraction.

Catheryn blinked at the three, flushing a little as they fell silent, suddenly feeling as though she were on display and showing far too much flesh for her liking. The armour was tight around her and whilst more flexible than the heavy armour she usually wore, she was very aware as to how it pressed her cleavage together and also, of the cool air that was now dancing around her legs. As far as she was concerned, armour should cover as much flesh as possible, especially down in those regions.

Sighing softly, she moved over to them and sat down next to Loghain, accepting the food that was offered to her and taking a bite, savouring how wonderfully warm the food felt as it slipped down. She felt as though she hadn't eaten in a week and was desperate to devour the food in front of her. However, with Loghain next to her, she wasn't about to start acting like a savage beast and instead, called upon the training her mother had so graciously put her through in order to try and turn her into something that resembled a Lady, rather than a brute with a stick.

Catheryn had taken much offence to this term when she was younger, however, she now realised that it had been a term used in affection, rather than to hurt and a part of her wished she could hear her mother call her that at least one last time.

'Oh, no introductions? And we so kindly brought you here and had you all healed up and ready to fight another day.' Aranost sat back, the mischevious glint in his eyes as Catheryn peered at him.

'Well, you were all so busy staring, I figured I would at least get some food in me before it went cold.'

'Ooh, she's fiesty, I like fiesty, they're always much more fun to play with!' Aranost moved closer to Catheryn, who, in turn, remained exactly where she was, though, she did note how Loghain tensed at the words, something that sent her own mind racing.

'Ignore him Catheryn, he is Aranost and he is young and foolish. I am Orilon, I served with Loghain in the Night Elves.'

Catheryn started at this, eyeing the Elf with wonder more than anything else. She then peered at Loghain, before looking back at the Elf, a playful grin coming to her lips as she spoke.

'So...you would be able to give me all the stories about Loghain in his earlier years then? It's ever so hard to get a story out of him...'

'I am pretty sure you would find those stories incredibly boring Catheryn.'

She smiled as she looked at Loghain, the glint in her eyes making her intentions quite clear. Part of Loghain wondered if the poor woman had taken a knock to the head, whilst the rest of him was silently relieved to find that her recent ordeal hadn't affected her too greatly at all.

'Well, how would I know if they were boring unless I hear them? If I fall asleep at any time, I promise you can stop...'

'You're troublesome, do you know that?'

'Yeah, I get that a lot. It would be boring if I made life easy for everyone.'

Catheryn smiled warmly and was surprised to see Loghain return it, noting that it was probably the first time she had ever seen him smile. The difference that it brought to his features was incredible and it gave him a much warmer, much more approachable feel. It was something that caused Catheryn to catch her breath and, in that moment, made the fact that she was truly and utterly in love with this wonderful man all the more real.

The tales had continued on well into the evening and whilst Catheryn hadn't managed to get any stories about what Loghain was like when he was younger, she had managed to get two very good accounts of the battle for Gwaren, as well as another battle that the Night Elves had participated in whilst returning the rightful King to his throne. Orilon had done most of the talking, Catheryn listening intently, whilst aware that at times, Loghain shifted uncomfortably, especially if there was any mention about how many of the decisions Loghain had made had pretty much always turned the tide of battle in favour of the rebels. It was at these moments that Catheryn would take the chance to gaze at Loghain, watching for his reaction, even though she knew by now that he would take most of it and greet it with the same unreadable expression.

Before long, Catheryn was up beside Orilon, having mentioned that she had never had much chance to give Archery a go. Loghain had noticed the glint in her eye as she had said this, but chose not to say anything, instead, interested to see the challenge she would provide for the talented Elf. He had been one of the finest archers he had ever met, which was why he had risen through the ranks under Loghain's command. Just the nature of the conversation had taken Loghain back nearly thirty years and, at times, he almost forgot that there was the very real possibility that his time on Thedas was reaching its end. As he watched Catheryn take aim at the target, the thought that he would not get to see her any more gave him a very real chill to his core. He also realised that her time too could soon be at an end, if they failed to defeat the Blight and, despite his personal protests, the thought that he could lose someone else, someone who meant a great deal to him, left him feeling numb.

Catheryn's first shot was right on target, much to the dismay of Orilon who jokingly claimed that cheating and foul play were involved. Laughing, Catheryn assured him that it was simply beginners luck that had given her a helping hand, even if she knew, deep down, that she was not new to Archery at all. She hadn't spent as much time honing it as her sword skills, that was true, but she most certainly wasn't a novice, though she did take great enjoyment in seeing his face whenever she matched him, stroke for stroke. Her shots were a little off, some hitting just outside the bullseye, but, on the most part, they hit home and they hit deep. It was only when Orilon declared that it was now sudden death that Catheryn felt a little worried. However, to her surprise, Loghain had appeared behind her, whispering instructions into her ear, something that caused a shock of excitement to run through her body, goosebumps rushing over her skin as she felt his breath on her neck. She felt him move around her, his hands guiding her form into the right position, causing Catheryn to close her eyes for a moment to calm herself. Taking a deep breath, she opened them again and looked back at Loghain, feeling him hold her gaze for what felt like an eternity. It was only when Orilon's voice sounded that the two jumped and Loghain moved back to his seat, his eyes focused on her as he did so.

Recalling what Loghain had told her was hard, for, it had been almost impossible to concentrate, what with the thoughts that had been racing around her head the moment she had felt him close to her. Taking a deep breath, she calmed herself and took aim, holding the bow straight and pausing for a moment, the look in Loghain's eyes just now was etched on her memory and her heart was pounding in her chest. However, she was determined to put in the best shot possible and so, banishing those thoughts briefly and let the arrow fly from the bow, the sound of the string echoing into the night air.

In the end, it was only down to Orilon's superior night vision that led him to victory. Catheryn's shot had hit the target, however, his arrow had split hers in half. Even after half an hour, he was still joking about foul play in his usual, relaxed manner, however, Loghain noted that even for Orilon, it was rare to see him as relaxed and calm as he was now. The Elves, after all, were renowned throughtout Thedas for their aloof and distant ways. Even those who interacted with humans on a regular basis had a deep mistrust for them and it could take years for someone to earn their respect enough for the Elf to lower their guards and show their true personality. It had taken Loghain the best part of a year to earn Orilon's respect and yet, here was Catheryn, her easy going, kind, gentle ways seemed to work wonders on the Elves around them. It was a rare trait to possess and Loghain found that he probably shouldn't be too surprised by the affect that she seemed to have on others, after all, she had begun to break down his own barriers and, even in the short time he had known her, he found himself trusting her more than he would have done some of his longest serving Captains. He rested his head in his hands once more as he observed her, using the fists to hide the very slight smile that came to his lips as he watched her.

Before long, it was time to turn in for the night and after a series of fond good nights, Loghain followed Catheryn into the tent, watching as she bent over the lamp and turned it on, leaving the tent with a soft orange glow that danced in the cool evening air, making the shadows sway gently.

'I am glad to see that you have returned to full health.' His voice was warm and his tone not as distant as it usually was, his eyes taking her in, the soft light of the lamp making her eyes seem to dance as she returned his gaze.

Loghain froze as in an instant, she was in front of him and her arms were around his waist, her head resting on his chest. It was so sudden and so unexpected that it took him completely by surprise. He was used to being there to offer comfort to others and it was something that he was good at, even if he did try and maintain the cool exterior, but, never had he had someone seek out such contact with him and not expect anything in return. There was no urgent need in the embrace, there was no desire for comfort from tears, the embrace was warm, it was kind, it was thankful and despite himself and despite his best efforts, he felt his arms wrap around her waist, his head resting against hers, taking in the delicate fragrance of her hair.

After what seemed like an eternity, Catheryn tilted her head up to look into his ice-blue eyes, not moving from the embrace, rejoicing in having him this close to her, to be able to have listened to his heart beating in his chest, to feel the warmth of his body against hers, to take in that wonderful scent of the man who owned every inch of her being. The silence between them remained, the gaze lingering on, the moment filled with so much affection, Catheryn felt like she might suffocate and she welcomed it. She felt one of his hands on her face, his fingers brushing away the hair from her face, his thumb tracing over her cheek before he cupped her face gently and tilted it up, his own reaching down until, finally, with a gentle gasp, Catheryn felt his lips on hers and in an instant, she was responding to the kiss, her lips pressing against his, feeling the hand on her waist pull her tighter to his form as the kiss between them deepened. It was beyond every dream and desire she had ever had, the moment was perfect and here, in the magic of the Elven camp, with the world feeling like it was a million leagues away, she didn't want it to end, she didn't want to return to a world where they had to battle Darkspawn, where she risked losing the incredible man who was holding her so tightly and kissing her so deeply at this very moment.

Breaking the kiss, Loghain kept her head in his hand, resting his forehead against hers, feeling her breath on his face as they caught their breath, her hands were tracing up and down his back, his hand on her waist, holding her as tightly as he possibly could. Leaning in for another kiss, Loghain felt her hands move around his shoulders and through his hair, her body pressing as tightly to his as it possibly could, the sensations causing parts of him to stir that he had long since forgotten about.

'Loghain, Catheryn, you have to co-'

As though they been struck by lightning, the pair pulled from the kiss, Loghain's hands dropping from her waist as the two looked at the Elf, noting the grave expression, the worry now etching on to Catheryn's face.

'Orilon, what's wrong?'

'Your companions, injured, here, no time to explain...sorry...'

He gave them an apologetic look as they glanced at each other, holding the other's gaze for a moment, with no words needing to be spoken, as though they had reached a silent, mutual agreement. Catheryn nodded in silent thanks and grabbed her cloak, rushing from the tent with one last look back at Loghain, who simply stood there and watched as the curls of her hair disappeared from view.


	11. Chapter 11

(I want to thank TheLonelySeeker for helping me with this chapter. I think my muse went on vacation because, I knew what I wanted to say, but, I was finding it hard to put that across. Doesn't help that it's bridge between the kiss and the next chapter, but, this wonderful person helped me find a way to get it across perfectly I feel. So, thank you so very much my dear).

Catheryn pulled the cloak tightly around her, the elation of just moments ago slowly ebbing away as the concern for her companions grew. The kiss was very much still on her mind, the warmth and the tenderness of the moment would leave an echo for a long time yet to come, but she knew she couldn't dwell on it, lest the moment be ruined by the urgent need that her companions had for her at this precise moment, so, instead, she used it as a shield of warmth to prepare herself for the night ahead.  
Her eyes fell to the Elves who were rushing about the camp, some were gathering weapons and making their way to the camps edge, probably to make sure the group hadn't been followed by anything whilst making their way here. Others were gathering supplies, bandages, robes and other such items that would be needed through the night. Catheryn hesitated for a moment, not exactly sure where she would be best suited and wondering whether her presence would simply just get in the way.

'Catheryn!'

Turning her head, she eyed the old mage with a great deal of surprise, noting that she seemed to have come out with barely a scratch on her. She seemed a little shaken, that was for sure, but other than that, she still managed to look at Catheryn with that same motherly expression as she always did.

'Wynne, what happened?'

'We don't have much time to talk right now, but, we will later. I am needed.'

'But you must rest.'

'I will be fine my dear, once I have tended to the others, then I can rest, but for now, their need is far more urgent.'

Feeling a great surge of affection for the woman, Catheryn watched as she disappeared into a tent, leaving Catheryn with the cool wind sweeping through her hair. In the absence of her own mother, Wynne had definitely taken that mantle and, was capable of giving her the exact same lectures and looks that made her feel as though she had done something utterly foolish. She didn't mind though, she took comfort in it. Wynne would never replace her mother but, she liked the fact that there was someone willing to look out for her in such a way.

Sighing softly, Catheryn followed Wynne into the tent, to be greeted with the sight of Zevran, who, literally, looked as though he had been thrown against a tree. Chewing on her lip, she moved forward, the elf's blond hair stained with blood, a bandage wrapped tightly around his head. He was out cold, and the only signs of life were the fact that his chest was rising and falling in time with his breathing. Again, she felt a twinge of pain as she looked at him, wondering if things would have turned out differently if Loghain, at least, had been there to fight. Rather than being with the group that she had formed on her travels, she had been with a man she had only just met, forgetting about the world outside, forgetting that any of them existed. She felt cruel and selfish and yet, even though she tried to hate herself, she didn't regret a single moment of what had happened, the only thing she wished she could have changed was the fact that her friends had been hurt.

Moving silently from the tent, she gazed around the camp once more, her eyes locking with Loghain's as she watched him from afar. He was currently talking to Orilon, a grave expression on his face, but, their look lingered until the Elf turned to see what had caught Loghain's attention, a wry smile coming to the lips of the Elf and, in a matter of seconds, a frown coming to Loghain's face, clearly responding to something that the Elf had said.

Eventually, after a couple of wrong turns, Catheryn found the tent Leliana was in and let out a sigh of relief, noting that the Bard hadn't been too badly injured either. She was a fine markswoman and, just as with Wynne, Catheryn came to the conclusion that their range had aided in escaping without too many wounds.  
'Ah, Catheryn, there you are.' Leliana's soothing Orlesian accent filled the tent just as effectively as a lamp, the cool air becoming warm, although, Catheryn had always sensed the hint of darkness that lingered in her words and her tone. Whether that was due to her days as a Bard in Orlais, Catheryn wasn't sure, however, it had taken a long time to warm to the woman due to this. She had struggled with the notion that the red-head had once been a Bard and was now a Cloistered sister. However, as the journey had progressed, Catheryn had found it increasingly difficult not to warm to her. 'Leliana, you are well?'

'I am and I am pleased to see that you are recovered as well. You had us all concerned, though, one more so than any of the others.'

Catheryn peered at her for a second, before looking away, trying to banish the flush that came to her cheeks when she heard this. A soft chuckle from the young woman sounded and Catheryn peered at her, still feeling slightly embarrassed.

'I have been well taken care of yes, the Elves have been remarkable in their aid to us.'

'You would have made it through the night without the Elves aid, he would have seen to that, even if it meant fighting all the Darkspawn himself.'

'I don't know what yo-'

'My Lady, forgive me, but, I have been around many women such as yourself, seen that glow that they get when they find someone who can warm their hearts and their beds...there is no need to be ashamed.'

'I am not ashamed, far from it.'

'Embarrassed then, forgive me for the wrong choice of words. They used to tell tales of the great Loghain in Orlais as well, his legend reaches to all parts of Thedas even if his actions aren't always so...grand. But we do not choose who our hearts find solace in, no? Then enjoy it whilst you can.'

Catheryn smiled softly, though, somewhat surprised that her feelings for Loghain were so clearly obvious to everyone. How long had they known? Had they come to the realisation far before she had or, was it simply the fact that they did not have the doubts and denials that had been running through her head ever since she held her hand out to him at the Landsmeet? Was she really that easy to read?

Loghain had been watching Catheryn as she moved around the camp, watching as her happiness slowly faded from her eyes, a slight sense of sadness coming to him as they were replaced with concern. For just a few hours, he had caught a glimpse of the true Catheryn, the one who didn't have the weight of Ferelden on her shoulders and he had found her even more captivating than she already was. Her warm, easy going ways chipped away at an armour that he had had for so long and for the first time in his life, he didn't care. A part of him wanted to go over to her and hold her, to offer her comfort when she needed it, but, he understood, these were her companions, they were her friends. These were the people who she had won over with her caring, compassionate ways, her strong will winning over even someone as ruthless as the Assassin or a being as battle hardened as the Qunari. Had he not witnessed these things for himself, he would never have believed the stories if he had heard them from another, dismissing them as idle fantasies.

Before long he had seen Orilon moving around the camp and made a beeline for him, the Elf quite startled by Loghain's sudden appearance in his path.  
'You do remember that I am a master archer yes? Keep jumping on me like that and you'll end up with an arrow through the chest.'

'I may be old, but I'm not that old, you'd still miss.'

'Oh, there it is, that's the old Loghain I remember.'

Loghain ignored him.

'How are they all?'

'Who...oh, you mean, your Lady's friends? They will survive, though, their situation is grim at the moment.'

'She is not my Lady.'

'Oh? Then I didn't se-'

'Shut up.'

Orilon laughed merrily, feeling the air prickle with annoyance. He did enjoy teasing Loghain, he was such a good sport when it came to it. Just as he was about to retort, he noticed Loghain's attention elsewhere and followed his gaze, a grin forming on his lips as he did so. 'No, she's not your Lady at all.'

Loghain frowned and looked back at the Elf, somewhat annoyed when he glanced and noticed that Catheryn was gone again. 'She is a Grey Warden, not a Lady.'

'Well, she is a Grey Warden and she is a woman, unless they get rid of all those parts when you join the Wardens?' The Elf's eyes shone with playfulness in the night sky, causing Loghain to simply huff and not bother with a response. 'You should go to her, I am sure she would be thankful of a little comfort right now, to have her knight in shining armour take her in his arm-'

Loghain stalked off, much to the amusement of the Elf who chuckled away into the darkness. Musing over his words, Loghain let out a sigh, annoyed with himself for being so easily taunted by such simple things. He was usually good at hiding his thoughts and feelings, after all, there was a reason that people would look at Maric with all the adoration in the world, and then avoid his gaze as though he were about to strike them down.  
With thoughts of Maric in his mind, Catheryn's mabari came bounding over to Loghain, rabbit, or the remains of what Loghain hoped was a rabbit, in mouth, looking incredibly pleased with himself. It took careful timing to make sure the excitable hound didn't knock him to the ground and instead, he raced around before dropping the half eaten remains at Loghain's feet. 'I see no harm came to you then.'

The dog let out an almighty bark and proceeded to try and wag his tail off his body.

'Huh, maybe you take after your name sake more than I thought.'

The Mabari tilted his head to the side for a moment, before giving Loghain up as a bad lot, taking the remains which, had clearly been a present and bounding over the next lucky recipient that happened to walk across his path.

Coming to the main camp now, Loghain saw Catheryn coming out of a tent, nodding her head with understanding before she turned and almost ran into him, she flushed deeply as she collided with him, feeling his hand on her back, ready to catch her so she didn't fall. She froze for the briefest of moments before relaxing against him, holding his gaze as a smile played on her lips. 'Well, definitely not the worst thing I've ran into whilst I've been in a rush...'

'Huh, I should hope not.'

'I should remember to do it more often now...'  
She grinned a little, though Loghain noted the sadness that still lingered in her eyes. He moved his arms around her and pulled her close, feeling her arms wrapping around him as he did so. He knew she was feeling guilty, without even needed to say a word, it was as though he could read all the thoughts in his head, just as she could read his. It was a strange feeling, but not one that he objected too. Breaking the embrace slightly, he looked down into her eyes, stroking her hair from her face once more. 'This isn't your fault you know?'

'But if I-' Her words were silenced by his lips on hers once more and she didn't even bother to try and fight it because, it was impossible. Relaxing into the kiss, her arms worked their way around his neck, feeling him pull her tight to him before it faded, their gaze locking once more. Kissing her forehead affectionately, he pulled away, seeing the flush that came to her cheeks, a slight smile threatening to break through the stony exterior. He felt her hand slip into his and give an affectionate squeeze before she moved off into the camp, his gaze following her lingering look before she disappeared into yet another tent.

-

Catheryn peered into the fire at the camp, watching the flames as they danced over the wood, listening as it splintered and cracked from the heat. She was probably far too close, but she didn't care, she needed the comfort of the warmth that it offered.

'Catheryn, I don't mean to trouble you or pry but, this was found in the things we salvaged from the Darkspawn we killed last night...'

The brunette looked up at the speaker, taking in the white hair of the old, wise mage but not really seeing her. It was only when Catheryn saw the shield, and saw the mark that it bore, that the woman's words hit home.

'Thank you Wynne...'

Catheryn took the shield and placed it on her lap, her right fingers tracing over the sigil, shaking as they did so. It was her family shield, the one thing she had salvaged from Highever and then lost at the battle of Ostagar. She never thought she would see it again and in doing so, everything that had happened on their return trip suddenly came rushing back to her.

-

'I hope you don't plan on betraying her as you did Cailan and Duncan.'

Loghain froze, as though a sword had been driven through his heart. His fists clenched and he turned, his eyes falling to the white hair of the old mage, her defiant eyes locking with his, filled with a cool hatred.

'She is Young and she is naive, much like Cailan was, taking in the stories of the great Loghain, only to be betrayed at the last moment.'

His eyes narrowed as he observed her, taking in the wizened features, using every ounce of strength that he had to calm himself before his anger bubbled over.  
'The only person I need to answer to is Catheryn. It is her and her alone who needs to understand my intentions.'

'That is where you are wrong. She has a great many who care about her, and then, there is the Maker of course.'

'To the fade with your Maker! I have never been a holy man, I have never claimed such and I am well aware that there are many who care about her. Do not make the mistake in thinking that.'

'However, if you harm her or cause her any pain, I will track you down to the edges of Thedas if I have to and Maker forgive what I might do.'

The air was thick with tension as the mage's words disappeared into the night air, the ferocity behind them ringing in his ears. They stood and stared at each other, not uttering a single word, both as capable as the other at bringing down a foe with a simple look.  
It was only when Catheryn returned that the moment disappeared.  
Loghain gave one last dark look to Wynne before turning on his heel and walking away, trying his best to calm the raging anger that was threatening to overcome him.

-

'Did you know?' Catheryn practically spat her words at him.

Loghain turned to face her, naked from the waist up and she had to use every ounce of strength not to let her eyes linger on, what could only be described, as one of the finest chests she had ever seen. In fact, the vision before her was probably the most of any man she had been around and she could feel her cheeks growing hot. It was only when she noticed his eyes that the mood plummeted again, feeling her heart stop briefly.

He ignored her and busied himself by sorting his things out, resisting the temptation to look into those wonderful eyes, the eyes that could melt every inch of ice inside him, those eyes that could make all his resolve disappear in an instant and he didn't want that now, he couldn't want that now. He had thought about it long and hard and Wynne was right, a life with him would only cause this beautiful woman more pain and he wasn't going to do that to her, he wasn't going to destroy her. He froze as he felt her soft hand on his shoulder, trying to ignore the way the touch made his heart race.

'Did I know what?'

'About Howe? About what he was planning to do?'

'Catheryn, wh-...' Loghain looked at her, completely taken aback by the questions and the venom in her voice.

'Cailan was the son of your closest friend! Maric trusted you to guide Cailan. He didn't entrust his only son and heir to you, in order for him to be butchered the way he was! If you could do that to someone who trusted you with everything, it wouldn't take much for you to betray someone who would never find out!'

'Is that what you really believe? After everything we have been through so far? You believe that I am proud of what I have done and the lives that I have destroyed?'

'I...but...you didn't?' Catheryn stared at Loghain, the anger in her eyes and the venom in her voice melted away, replaced by tears that refused to stop falling. For so long she had been as strong as she could, refusing to give in to the pain, clinging on to the hope that she could truly avenge her parents, clinging on to the belief that he had some knowledge of it.

'I have never been a man to dwell on the past. We cannot change the past, we can only change the future and that is what I plan on doing. If you do not trust me, let me know now and I will continue the journey to Ostagar alone.'  
Loghain looked into her eyes but didn't say anything, the air around them prickled with tension, but not the uncomfortable kind, it was the kind that he had never experienced before, as though, their relationship teetered on the edge of the knife and, the wrong decision now would run the risk of losing her forever. He hesitated and his eyes went wide as he watched her turn to leave.

'Very well, then, I shall go, if that is what you want.' Loghain watched the young warden, watched as every ounce of strength that she had been carrying on her shoulders collapsed away. He moved forward and took her into his arms, holding her close as her tears fell, feeling the sobs rock through her body as her arms tightened around his form, clutching to him with all the strength that she had. Loghain held her, even though her armour was cold against his skin, even though her armour still kept a barrier between them. He stroked her hair but remained silent as her tears fell. In that moment, it was only her and him in the world. The others weren't there, this camp wasn't there, as though they were standing between reality and imagination, the real world and the fade and, whilst it had been a moment he had wanted for so long now, this wasn't quite the way he had pictured their time together. He didn't want her to be in so much pain because of him. 'Last night...it shouldn't have happened, it was a mistake, I-'

She pulled back and looked into his eyes, her cheeks still stained with her tears.  
'No, don't give me that! Don't look in my eyes and tell me a bare faced lie! I am not a child and I know what happened last night was right, it was good, and I know you feel the same way, so don't tell me it was a mistake. What did Wynne say to you?'

'She only cares for you...and she's right, I've done so many bad things, made so many bad choices...I don't want to end up destroying you the way I've destroyed so many other people...'

Catheryn stepped closer to him, reaching her hand out and letting a finger dance over one of the man scars on his chest, feeling him freeze for a second, his eyes closing as he relaxed and she knew full well that the spark that ran through her was felt by him also, just as it had when they had kissed, just as it had when he had held her in his arms. 'Stay...'

The whisper lingered in the air, the heat of his skin seemed to seep through the clothes that she was wearing. Silence followed, the tension in the tent was almost overwhelming and Catheryn felt herself drowning in the waves of emotion that were running through her at this very moment. She felt safe and warm in the arms of this wonderful man and, as the moments passed, the world outside began to melt away once more and it was perfect.

Loghain watched as she turned in his arms, his gaze falling to those beautiful eyes of hers. He realised, he had always had a weakness when it came to the eyes, something that lingered from long ago and none had made him as weak as Catheryn's eyes. The way she looked at him, the warmth in her eyes stoked fires in him that he didn't think existed any longer. She did not give him a look of expectation, it was as though she could truly see him, the man he was and she accepted him without question. When he looked into her eyes, the only thing he wanted was to get lost in them, to never have to look away again. He made her want to be a better man without even realising it. She hadn't ever asked anything of him, but here he was, wanting to make sure that every single decision was right so that he didn't disappoint, just as he had with so many others. But, he was also a realist, he knew that sometimes, things didn't go to plan. He certainly hadn't set out with the intention of falling for her, but here it was and, whilst he had tried to make sense of it every single night, he had now given up. Instead, he realised that she was his choice and, for some reason, he knew he didn't have to worry about lowering his guard with her, because, for the first time in his life, he felt as though someone was as willing to protect him.

Tilting his head down, he kissed her gently, feeling her respond to the kiss in an instant, her delicate lips against his, her hands running over his face gently as they shared the slow, sensual moment. His hands cupped her face once more, resting his forehead against hers, kissing her lips, nose and forehead affectionately before he pulled her into another tight embrace. This was a woman who should have been hidden in the bannorn somewhere, awaiting the arrival of her first or second born, being doted on by some Bann who wouldn't have believed his luck to have married someone quite so beautiful. Instead, she was here, with him in this moment, and, even though he didn't believe in the Maker, he had to wonder if there was some grand plan that he hadn't been made aware of. She had been thrust into the world of monsters and men, she had taken up her sword, risked her life, battled against all those who would oppose her, and most of them had been under his word. Yes, Howe had given the instructions, but Loghain had made no effort to stop them and it made him feel wretched, to think that he could have been to blame for taking her life. He pulled away from her, much to her surprise and confusion, looking into those pretty brown eyes and losing himself all over again.

'Loghain...'

'I'm sorry...I'm sorry for everything that I've put you through over these last few weeks. I shouldn't do this, I shouldn't expect, it's not fair, not after what I've done to you.'

Catheryn stepped forward and cupped his face gently, tracing over the features, taking in the ageing eyes, the lines on his forehead from far too much frowning. He wasn't the type of man that would be written about because of his looks and his charm, she knew this. Maric had been that man, whereas Loghain, with his rough exterior and his cool demeanor, he was anything but the handsome Knight, but she didn't care, to her, every line, every wrinkle, everything about this man was absolute perfection and he made her entire being soar in a way that she didn't think was possible. Kissing him gently, she rested her hands on his chest, feeling a shock of excitement as she did so, noting the firmness of his muscles.  
'You don't need to apologise...I don't care about any of it. I know I should, but I don't. None of it matters, not now, not when I'm here with you. I trust you, more than I've trusted anyone, I trust you with my heart, my soul and my... body'


	12. Chapter 12

Loghain looked back at her, his eyes locked with hers, the warmth of her gaze melting the coldness in him once more. It was in that moment, the illusion of Rowan finally shattered completely. In that moment, she was not Rowan, she was Catheryn and she was strong and she was beautiful and he wanted nothing more than to protect her from the world, to love her and to have her love him. It was a feeling so strong, so sudden, it overwhelmed all of his senses and consumed his very being and there was no way he could ever go back to how it was before.

Catheryn froze as she felt Loghain's lips on her own, so strong, so dominating and so intoxicating. In an instant, despite the thoughts rushing through her head, she responded to him, her arms wrapping around him even tighter, causing him to grunt into the depths of her mouth. He broke the kiss and caught his breath, holding her gaze once more, not uttering a single word as his hands sought out the straps of her armour and loosened them, pushing each piece to the floor with a thud as it hit the soft earth that they stood on. Once free of her armour, Catheryn shivered slightly, the cool air of the tent dancing delicately around her. She gazed at Loghain and threw off her gauntlets before she moved in for another kiss, her hands wrapping in his hair, his hands moving over her form, pulling her form tight to his own, both sighing into the kiss as, at long last, they could rejoice in the closeness that each had so desperately wanted.

Loghain pulled from the kiss once more and looked at Catheryn, remaining silent as he led her over to the makeshift bed, watching her carefully as she moved over him and straddled his lap, returning his gaze, her hands cupping his face with a gentleness he had not expected. It was a touch of innocence, a touch of inexperience on her part and suddenly, everything became even more clear to him. A smile played on his lips briefly as his hands removed the padded garments from her form, leaving her in nothing more than her small clothes.

Running his hands over the curves of her body, he let his eyes follow, taking in her shapely figure. He had only ever had glimpses of her without her armour on, so it had been incredibly hard for him to appreciate just what she was hiding underneath, but, right now, he could appreciate more than she would ever know. Her entire being was a perfect example of youth, of innocence, of a person yet untouched by the years that would follow and, she was here with him, in this moment and she was giving herself willingly to him.

'You are beautiful...'

Catheryn flushed as she heard his words and kissed him deeply once more, pressing herself against him, aching to feel every inch of his form against hers. Her lips found his neck, biting gently at the sensitive skin. He grunted into the soft skin on her neck, helping her remove his own clothes, not caring where they fell as he took her in his arms once more, one hand cupping her beautiful face, looking into her eyes as his free hand traced down her back, a smile coming to his lips as he felt her back arch and goosebumps run over her skin from his teasing touch. His fingers found what he was looking for and with a tug at the lace, the garment loosened, falling from her form, revealing her wonderful breasts for the very first time. He watched as a deep red hue came to her cheeks, her hands moved to cover herself almost automatically and Loghain caught them just in time, shaking his head and draping her arms across his shoulders. Holding eye contact with her, he lowered his own hands, placing them on her sides at first and tracing his fingers up slowly, inch by inch until they were at the curves of her breasts. His fingertips danced over the smooth flesh, feeling her shudder softly and twitch beneath his touch. With a kiss on her lips, both his hands cupped her breasts completely, revelling in the warm, soft, yet firm mounds, rejoicing in the sensations that were flowing through him and the way Catheryn shivered in his arms. His thumbs found her nipples, teasing the hardened nubs, rolling them in circles whilst listening to Catheryn's muffled moans of pleasure as the kiss they shared deepened and the passion between them grew. Breaking the kiss once more, Loghain rested his forehead against hers, their breaths dancing over each others face as they panted for air, their skin becoming beacons of warmth as they gave in to the desires that they shared. Loghain was completely taken by the young woman in his arms. Her smell, her body, her movements, all of them only made to drive his need for her deeper inside of him, until it was reaching parts of him that he did not know existed. A part of him wanted to take her now, hard, fast and give into this burning desire before it consumed him whole. The other part wanted it exactly how it was, slow, steady, passionate and full of love and warmth. His lips found her neck, kissing and biting gently at the tanned skin, allowing himself to become lost in her scent once more and all thoughts of anything but her disappeared in the matter of seconds.

Tilting her head to the side, Catheryn let out another moan of pleasure, trying to keep her voice down as best she could. Her heart was pounding in her chest, her skin felt like it was more alive than ever it had been before. She was feeling things, not only in her heart, but in other parts of her body that she never dreamed she could feel such things in. Of course she had explored by herself, she was a young woman but nothing she had ever done could compare to the feeling of being with a real man, and more importantly, being with the man she loved with her whole being. She had dreamt of what it would be like to be with him, but, none of those dreams matched up to this, the reality, and Catheryn would have given everything she had and more to experience this over and over and never have to go back to those dreams again.

She gasped as she felt Loghain's mouth on one of her breasts, one hand wrapped in his hair, holding him in place as his tongue danced over her nipple, causing shocks of pleasure to sweep through her body. Her free hand was running over his naked form, revelling in how a man of his age could still be in such fine shape. His muscles were still firm, his touch still dominating. He was completely in charge of this moment and Catheryn loved every second of it. Her hand traced over his shoulders and his back, over his chest and stomach whilst he feasted on her breasts as if it were the last time he would ever get to indulge in such a delicacy. Their eyes caught for a moment, holding each others gaze as Catheryn pulled herself closer to him, rocking her hips slowly, until she came into contact with the thing she had been searching for. Loghain let out a grunt around her nipple, squeezing her right breast hard as his left hand reached down to take hold of her shapely backside. Pulling her tight to him, he sighed as her hidden core pressed against his raging member, grunting as the two began a delicate dance of insanity, she rocking her hips against him, him pressing himself tighter to her, desperate to have her devour him completely.

Loghain let her breast fall from his mouth, his eyes heavy with lust and desire, love and want. His hands made fast work of the small piece of cloth that kept her most private space hidden from view. He felt her freeze as his right hand slipped between her legs, his fingers teasing the sensitive flesh of her thigh as he inched closer and closer to her core until finally, his fingers came into contact with the wet folds of her womanhood. He kept looking into her eyes, neither uttering a word as he slipped the first and then second finger inside her, grunting as her tight, wet core accepted them inside, causing him to moan with pleasure as he imagined himself buried deep inside as he took her for the first time. He had to compose himself, he had already come to an unspoken agreement that tonight would be slow, sensual, loving...the time for need would come someday, but that would not be today, no matter how much he wanted to become lost in a haze of passion and fire.

Catheryn bit her lip as she muffled another cry of pleasure, looking into his ice blue eyes, shuddering as her hips rocked in time with the teasing of his fingers. She could feel his fingers thrusting, searching, pressing against her very depths, driving her crazy with excitement, with want, with need. She felt him take her own, inexperienced hand and place it between his legs, pausing for a moment before her fingers moved to wrap around his length, teasing him slowly, a gasp of surprise escaping her lips as she felt just how hot and hard it was. She rested her head against his, holding his gaze as they played a very dangerous game together, both panting from breath as the moments passed, beads of sweat now trickling down their skin, the air becoming thick with the smell of heat and sex.

'I want you...now...' Catheryn panted these words, unable to hold back any more, desperate to have Loghain inside her, to be one with him. She had never given herself to anyone else but she wanted to give her whole being, her whole existence to him and it still wouldn't be enough. She ached for him, ached for him in a manner she didn't think was possible. Her entire being was giving herself to this man and she wanted nothing more than for him to take every inch that she was offering to him.

Loghain shifted slightly and pulled Catheryn closer to him, one hand cupping her face gently, the other positioning himself at her entrance, shivering softly from the heat that was flowing from her core. He let out a grunt as his length came into contact with her, resting his forehead against hers as she allowed him inside. Carefully, slowly, he entered her, allowing them both to feel every movement until he hit that barrier of innocence. He looked into her eyes, stroking the hair from her face and kissing her gently, deeply, their tongues battled in a delicate battle of dominance, her hips rocked slowly in his lap, tempting and teasing him. Both hands gripped her backside as he thrust into her, feeling her innocence disappear in that moment, feeling her tense around him and a whimper of pain escape into his mouth. Tears trickled down her cheeks, tears that he kissed away with all the love and affection in the world before he pulled back and looked into her eyes.

'I'm sorry...'

'No, don't be sorry...I wouldn't have wanted this with anyone else...I love you Loghain and I trust you, with every inch of my being...'

Catheryn kissed him gently on the lips, lingering for a moment before she pressed for a deeper kiss. Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, she sighed as his hands traced up and down her back, her core adjusting to the new sensations that now caused her body to shiver as the pain began to subside. She felt Loghain pull from the kiss again, his arms wrapped tightly around her form as he buried his head into her neck.

'I love you too Catheryn, my beautiful warden...'

With that, Loghain sat up properly, taking Catheryn into his lap and rejoicing as her legs wrapped around his waist. Her arms draped over his shoulder, her hips rocking a little more as she began to move herself on his length, causing Loghain to grunt softly once more. His hands found her backside and gripped tightly, helping her move her hips in time with his own as he began to thrust slowly and deeply inside her depths, shuddering with pleasure as her womanhood devoured him completely. His lips found hers once more, indulging in another passionate kiss, her moans of pleasure escaping into his mouth as she pulled herself even tighter to him, pressing her breasts against his chest so that almost every inch of their bodies were touching in some way.

Catheryn pulled from the kiss and panted to try and catch her breath, looking into his Icy Blue eyes as she rocked her hips faster to meet his own shallow, hard thrusts. Feeling his skin against hers, their sweat mingling as they gave into their passion, her heart hammered against her chest in a way she didn't believe was possible and in this moment, she felt more alive than she had ever felt before. Her entire being was calling out to this man, begging him to love her, to be one with her, for the moment to never end. There was only her and him, nothing and no one else existed in this world. There was no Darkspawn, there was no Archdemon, there was no endless fighting. It was just her and Loghain, she was his and he was hers. All her wildest dreams had come true in this moment and they exceeded everything she had ever thought could come true. This was no longer about a girl with a silly childhood crush, this was about a woman who loved a man so deeply, she could see his flaws and still love him despite them all. If things really did happen for a reason, if the Maker really did have a plan for them all, then this must have been his plan. All the pain, all the heartbreak, every single heart rendering step that she had taken from the moment of her parent's murder until now had been for this very moment and whilst she would have given anything for her parents to still be around, she still wouldn't change this moment for the world, not even if it meant staring into the very depths of the fade.

Loghain held Catheryn's gaze, looking into those dark brown hues that filled him with so much warmth and love. The only eyes in all the world that could have melted the ice that he had built up inside him since his time with Rowan. The barriers he had created to keep the world at arms length, they all shattered every time he looked into the eyes of this amazing young woman. It was as though she could see into the very depths of his soul, see the good and the bad, the angels and the demons and yet, here she was, still by his side. Here she was, in his arms, making love to him in a way he had never experienced before, tugging on his heart strings with every glance, with every word. Every time she took up her sword against an enemy, every time she offered comfort and support to her companions and every time she lingered in his presence a little longer than she should, he felt himself losing control to the beautiful warden. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't keep her at a distance and wouldn't keep her at a distance any longer. If the fight against the Arch Demon was to be their last, Loghain was determined to make sure he made the most of every second with Catheryn. He would make sure she knew how it would be to be loved by a real man and not any of the unworthy sots who would have been married to her had none of this happened.

Pulling her tight to him, Loghain moved slowly, laying her back on the throw that covered the bed, all the while still inside her, still thrusting slowly, sensually. He watched as she lay back, her hands resting on his shoulder holding his gaze once more. He held himself up, thrusting into her a little harder and faster, looking into her eyes as his grunts of passion matched her soft cries of pleasure. He tilted his head down, kissing her breasts once more, paying attention to each nipple before he slowly made his way up her body, finding the nape of her neck as he moulded himself to her. Her legs wrapped around his waist, every curve of her body fit perfectly with his, as though she had been made especially for him. He could feel her laboured breathing on his neck as his thrusts picked up pace, driving himself into her core, completely overwhelmed with passion, lust, love. He felt her shudder beneath him, her nails digging into his back as her own back began to arch. Loghain lifted his head, looking into her eyes as he drove into her over and over again, her hips rocking in perfect time with his thrusts, a shudder running through his own body, echoing the shudder that ran through hers. Without a word, with nothing more than a glance, Loghain watched as his beautiful warden gave into her need, gave into the sensations. Her eyes were heavy with lust, glazed with an intense satisfaction as he felt her climax take hold. He felt her buck and writhe in his arms, her core throbbed around his length as wave after wave of climax rushed through her body. Just the look of sheer, unadulterated pleasure on her face was all it took to push Loghain over the edge himself. With one final deep thrust, he felt his own climax take hold, holding himself deep inside her as he gave in to the overwhelming need. As the climax ripped through his very being, Loghain caught her lips in a strong, passionate kiss, lowering himself to her body and clinging to her as though worried that this was all a dream and that she would disappear the moment he opened his eyes.


	13. Chapter 13

It took the best part of three days before the group were ready to travel again and it was mainly down to the efforts of the Elves and Wynne that had contributed to the speed at which they had all recovered. It was quite something to watch them all emerge from their tents after only a few hours and, for the most part, none of them were any worse off for their ordeal.

Catheryn, herself, was exhausted, simply because the visions had returned with a vengeance and, they were more intense than ever. Whilst they had been easier to cope with at the start, mainly down to the fact that she now had the arms of Loghain to take comfort in, and the fact that he was there with her in each vision, it wasn't long before they had started to take their toll. There was no answer as to why she was more affected than either Loghain or Riordan, even though she had badgered Riordan about it to the point where Sten, the Qunari, had practically chased her from the tent to shut her up. It was something that was beginning to worry her, but, for now, she had no other choice but to make do and hope they would calm once more. The only thing that she knew for sure was that they had lingered in the camp too long, and, by the time they set out, they would be four days behind schedule.

She had found that the others were reluctant to discuss what had happened to them. Wynne seemed to be avoiding her at all costs, only giving her serious looks whenever they saw each other. Catheryn dismissed it as nothing, but couldn't help shake the feeling that the wise old woman knew exactly what was going on between her and Loghain and, she was making it quite clear that she didn't approve at all. Catheryn didn't care though, she didn't need anyone's approval, the only thing she needed were those arms that held her so tightly each and every night. It was only when she visited Riordan the next morning that she was given an insight into what had happened. It only took one look at the gore wound on his stomach for Catheryn to figure out what had happened.

'We were fighting the Darkspawn when they suddenly backed off. It didn't take me long to realise why. The only things that can hold them off are their generals, the ArchDemon or-'

'Ogres.'

Riordan nodded and grunted as his stomach gave an uncomfortable throb, causing sweat to form on his brow. Taking it as a hint, he rested back on the bed and looked at Catheryn. 'You've encountered them before then?'

Catheryn paused before she answered, her insides squirming as she remembered the first time she had encountered such horrific beasts. They were worse than the Darkspawn, the Darkspawn you could just make out as humanoid and, they went down just as easily with the right strike, ghosts of the things that they used to be, completely corrupted by the Taint within them. Ogres though, they were different. They were the size of a house, with bright blue skin, teeth as sharp as swords and horns as thick as tree branches. The stench that came with them was enough to overpower the sense, but, it was their brute strength that made them such formidable opponents. She could still remember the terror that ran through her as that giant hand wrapped around her waist, the sensation of every bone in her body wanting to give way as it began to squeeze. If it hadn't been for Alistair, she wouldn't be here at all and that was a sobering thought.

'Yes, you've encountered them before.'

She realised that her expression must have given that away and tried to shake the memory from her head. She gave Riordan a pained look and furrowed her brow.

'I should have been there, I'm sorry.'

'There was no way you would have fought anything.'

'Loghain should have been there the-'

'No, he did the right thing. I am not sure he did it for the reasons that I would have, but you have to get used to the fact that your companions, as much as you care for them, they are expendable. You are not. It would be far more beneficial for two wardens to survive than none. The life of a Grey Warden is not only tiring, it is also lonely and that is something you will have to come to terms with one day. We can only seek the company of one of our own, because, they are the only ones who truly understand the weight we bear and our daily struggles. But it is not something we have to worry about, we have all survived and we will make our way again soon.'

'The vis-'

'I know, I've had them too, we still have time. Get as much rest as you can, because once we leave here, we will barely have enough time to breathe.'

Musing over his words, Catheryn stayed there until he became too tired to talk, pausing to give one last look to him before she left the tent. She had noted how tired he looked and wondered if that was because of the recent trauma in his life, or, whether it was a result of being a Grey Warden. A part of her could see how the life of a Warden could be lonely, after all, it wasn't the lifestyle that led to long term companions, unless others were recruited and even then, a Warden was always living on borrowed time and it still gave her chills to think back on the words Alistair had spoken with regards to the life span of a Grey Warden. Thirty years, it seemed like forever when she had first heard the news, however, now, it felt as though it would be no time at all until she was facing her own end and she wondered if that time would come sooner rather than later for Loghain. She found, it wasn't something she wanted to think about or dwell on. For now, they had to concentrate on surviving the Blight, otherwise, they wouldn't even have a future to think about.

Loghain had been making himself useful around the camp, tending to their equipment and making sure that they had everything they needed. He was good with this kind of thing, it gave him something to concentrate on and left him feeling far more comfortable than offering comfort and support to those he did not know. Maric had always been the motivator, with his grand speeches that managed to stir the morale in even the most cowardly of Banns. He, however, wasn't blessed with such talents. Most of the speeches he did give riled rather than motivated. Even without saying a word, his very appearance seemed to put a whole room on edge and, whilst it had never bothered him greatly, he found that he did take comfort in the fact that Catheryn, at least, seemed to be able to relax around him. It was a strange sensation and completely new to him. Rowan had always been on edge, struggling with her own emotions and the task at hand and his wife, whilst a good woman whom he had loved deeply, always seemed to approach him with a certain amount of caution. Catheryn didn't seem to have these problems though, whether it was down to her age, or simply the fact that she was immune to such things, he wasn't sure, but he found that he could take solace in it.

'My Lord, er-'

Peering at the speaker, Loghain waved a hand before returned to the task at hand. 'I am no longer a Lord, you may call me Loghain.'

'Yes, I, forgive me. The shield is repaired as you requested. We have mounted it on to Ironbark, it will be lighter and stronger. I hope you are pleased?'

Turning from the whetstone, Loghain didn't even hesitate to show the surprise on his face as he looked at the shield presented to him. Ironbark was rare and expensive and the Dalish were the only beings in all Ferelden who knew how to work it in such a manner.

'This is too much, I cannot pay you for this.'

'No need, it was a request from Orilon and we were happy to oblige.'

Nodding his gratitude to the Elf, noting the relieved expression on his faced as he moved away, Loghain turned his attention back to the shield, feeling the weight of it . He knew well enough not to be deceived by how light the shield was. It would now withstand pretty much everything that was thrown at it and, for Loghain, that was more than perfect.

'Still sorting the armour I see?'

The soft voice filled the air with warmth and he turned, a smile threatening to come to his lips before he hid the shield from view, picking up the chest armour and showing it to the speaker, again, noting how light the armour was in comparison to his own. He had thought her armour would be lost, as it was secured to her Mare when the Darkspawn attacked, however, she had found her own way to the camp, although, the bite she gave him suggested that she wasn't best pleased with him.

'You seem to have acquired a dent.'

A sheepish grin formed on her lips as Catheryn stepped forward, taking hold of it before looking back at him, noting the smile now playing on his lips.'Didn't I tell you? Apparently I have a real skill when it comes to damaging my armour.'

'Well, it is preferable to you being damaged, that's what it is there for after all.'

'Hmm, if that dent had appeared because of battle, then I would agree, but, er, it was simply because I dropped it on the floor back in Denerim...'

The grin turned into a smile and Loghain could tell by her eyes that this wasn't the first conversation she had about the state of her armour and nor would it be the last. Shaking his head slightly, he picked up her sword and handing it gently to her.

'I have repaired the pommel for you and had the leather reset and I have sharpened it. I am sure your father told you how important weapon maintenance was, yes?'

Catheryn chuckled softly and stepped closer to him, making it incredibly hard for him to remain even a little annoyed with her. In all honesty, he wasn't annoyed and he hadn't minded doing it for her, but still, he had hoped that a stern approach would help her take the issue more seriously, but that had failed miserably.

'I will take better care of my sword and armour.' She slipped her hands around his waist and bit back the smile that threatened to come as she felt his arms slide around her form.

'I don't believe those words for a second.' Tilting his head down, he kissed her gently before he moved away and picked up the shield. Catheryn's eyes went wide when she saw it and he noted the instant tears that formed in them.

'The Cousland shield...it's fixed...when Wynne gave it to me, it was so damaged, I didn't think it could be saved...'

'I had one of the Elves take a look at it. They've mounted it on to Ironbark, so it will be lighter but stronger. It should withstand the battle ahea-'

The force of her embrace almost knocked the wind from him, his words getting lost as he tried to get his breath back.

'Thank you.' Standing tall, she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly, sighing softly as his lips found her neck, the affectionate and gentle kiss that followed caused a wave of warmth to rush through her.

'I know how much it means to you, it's the least I could do.'

'You have already done so much more for me than you could ever know.'

'And I still have so much more I need to do to make up for everything that I have done.' Catheryn cupped his face gently and placed another soft kiss on his lips, a kiss that told him she understood completely. 'It means the world to me, thank you.'

With a final kiss, she picked up the shield and sword, their gaze lingering for a moment before she moved off, the smile on her lips echoing on his own before he caught himself and returned to what he had been doing.

On the evening of the third night, a small celebration was held in honour of the recovered guests and the effort that the Elves had put in to restoring everyone to full health. They needed the break as much as the group did and Catheryn was surprised to see even Riordan getting involved with the festivities, as, he had always come across as incredibly serious. However, she figured that even Grey Wardens must know how to let their hair down every once in a while, otherwise, the severity of their duty would overwhelm even the strongest warrior before long.

With the food and drink free flowing, it wasn't long before most of the group were merrily joining in with the dancing and the singing and the storytelling that was unfolding as the night progressed. Catheryn had been swept up into a couple of these dances, though, she had done well to worm her way out of more. She wasn't the most elegant dancer, even though her Mother had gone as far as hiring a tutor for her, in the hope that it would bring forward the more feminine charms that she insisted were needed in order to win the heart of a man. She could still remember the frustrated exclamations from her tutor now and the laughter that had followed him as he pranced out of the ballroom in utter disgust.

Orilon had taken it upon himself to share a battle story with the group, a battle in which he and Loghain had fought, told with a precision that Catheryn found surprising, considering how much the Elf had already drunk during the evening. She was sat next to Loghain as the story was told and felt him twitch uncomfortably, however, he didn't protest and just listened to the tale, his expression a blank canvas as the story was told.

Not to be outdone by this, a very drunk Zevran took to the floor, his very presence seemed to cause a hush to fall over the crowd around the fire. He was captivating, there was no denying that and he had a certain charm about him that made it hard to look away. Catheryn noticed a few of the female...and male...Elves giving him lustful glances and, she came to the conclusion that she wouldn't be the only one who had a bed fellow that night.

'I shall tell you the story of a beautiful Grey Warden and how, she managed to defeat the mighty Zevran. It does not happen often, so listen well my good friends.'

Catheryn felt Loghain freeze beside her, every muscle tensing and his eyes narrowing as he looked at the Elf. Whilst the rest of his face was expressionless, those eyes told the whole story and revealed the anger that was building inside. She sought out his hand and curled her fingers between his, giving his hand an affectionate squeeze. Feeling him relax a little, she eyed him carefully for a few moments before turning her attention back to Zevran.

'There we were, a trap prepared with the utmost care and the Warden and her friends wandering along without a care in the world. Now, we had heard rumours about her compassion for others, so, naturally, one of our own pretended to be a poor, defenseless refugee who had been attacked by a group of evil bandits.'

Tension began to build among the group and Catheryn had to wonder what he thought he would accomplish by sharing such a tale. She eyed him warily, listening to his words, trying to work out what exactly he was up to.

'However, the attack did not go to plan. For I gazed upon her spectacular beauty and, I could not fight, it wouldn't have been right to take this beautiful warden from Thedas...'

'Zevran, don't change the story just because I beat you fair and square.'

He looked at her with a glint in his eyes and she knew full well that he didn't have any malice behind the story. Shaking her head slowly, she fell silent as his story continued on.

'Now, Catheryn, there is no harm in using your natural talents to defeat an enemy, it worked for me. Of course, from that moment on, I had tried to win the heart of this fair maiden, but, alas, she has been immune to the Zevran charm, as outrageous as that might sound to you all. So, I must ask...' In an instant, he was in front of Catheryn and Loghain, kneeling down and peering at the two with his mischevious eyes, a grin coming to his lips and a look of realisation coming to Catheryn's face.

'How did you do it hmm? You must share your secret with dear Zevran because, he had tried so long and failed and yet, the heroic Loghain comes to our party and sweeps our dear warden off her feet.'

Catheryn flushed deeply and looked straight into the fire whilst Loghain remained silent for a moment, the air was thick with tension once again and, she wondered if she should intervene before Zevran pushed too far.

'I am not sure I know what you are talking about.' His response was cool but calm, and yet, if he had spoken to Catheryn in that way, she would have known not to press the issue. But Zevran had other plans and he grinned.

'Oh, but, the lingering looks, the gentle touches, and then, of course, there is the glow in Catheryn that suggests she is not so inn-'

'Enough Zevran, drop it.' Catheryn glared at the Elf, their brown eyes locked in a battle of wits before he bowed his head.

'I apologise, I did not mean to cause offense my dear. I had always found that you always looked so sad, that it is refreshing to see a happiness in those pretty eyes of yours.'

She watched as he returned to his seat, the group was silent with the only sound the crackling of the logs on the fire as awkward glances ran through the group. Suddenly, a very soothing voice could be heard as Leliana burst into song once more and Catheryn gave her a silent nod of thanks, answered by the wink that was returned to her.

'Catheryn...' She heard the voice but didn't turn as she moved away from the group, stopping only when she felt a hand close gently around her wrist. Sighing softly, she looked into those ice-blue eyes.

'I apologise, on behalf of Zevran, he can-'

'There is no reason for you to apologise. I have been around worse and subjected to worse, both in the Outlaw camp and when I was with Maric. After all, it wasn't like his words were untrue?'

Smiling softly, she lowered herself to the ground and rested back against the trunk, feeling his presence beside her, followed by an arm around her waist. She rested her head against his shoulder and looked up at the night sky, noting the stars and their appearance for the first time since they had arrived here.

'No, the words aren't untrue.'

'Then, do not take them to heart so much. Let them talk and say what they will, does it really matter to you what they think?'

'Of course not, not when it comes to that...to us...'

'Good, then there is no issue. Although, I think your friend needs to work on his story telling.'

Laughing softly, she moved around him slowly until she was between his legs, leaning back against him, his arms wrapped around her as they both looked up at the night sky.

'I was never a party or dance kind of woman anyway. I preferred Tourneys or sneaking off with Ser Gilmore for a duel, rather than having to dance with another greasy Bann.'

'Ser Gilmore?'

'He was the same age as me, his father served my father and we grew up together. He would duel me, even though he was reluctant and, he was usually the one who would take the blame once we were caught.'

'And he never tried to court you?'

Catheryn noted the tone of his voice and smiled, tilting her head to the side to look at him. She placed a kiss on his cheek before returning to her original position.

'Thank the maker no, he was like a second brother to me. He held the gates whilst...'

Silence fell between them once more, but Loghain understood without her having to finish the sentence. He squeezed her gently and kiss the side of her head, feeling a deep breath escape from her as she tried to calm herself once more.

'I used to spend hours gazing out of the window at Highever, looking at the night sky, wishing for some grand adventure or for some gallant knight to come and whisk me off my feet. I guess I got what I wanted...'

'I am no gallant knight.'

'Oh, I don't know, you have your moments, you just refuse to acknowledge them.' Catheryn chuckled as he squirmed a little uncomfortably, showing, once again, that Loghain was not good at taking compliments.

'We always want the things we can't have, the things on the horizon always seem more exciting than what can be found at home. Maric was the same, obsessed with the sea, always making plans to go and adventure new lands.'

Catheryn noted that this was the first time that Loghain had mentioned Maric freely, without any probing from her or nudges in that direction. She felt a great rush of affection for him in that moment, and honoured that he would talk about these things with her.

'Maric was lost at sea yes?'

Silence fell between them as Loghain looked up at the stars, recalling the moment when he had heard that Maric's ship hadn't returned when it was supposed to. He had sent other ships out to try and locate it and, even when other Banns were giving up on the search, he still ordered fishing vessels to keep an eye out and bring news if they found any. It had been three months before Loghain had given up hope and, even now, a part of him secretly wished that his old friend would arrive on the peer somewhere, looking dishevelled but well, just as he had spent much of the rebellion. It was a foolish notion, but, even though they had grown distant once Maric had become King, he was still his closest and most trusted friend and, it had taken Loghain a long time to realise just how much he missed him.

'You know, the view from Gwaren can be breath taking on nights like this. When all this is over, I'll take you there.'

Catheryn took the hint from the change of subject and didn't press the issue about Maric. Instead, she smiled warmly and placed another kiss on his cheek before nuzzling into his neck.

'I would like that.'

Looking down at her, he ran a hand through her hair as she rested against him, a gentle smile coming to his lips as he heard her words. Wrapping his arms around her, he leant back against the tree and remained there, letting her sleep quietly in his arms, using the warmth of her body against his as a comfort from the thoughts that chased each other around his head.


	14. Chapter 14

'Do you think you'll be able to see the Darkspawn?' The tone was light hearted and amber eyes glinted in the darkness of night, filled with playfulness and mischief.

'I can see well enough, thank you.' The response was cold and distant, not unlike most of the responses, however, it wasn't annoyed, as though it were used to this kind of banter.

'Well, I just wanted to make sure, you're not getting any younger you know.'

'I seem to recall that I am still younger than you, Orilon.'

The Elf chuckled softly, fingering his bow idly as he looked through the trees, his hawk like eyes searching for the slightest hint of movement. There was a deathly silence amongst the world, but, even as they spoke, it was like it was being muffled by some unnatural force and it caused the hairs on the back of the neck to stand on end.

'Anyway, I don't need to see them, it would seem that I can sense them. One of the gifts given to a Grey Warden, apparently.'

'A gift? They sure like to try and make it seem as inviting as possible.'

'They don't really have much choice do they? Otherwise no one would join. I can understand why they do it, even if the reality is grim.'

'A reality made all the sweeter when you have-'

'Shut up.'

Orilon bit back the laughter that threatened to escape as Loghain glared at Aranost, who, in return, simply grinned and turned his attention back to the trees, his footsteps light over the ground, making barely a dent in the leaves and soft ground.

Orilon and Aranost had accompanied the group when they had left the camp. Whilst adamant that they weren't about to join the Grey Wardens, they did want to join the group for the final battle. This had pleased Catheryn greatly, despite the fact that she had asked repeatedly if they were sure. Loghain himself had found that he was relieved by the news, after all, Orilon was one of the finest archers he had ever come across and he didn't doubt that Aranost had been trained to follow in his fine example. They would be an asset more than a hinderance and they weren't in any position to turn down help that was so freely given.

'Do you know what the signal will be?'

Loghain stared at the young elf, amazed at the idiotic question. He didn't respond, he just turned his attention back to the forest, his senses prickling with tension as they made their way through the trees.

The group had made good time once they had left the Elven Camp, with fresh supplies, including food, drink and much needed thicker travelling cloaks that would help keep the unnatural chill of the Korcari Wilds off their backs. Loghain pretty much had to wrestle his old cloak off Catheryn in order for her to wear the much more practical one, much to her dismay. However, her protests had died the second the Northern winds whipped up around them. The horses seemed as eager as they were to get under way and, for the best part of two days, they travelled, unhindered by Darkspawn, with the only evidence being the black residue of the Taint that was left in their wake. Both Catheryn and Riordan had voiced how unnatural this was, especially as the Darkspawn were just as capable of sensing Grey Wardens, as they were of them. Loghain trusted their judgement, they had been fighting them longer than he had, but the worry in their words unnerved him slightly and that wasn't something that happened easily. The Darkspawn, however, were something much worse and it didn't trouble him, in fact, he figured that it was a sign of strength, after all, they were some of the most feared creatures in Thedas. To not be unnerved by them would be foolish.

Ostagar began to loom over the Horizon, with the Tower of Ishal reaching up to the heavens like a great monument standing guard over the graveyard below. The crumbling ruins were the skeleton of a once fine keep and, now the ghosts of battles past lingered in the air. It put everyone on edge, the veil between this world and the fade was thin, such had been the death that had been witnessed by the foundations of these old ruins. Something that should have been left as it was, a story of the old legends had become a graveyard once more and Loghain found himself having try and banish the guilt that was rising inside him. So many had died here, so many had died needlessly because of his own paranoia, refusing to see what the real threat to this world was, clinging to the hatred that he had for the Orlesians. He had let them all walk to their deaths, he, a man who had fought so hard and for so long to free the very people he had then allowed to be butchered. He tried to shake the guilt that was rising, knowing full well that dwelling on such things would be of no use, but still, the feeling lingered on and it made the journey even more harrowing.

They had found a small recess in the rocks, just outside the boundaries, and chose to use it as a place to make camp. There was no way in from behind and, watches could be kept, to stop the Darkspawn getting in should they decided to attack. There was no way of knowing if the three wardens had been sensed already, so they took whatever precautions they could and had to prepare for an attack at any moment. Loghain found himself lost in thought as they each found somewhere to rest for the night, surprised when he felt tender arms wrap around his waist from behind. She didn't say a word, just stood there for a long time offering her warmth to him. It was at moments like this that made him truly wonder if she could read his thoughts. Whilst they had a connection, one that meant words were not always necessary, and a simple look or glance was all it took to let the other know what was on their mind, this exceeded that. She always knew exactly what to do to make everything seem easier. Whether it was a gentle touch, a soft smile or, like now, an embrace where she didn't expect anything back from him, she offered a different kind of comfort to him depending on what he needed. Relaxing for a moment, he took the strength that was offered to him and then squeezed her hand gently. She knew the sign and moved away, again, not uttering a single word as she moved to tend to the fire.

Catheryn had been watching him most of the day, seeing his expression change the closer they got to Ostagar and the way his huge shoulders tensed, as though trying to stop a great weight from falling down on them. She knew this would be a difficult journey for them all, however, she felt a slight sense of despair coming over her as they advanced. She knew he had to face it, she knew he had to attone for the things he had done, for his own sake more than anyone elses, but that didn't make it any easier to watch and as much as she wanted to be by his side for this, this was something she could never share in. It was his own grief, his own guilt and he had to come to terms with it and she understood that better than anyone else, even if it was painful to watch.

Tending to the fire, her thoughts lost as she watched the flames spring to life, she heard the voices of Orilon and Aranost filtering through until she looked up at the pair. She had grown incredibly fond of them, slightly in awe of Orilon, for the stories of the Night Elves were grand indeed and Aranost had an easy charm about him that eased the tension in a heart beat. They were currently engaged with Riordan, who was nodding along with whatever it was they were talking about.

'It makes sense, our eyes give us a huge advantage, not to mention, we are quick on our feet. We can be there and back again before midnight falls and, it would be safer than a Warden going out there.'

'I agree, we need to get an idea on their numbers and then we can plan the best route. I want to avoid as much fighting as possible as we're already running late.'

'We will be back before you know it.'

Catheryn frowned softly as she watched them leave but she didn't stop them, she had started to learn that she couldn't protect everyone and in fact, she had to let them do the things they wanted to do because they could.

Sure to their word, the two Elves returned when they said they would, but the look on their faces didn't exactly fill Catheryn with confidence. As they sat down to eat, they gazed at her, Loghain and Riordan, the only three who hadn't yet fallen asleep, save for Sten who was currently keeping guard with Maric for company.

'Well, do you want the good news or the bad news? The good news...well, there isn't much. The bad news is, the Darkspawn are situated in groups all around the boundaries, they seem to be pretty even in size.'

'If I remember rightly, they will have the cover of the trees this side, however, there should be a ridge on the opposite side. If we can organise ourselves to charge from all sides, then, we should be able to press them together and dispatch them that way. More will come, but, at least we will limit the potential at attack from behind.' Catheryn blinked as they all eyed her carefully, feeling slightly uncomfortable once again, but confident in her knowledge.

'Myself, Orilon and Aranost can flank through the trees.'

'The Night Elves charge once again?' Orilon grinned a little, looking rather nostalgic as he did so.

'You could say that. It would make the most sense and we can dispatch as many of them as possible before they realise we're there.'

'Very well, Riordan and I can flank from the opposite side, along with Sten and Maric. It may be preferable for you to take Zevran with you as well, as he has the advantage of being quick and silent. Then, Leliana and Wynne can come in from the front, attacking those who try and escape and, it will give Wynne a good view of the fight for her healing magics.'

Catheryn peered at each of them and let out a gentle sigh of relief when they didn't argue with her strategy. In all honesty, she hadn't been that good when she first set off, but Alistair had left her to make so many of the decisions, she had had to learn, and quickly and so far, there were only a couple of times when that strategy had gone completely wrong. However, Darkspawn were unpredictable, so she knew full well none of them could take it for granted that this would be an easy fight.

'What should be the signal?'

Loghain peered at Catheryn when Riordan asked this and a silence fell among them as the look lingered on. Finally, he turned to Riordan and answered in his typical cold fashion.

'We'll know the signal. Catheryn and I will lead the attack.'

'Very well, we will trust your judgement. We should get some rest, I want to attack before dawn.'

Catheryn stood at the edge of the recess, looking up at the night sky, trying to banish the feelings that were running through her at that very moment. She felt as though they were being watched, as though she could hear the whisperings of the Darkspawn deep in the woods. Their hunger, their thirst for blood seemed to seep through every inch of ground, through rick and wood, lingering in the air like decay clinging to a rotting corpse.

'You couldn't sleep again.'

It was a statement, not a question and Catheryn peered wearily to her side and shook her head, watching as he stepped closer to her, his hands pulling the cloak tighter around her form before he too looked up at the night sky, his expression blank once more. She stared forward once more, mulling over the thoughts that were running through her head. Blinking softly, she followed as he took her hand, leading her away from the recess, far enough away to talk, but still be able to keep an eye out for any surprise attacks.

'Do you know why I hate the Orlesians so much?'

Remaining silent, Catheryn stepped closer to him, slipping her other hand into his, looking into his eyes, noting the anguish that suddenly formed in them.

'When I was about nine, the Orlesians came to collect their taxes. My father refused, so, the Orlesian Captain took it upon himself to make us watch whilst he raped my mother...to teach us a lesson. They had to knock my father out and held me there to watch. Once he was finished, he killed her and said the next time we didn't pay, it would be worse.'

Loghain looked at Catheryn and saw the turmoil in her eyes, a mixture of horror, anger and sadness, all on his behalf. She remained silent, which was unexpected, but, after all, there wasn't really much to say to make any of it better and to this day, Maric had been the only one he had revealed it to.

Touching her cheek gently, he bathed in the warmth from her eyes, taking comfort in them, feeling her lean her head against his hand.

'There is nothing wrong with still hating Howe. You could kill him a hundred times over and it wouldn't bring your parents back, it would never make that anger or hatred any easier. But, as I have learned, you have to let go of that anger, otherwise it will eat you up and turn you into a shell of the woman that you are now.'

'It's not that I feel angry so much now...I feel ashamed.'

'Why?'

'Because I hate Howe more than I hate the Darkspawn. He is dead and still, I loathe him more than I do those monsters. They are said to be evil itself, and yet, I still can't find the capacity to hate them as much as I should. I will fight them, I will kill them, because that is what needs to be done, but, I cannot hate them.'

'There is nothing wrong with that, but at least you have the sense to realise that they are the true threat and not do what I did.'

'I understand why you did it though, I do. I never wanted to be a Grey Warden...I would have preferred to have to go into battle beside Fergus. When Duncan made the deal with my father, I didn't see the chance to help Ferelden, I saw the chance to avenge my family...which goes against everything the Grey Wardens stands for.'

Catheryn blinked as a smile came to Loghain's lips, before he pulled her into an embrace, his voice still low as he talked.

'And I had no interest in joining the rebellion when Maric was thrown, quite literally, into my lap. I was quite content with the Outlaws, with my father and the people who followed us. It wasn't the best life, but, we got by. But, it would seem, if there is a Maker, he had other plans, because then I joined the rebellion, I became Commander, I was a friend and a confidant to the King. I struggled with it at first, but, you get used to the duty once it moulds itself to you.'

Catheryn fell silent and rested her head against his chest plate, slightly disappointed that the cold steel was now between them, rather than the warmth of his skin, but, she took warmth from the gesture at least and smiled as his fingers ran through her hair. Tilting her head up, she looked into his eyes once more and let the gaze linger. She didn't need to ask how he knew what was troubling her, deep down, she already had her answer. She had always dreamed of the love that would sweep her off her feet and leave her feeling breathless...she had never even contemplated a connection as deep as what she was forming with Loghain. They never mentioned that in the stories, those stories all about how Princess was swept off her feet by the handsome Prince and they lived happily ever after, that never explained how it was possible to look past all the flaws in someone and simply accept them.

Loghain watched as Orilon peered around a tree, his arrow trained on a Darkspawn just off in the distance. Aranost followed suit, carefully selecting a second, whilst Loghain held back, his own arrow on the last of the group, watching and waiting, careful not to disturb the ground too much, should he make too much sound. It was a tense wait, his eyes strained to see the clearing through the mass of trees. For a moment, he wondered if Catheryn and Riordan had been intercepted, but he chased away that thought, he would know if anything had happened to her. Taking a deep breath, he released it slowly and then, the signal came and in unison, the three of them let their arrows fly, the sounds of falling Darkspawn filling the night air.


	15. Chapter 15

Catheryn thrust her sword into the Darkspawn's neck, barely in time to notice the black blood gush from the wound as it fell to the floor before the next one was on top of her, swords parrying blow for blow, the ring of metal on metal ringing into the early morning air. There were far more Darkspawn than they had anticipated, but Catheryn had faith in her companions and, more importantly, she believed in herself. The crunch of bones as her shield connected with a face would have sickened her at one point, but now, it had become second nature to her. She felt no fear when she fought the Darkspawn, she didn't even feel hatred. It was almost like a morbid peace set itself inside her when she fought them, but it helped her keep her focus.

It wasn't like the first time she had faced battle, then, she had had so much rage and adrenaline flowing through her veins, she thought she may explode before she got out of the Castle. She had always thought that taking another's life would be difficult, but it wasn't, not in those moments, not when she watched the shining wetness spread across the floor, nor when she had looked to her hands to see the red that covered every inch. It had been strangely warm to begin with but the speed at which it had cooled had been startling, as though the blood spilled on her hands were echoing the warmth leaving the life she had just taken. She found that she felt no regret for what she had done, there was no remorse in her actions as she had killed Howe's men and at times, it had been like she wasn't even in control of her own body, like she were watching herself from the outside as she hacked down her enemies in a desperate attempt to save her family.

Pulling her sword from the chest of another Darkspawn, she peered quickly around the area, watching the others engaged in battle. Orilon and Aranost were felling them as soon as they appeared, Zevran was sneaking up behind others, striking with deadly accuracy. Leliana was beside Wynne, keeping the Darkspawn at bay whilst Wynne channelled her magics. Sten and Riordan were fighting side by side, engaged with what looked like one of the Alpha's, judging by the Helm that it wore. Maric was rushing around the field with startling speed, acquiring quite the kill count on his own and then, Catheryn's eyes fell to Loghain, watching as he engaged a group of Darkspawn. Seeing his skill with a sword caused a shiver to run through her, a moment spent wondering how impressive he would have looked in his younger years whilst engaging an enemy in battle. It wasn't difficult to see where the stories had come from, it was a sight she never thought she would get to see and it was breath taking. However, she wasn't given long to ponder about the others as more Darkspawn seemed to appear, as though melting out of the very fabric of the ground beneath them. Two Hurlocs advanced on her, nasty polearms in hand, giving her a distinct disadvantage at that moment in time.

Loghain paused to catch his breath, cursing the years as he felt them in each and every muscle. It had been long, too long, since he had been in a fight that had lasted this long or had tested him this much. Even the duel with Catheryn had at least been over much faster than this. It took him back to all those battles with the Orlesians, even the way they were desperately outnumbered was similar. The only difference is, as much as he hated to admit, the Darkspawn were decidedly less intelligent than the Orlesians had been and this made them easier to kill.

As he caught his breath, he looked around the field, the number of Darkspawn seemed to be thinning slowly, although, he was sure there were plenty more to take the place of the fallen. He recalled the time back in the Deep Roads, trying to get back to Gwaren. If it hadn't been for the Legion of the Dead, the Dwarves that actually volunteered to go and fight the Darkspawn to regain respect for their families, he, Maric, Rowan and Katriel would have been dead within minutes, such was the intensity of the attack. They would willingly step over the fallen just to try and get to their targets, so much so in fact, it was as though they hadn't noticed their fellows at all. The only thing they cared about were killing the four new intruders into their domain, however, luckily, their hatred for the Dwarves ascended even that and, for the first time in a long time, luck had been on their side.

His eyes fell to Catheryn, relief etched on his face as he noted the helm that she was wearing. It had troubled him, ever since the night she had ran off from the group, that she never wore one, despite the danger surrounding them. At least when she did enter battle, she wasn't that foolhardy, which was something to take comfort in at least. He watched as she parried an attack from one side, sweeping the polearm out of range as she used her speed to gain on her attacker. The tip of her sword could be seen glinting out the back of the Darkspawn before it fell the floor with a thud. She wasn't fast enough to move out of the way of the second one, stumbling over the body of the fallen as she tried to evade the attack. Feeling his heart rate increase tenfold, Loghain watched on, helpless, for he was too far away and the others were too busy with their own fights to notice.

Catheryn cursed as she hit the ground, feeling her sword slide out of her finger tips with such delicate grace, it was as though she had done it on purpose. She heard it land with a thud but didn't dare take her eyes off the Hurlock, watching as it prepared to strike, polearm in hand. In a flash of light, Catheryn blocked the attack with her shield, impressed at how the Ironbark withstood the impact, the paintwork of the Cousland family crest was the only thing to take any damage. A roar of frustration sounded out as it attempted to strike once again, Catheryn rolling to the side just in time. Taking hold of the polearm she pushed back hard, hearing it connect with the nose of her attacker before she yanked it out his grasp. With startling speed, she turned the polearm around and drove it into the Darkspawns throat, black blood oozing from the wound, dead before it hit the ground. She panted softly, glancing around to try and locate her sword, only to find Loghain had it in hand. With a nod, he threw it to her, catching it perfectly before she turned her attention back to the field, her brow raised in confusion as the Darkspawn began to retreat, the ground slick with gore and black blood, the stench seeming to penetrate down to the very depths of the lungs.

'They're regrouping...getting into the grounds will be such fun.' Catheryn's voice was muffled by her helm, but she pushed the visor up and grinned a little, watching as Loghain pushed his own visor up, his eyes narrowing as he watched the retreating Darkspawn. Just as he was about to answer, the others had made their way over to them, Maric bounding over to Catheryn, his fur slick with grime, but otherwise, he looked unharmed. In fact, it appeared as though they had all got away with minimal injuries, something that unnerved Catheryn greatly.

Once they had checked for any injuries, the group advanced into the foundations of Ostagar, one tentative step at a time. The sun was rising now, giving them a better view of their surroundings, but it was a gruesome sight to behold. Rotting corpses littered the ground where they walked, the stench of death and decay hung in the air like a veil of death constricting around them as they moved. Most of the corpses were naked, looted for their armour and weapons by the Darkspawn. Some were mere skeletons now, whilst others were covered in rot and black grime. The sound of flies buzzing could be heard all around them, an eery sound in the otherwise silent world.

Catheryn sensed the tension in the group, the silence that had fallen between them was uneasy, a mixture of despair and anger as they moved through the first white archways. She looked at Loghain, but his face was blank, the only thing that gave away any of his thoughts were his eyes. They were distant, unfocused, as though they didn't really want to see what was around them. She couldn't offer sympathy, she knew this. This was one of the many things he had to face and, seeing the bodies of the men he had left to die wouldn't allow him to live in denial any longer. He had brought this fate on them when he had abandoned them and it was a guilt he would have to make amends for. Catheryn could give him all the forgiveness and comfort in Thedas, but it wouldn't make the pain or the truth of what had happened any less real.

Moving forward, Catheryn signalled for the others to wait, peering around one of the few walls that hadn't crumbled in these ancient ruins. It would have been a sight to behold back in its glory days, a gem in the middle of the wilds and now just a snow covered shell of ancient times that had gone by. The snow added a new problem, crunching underfoot as they moved, the sound echoing into the silent air like slow, eery drumming. So far, the Darkspawn hadn't showed and this unnerved Catheryn to the point where she was uneasy about moving forward. Long had she dismissed the Darkspawn as nothing more than a mindless horde. They were capable of acting and striking with the precision of Ferelden's best armies and their Alpha's were as skilled as the Commanders of their own armies. To take comfort in their absence would be a grave mistake and Catheryn was pleased as she sensed the unease in the rest of the group, every single one of them on the look out for the first attack.

'We are not far from where the King's Camp was...the chest should be there...or...we can hope at least. We will move as one, I have an uneasy feeling about the lack of Darkspawn.' Catheryn had returned to the others, finding no resistance to her words once again. She sighed softly, finding that it would be nice for someone else to take responsibility sometimes. However, she had wanted to be the great battle maiden, so this was all part of the duty she now followed.

Without another word, Catheryn went first, with Loghain by her side. He had been silent during the whole time and, whilst he wasn't renowned for his conversation skills, this was strange even for him. Of course, it probably didn't help with the constant deep scowls being thrown at him by Wynne, who seemed to be making no effort to hide her condemnation. Taking a deep breath, Catheryn hoped that they would be out of here before Wynne could begin to spout her words of wisdom once more. As much as she loved her, Wynne had a way of making even the biggest man feel as small as a mouse and, at this moment in time, that wouldn't do any of them any good.

The whistle of an arrow through the air caught Catheryn by surprise, her shield raising just in time to deflect it. Before she had time to gather her thoughts, more arrows were in coming, the group huddling behind her and Loghain as they use their shields as covers. Aranost, Orilon and Leliana returned fire whenever they could but, the group were pinned to the spot, unable to move whilst the Archers remained hidden in the crevices that filled the ancient ruins. Catheryn glanced to Loghain, who returned her gaze and gave a simple nod. She returned it with a smile and, then, realised, her visor meant the smile was wasted.

'Wynne, can you use one of your barriers around the group whilst we hunt down these archers? Riordan, Sten, if you take the east path, Loghain and I will take the West.' All Catheryn needed was the nods of agreement that came her way and she turned back, her shield still in front of her, deflecting the incoming arrows. She took a breath and counted to three and then, they rushed forward, leaving the others in Wynne's capable hands.

Jumping up on to the white stone path, Catheryn blocked another arrow, only to find herself greeted with advancing Darkspawn. Parrying the mace of one, Catheryn used her shield to knock back a smaller Darkspawn, feeling her heart rate increase tenfold as the adrenaline kicked in once again. She could hear Loghain fighting beside her, but the rest of the world was silent, muffled from the senses as an almost endless wave of Darkspawn bore down on them. Catheryn kicked out at one of the smaller Darkspawn, her heavy boot connecting with the skull with a sickening crunch before she thrust her sword into the chest of another, her breath coming out heavy and ragged as the endless onslaught continued. This was where they had been hiding, this was why they had retreated. They had lured the group into a trap and now, they were unleashing their full fury on them. Letting out a roar of anger, Catheryn pushed forward. The Darkspawn weren't the only ones who could fight with fury.

Loghain drove the pommel of his sword into the Darkspawns throat before moving around to cut the head off with a startling ease. He could hear Catheryn beside him, heard the roar of anger as the realisation of their predicament came to her. He watched as she refused to give in, to be taken for fools by the Darkspawn and he found himself slightly in awe of the young warden. Not only was she a fine warrior, but she seemed tireless as she hacked away at the enemies in front of them. There was a glint in her eyes, not one of anger or hate, but simply of determination. He had seen that look once before and suddenly, without even knowing why he was so sure, he knew that they would win.

Catheryn rushed forward as the surge began to thin, her armour covered in thick black blood, her lungs felt as though they were going to explode, her legs and arms burned with exhaustion and yet, she gritted her teeth, knocking Darkspawn over the wall, chasing down the archers with every intention of making sure they never fired a single arrow again. As her sword left the chest of the last archer, Catheryn made a point of cutting its head off and kicking it away before she paused to catch her breath. Hands on knees, she looked at the area below, Orilon and Aranost had found a good vantage point, Leliana had ditched her arrow in favour of her dagger and was now working with Zevran to keep Darkspawn off of Wynne. She couldn't see Riordan or Sten, but she was confident that they would be just fine.

'Wait...is that Cailan's armour?' Catheryn pointed to the Alpha that had just appeared, the gold armour glittering rather spectacularly against the morning sunlight. She felt Loghain tense as he looked at the Alpha.

'Not only does he have the armour, he has Maric's sword too. That sword is too powerful to be in Darkspawn hands.'

Catheryn didn't need to hear any more, with a glance to him, she nodded and the two of them leapt over the wall, landing with a thud on the now black snow that covered the area. Catheryn rushed forward, bring her sword up to parry the counter attack, her eyes opening wide as it cut clean through her own, much to her horror and dismay. It was only thanks to her quick reflexes that she dodged out of the way of the second attack. Looking around the area quickly, Catheryn lunged for a short sword dropped by one of the smaller Darkspawn. It felt dirty to be using it, like she would become more tainted just by touching it, but she was left with little choice. When she turned back to the Alpha, it was engaged with Loghain, who was giving a fine performance on how to dodge the sword. Again, she found that the only reason she was surprised by this was simply because of his age. He fought like a man half his age and again, it took her breath away, although, she did come to the sudden realisation that this may not be the best time to be day dreaming about him. Shaking the thoughts from her head, Catheryn leapt on to the back of the Alpha, her heart in her mouth as it roared in frustration and spun around, trying to get her off as though she were some annoying bug buzzing around his ear. Driving the short sword into the Alpha's neck, Catheryn grunted as she used every inch of strength to pull it clean through, watching as the head rolled away and landing rather heavily as the body fell to the ground. She still hadn't mastered the fine art form that was landing gracefully.

Just as she turned to congratulate Loghain, Catheryn felt a pain rush through her body like nothing she had ever experienced before. Every inch of her being felt like it was on fire, causing her to cry out in terror at the sensation. She could feel her heart beating at a rate she had never felt, as though it were going to explode at any moment, as though the very vessels in her body were about to burst through her skin such was the force of the blood pumping round her body. The pain lasted all but a second, but it had felt like it was going to last for an eternity. She heard Loghain shout, but it was far off in the distance, as though he were shouting from across a valley. As she began to fall, her eyes fell to the Emissary that was standing over them, staff crackling with sparks of lightning as he began to channel once again. Falling seemed to happen in slow motion, but the hard ground never came, instead, she heard the dull sound of metal hitting metal and could just make out Loghain's features. She wanted to reach out to him, but her arms were heavy and refused to move. Her vision blurred slightly, she could feel a warmth trickling from her ears and nose, that wasn't a good sign, she knew that much.

Catheryn looked around at the group, at her friends as they battled the Darkspawn, her vision coming and going. Loghain had been the only one to notice so far, but, at least he was here with her. She looked back at the Emissary, watching as a Giant Spider overwhelmed the Darkspawn, a sigh of relief sounding from Catheryn at the realisation. The group would be fine without her.

Suddenly, she felt scared, she felt terrified for the first time since her family had been killed. She didn't want to go, not now, not like this, not now she had Loghain. He was a ray of light in her dark world, a glimpse of happiness that she never thought she would have. She couldn't go, not like this, she couldn't leave him alone, he needed her just as much as she needed him. She wasn't ready to join the Fade, she had been given a reason to look beyond the Blight, to find hope in all the darkness and death. Was that really all it was? A dream? Was this her punishment...or Loghain's? She felt the tears trickling down her cheeks, but it hurt too much to sob, her breath constricting in her chest. She could feel his hands in her hair, but, they felt strange, like she were watching him do the same to someone else. She looked up into those Ice-Blue eyes, the ones that could always see into the depths of her soul, she saw the sadness in them. She tried to speak, she tried to apologise for leaving him alone yet again, but the words didn't come, and the world faded to black.


	16. Chapter 16

Loghain placed the cloth in the water, the warmth strange against the cool of the air around him, a small comfort for the many thoughts and feelings that were flowing through him at that very moment in time. He kept his emotions hidden, but, it was an internal battle against his own pride and the need to stop his fears taking control. It wasn't an easy feat, but, he fought it all the same and he had won for the most part, until now.

His hand shook slightly as he took the cloth and carefully removed the blood from Catheryn's ears and nose, touching lightly and gently, as though worried she may break beneath his touch, his eyes lingering on her closed lids, a sadness in him from being denied the warmth of her eyes, the tenderness of her touch and the happiness that even a simple smile brought to him. He had finally found the one he had been searching for all his life, the one who made him feel complete. For so long he had been convinced it was Rowan, yet, even in such a short space of time, he knew beyond all doubt that it was Catheryn. She had a way of making him feel like he was the best man he could possibly be, a way of making him want to be even better. Whenever she looked at him, he didn't see judgement or fear, all he saw was love and acceptance. He cursed his luck, cursed that they had been given such a short amount of time together. Why couldn't she have been around during the rebellion? Why couldn't she have been by his side once the fighting was over? He would have given all he had to have spent his life with her, but instead, in a cruel twist of fate, in the few days he had to spend with her he wasted so much time trying to push her away, and now, he risked losing her. It wasn't enough now to just tell her that he loved her, he wanted to show her, wanted to make sure that she couldn't doubt how he felt about her. He wasn't a man to ask the Maker for anything at all, he had never been a holy man and had never truly put all his faith in such things, but he found, in those few moments, that he was asking for her to be returned to him, to give him the chance to love her as she deserved to be loved.

A whimper sounded beside him and Loghain was pulled from his thoughts, placing the dirty cloth back in the water, his hand now resting on Maric's head, stroking his ears gently. The mabari hadn't left his side at all, watching and waiting just as he was, the look in his eyes matching Loghain's as the hope began to fade in both of them. The temperature was dropping rapidly and, the longer it took Catheryn to wake up, the more chance there would be that she wouldn't wake up at all.

'You tend to her with an affection I would not have expected from you.' The wizened voice shattered the silence, though Loghain didn't turn to acknowledge it. Instead, he made sure the blankets were well and truly tucked around Catheryn to keep her as warm as possible. 'Do not pretend that you know me woman!'

'Oh, I wouldn't dream of attempting such a task. After all, this display from a man who brought about the destruction that is all around us.'

'I tire of your ceaseless need to preach morality to everyone and anyone.' He hissed through clenched teeth.

'You love her, that much is clear, but you barely even know each other. Yet, you were willing to let men and women die, those you had known all their lives.'

'I did what I thought was best. Hindsight is all well and good, but it doesn't help you change the past.'

'No, nor does it bring the dead back to life. But their blood is on your hands.'

Loghain remained silent, ignoring Wynne as he felt his temper begin to rise, his fists clenching tightly before he calmed himself and looked back at Catheryn, running a finger through her hair gently.

'They discourage the Grey Wardens from forming such relationships. A Grey Warden needs to be prepared to do whatever it is that they must in order to stop the Blight. Love makes people selfish and changes their focus. Would you be willing to risk your own life to save hers?'

'If I can save both her and Ferelden, I would do so without a second thought. I would change places with her right now if I could, but I can't. I have told you once before, do not make the mistake of believing you are the only one who cares for Catheryn. I will not have this conversation with you again.'

'It would be nice if we could find a way to stop the Blight without either one of us dying then...'

Maric's barks of joy were followed by an attempt to jump all over her, and Loghain turned in an instant. He saw her eyes were open and pushed the poor mabari away to pull her into a breath-taking embrace, holding her as tightly as he possibly could, his face buried in her hair, taking in the gentle fragrance once more, the resurfaced warmth of her skin against his was like a blanket of comfort. Pulling back slightly, he cupped her slightly startled face, kissing her deeply before he rested his head against hers. Despite the battle that had just raged inside him, he felt tears prickle in his eyes, his voice breaking as he spoke.

'You gave us quite the scare...'

'It's a thing I do...You didn't think you would be rid of me that easily did you?' Catheryn chuckled softly and then winced a little, reaching a hand up to trace over his face gently, wiping away the traces of tears on his cheeks, her own eyes tearing from the intensity of his affection.

'It's mainly thanks to Wynne that you survived...'

'Ah, of course. Then I thank you Wynne.'

'It is no problem. That Emissary was powerful but, hopefully he didn't do too much lasting damage and Morrigan made sure he died an interesting death.' Wynne's response was in her usual fashion, suggesting to Catheryn that she hadn't ever worried that she would make a full recovery. It was to be expected, Wynne was a talented healer after all.

'I wasn't imagining the Giant Spider then...she came back...I'm glad.' Catheryn tried to push herself up but winced from the effort, thanking Loghain as he helped her sit up at least. Her head hurt and her ears were ringing slightly. Her legs and arms didn't seem to want to work properly either and she rested against Loghain as she looked at Wynne.

'It will take a little while for the healing process to be completed. Humans don't seem to take to lightning too well.'

'Imagine that. Where are the others?'

'They have gone to find the missives. They should be back shortly. Though, I wish to talk to you, once you have recovered fully of course.'

'Very well, we will talk soon then.'

Pushing herself up slowly, Catheryn felt the ground beneath her quiver ever so slightly. Her legs felt like jelly and didn't seem to want to hold her weight, but, she didn't have to worry for long, for he remained by her side, his arm now around her waist, offering his full support to her.

'We should find the others and leave this place. I don't want to linger here longer than we already have done.'

Without another word, the three, plus Maric, who had already bounded off ahead of them, made their way through the ruins, Loghain helping Catheryn to navigate, something she was eternally grateful for, however, she was beginning to feel a little more life come to her limbs with each step. The bodies of the defeated Darkspawn littered the ground as they passed, the snow now covered with black blood, the taint seeping into the cracks and crevices around them. The smell was overpowering and it caused Catheryn to heave on a couple of occasions. It was only through calming herself that it didn't consume her completely.

Coming to a stop, they were greeted by the others reaching them, the look of relief on their faces replaced almost instantly with somber expressions. Catheryn gazed at each of them, her heart plummeting through the very ground they stood on, just as quickly as it had soared at the sight of each of them, unscathed from their recent fight. She wasn't sure she wanted to know the reason behind the looks, but, they could not be ignored. As though reading her mind, Riordan beckoned them, remaining silent as they walked across the bridge, the very bridge Catheryn had first walked across when she had first come to Ostagar in a time that seemed like it was in another life, not merely weeks ago.  
The Tower of Ishal loomed closer, ghosts of memories threatened to overwhelm Catheryn but she kept them at bay. It was only when her eyes fell to the middle of the bridge that she and Loghain came to a mutual stop, both freezing at the vision before them.

He had been so full of warmth, of joy and excitement, his cheerful, easy going ways warmed Catheryn to him immediately, even if she did think he was maybe a little too excitable for her own liking. But his blonde hair, those blue eyes and his confident air gave him the very appearance that Catheryn had always considered would make a fine King. With his glittering gold armour and his delightful charm, the passion he used when he spoke of the fight against the Darkspawn and battling alongside the Grey Wardens, he was like a living memory from the many books that Catheryn had read, it was as though King Maric were living on in full colour vision, rather than being told to her in a story where her imagination was her friend. He had no airs and graces, he didn't expect people to bow down before him just because he was King. He had spoken to Catheryn like she were an equal, and right now, she wished that she could have matched his enthusiasm when he learned that she was the newest recruit.

The memories brought tears to her eyes as she looked at the vision before her, Cailan's corpse now held up by spikes, displayed for all the world to see, so they would remember the victory the Darkspawn had won at Ostagar. His blue eyes were lifeless, his skin pale and grey, that immaculate blonde hair was now lank and dirty and the sight made Catheryn feel sick to her stomach. This was no way for their King to be left, no way for the heir of the legendary Rebel Queen and King Maric to be remembered. He had been a good man, just like his father and was well loved by all the people of Ferelden. He should have had a hero's funeral and instead, he had been left here, to rot amongst the Darkspawn filth and it tore her apart.

Loghain was frozen to the spot, his face stone as he looked at Cailan, looking at what the Darkspawn had done and he felt shame and guilt rise up in the pit of his stomach like a poison. This had been Ferelden's King, this had been his best friends son, Maric had entrusted Cailan's care and well being to him, and he had betrayed him. He had left him to be butchered by the Darkspawn and now paraded like some morbid trophy as a claim to their victory over Ferelden. Loghain knew deep down that Cailan had been a good man, even if he did hold too much in the stories and fables of old. But who could blame him? Cailan had been raised in the shadow of the great King Maric and his Rebels, hearing the stories of their great victories over the Orlesians and how they had freed Ferelden. Loghain could understand his desire to eliminate the Darkspawn, to live up to the name left by his Father, so that he too would be seen as the great saviour of Ferelden, just as his father had been all those years ago.

He had always treated Cailan with disdain and why? It was down to jealousy, something that he hadn't been willing to admit to himself until the last few days. Jealousy over the fact that Cailan was Maric's son and not his own and how every time he looked at Cailan, he could see the result of the the thing that he should have had, not Maric. But that had been Loghain's choice, because it had been for the good of Ferelden. He had pushed Rowan away and into the arms of her King, because that was what was needed and his duty was to Ferelden. It had taken a long time for him to come to terms with those facts and it was one thing he had bitterly repented, even if he would never admit that to anyone else.

'We can't leave him like this...it isn't right...' Loghain felt Catheryn pull from his side and step towards Cailan, her movements slow and shakey, her voice breaking as she tried to hold back the tears. Silently cursing the way she could destroy all his walls, Loghain stepped forward as well and began to help her with the task of taking Cailan's body down. 'He was a fool...but even Cailan  
doesn't deserve this.'

Loghain was still angry with Cailan, angry that he would have consorted with the Orlesians and gone about arranging treaties with them behind Loghain's back. It was the sneaking around that had riled Loghain to begin with. Rather than discussing their options openly, Cailan had gone behind his back to the very people that Maric and Loghain had spent so long trying to drive from Ferelden. If he had been consulted, if he had been asked...no, he would still have been as angry as he was now. It had taken seeing the Darkspawn for himself and experiencing the visions that Catheryn had to finally make him concede that they may need help from the Orlesians. There would have been no other way for  
him to have seen passed his own hate and bitterness and it was this that caused him to react so coldly. When had he become so bitter and twisted? He wasn't sure he could remember, but now, now he had a reason to change that for the better.

'We will go gather wood for a pyre.' Riordan and the others moved away and Catheryn and Loghain worked in silence, trying to ignore the stench of decay and rot that came from the body. As soon as he was down, Catheryn placed her cloak over him to cover what modesty he had left. It wasn't much, but, she felt that it was the right thing to do.

Leaning against Loghain once more, the silence between them lingered on. It wasn't an awkward silence, nor was it an angry silence, it was one filled with understanding and Loghain was thankful for it in the moments before the others returned with the wood for the pyre. He could feel Wynne's eyes boring into him even through the stone walls of the Keep, as though they were glued to him even through the back of her head.

Once the others had returned, a pyre was built and with the help of Riordan and Sten, they managed to get Cailan's body on top. As the fire began to take hold, the mood of the group was even more somber than before, if that were at all possible. Each and every one of them had lost someone close to them, or had something to think about as the flames began to lick around their fallen King, the acrid smell of burning flesh beginning to fill the cool afternoon air. As she watched the flames dance, Catheryn thought about her family, about her mother and father, about little Oren and his mother, all the friends that she had lost the moment Highever had been put to the sword and torch, her life, her childhood, gone in an instant, never to return. She felt her eyes prickle with tears and wiped them away quickly, only to find that the more she tried to wipe them away, the more they seemed to fall. She cursed herself once again, cursed herself for letting those memories still haunt her as much as they did. How much had she seen since then? How much death and destruction had she witnessed since the moment she had fled Highever? What happened to her family paled in comparison to what was happening all over Ferelden and yet, here she was, crying the second she was given any time to think about them. It didn't help when Loghain took her into his arms, nor when  
his hand ran through her hair, nor when he held her head against his chest as she cried, but she didn't push him away, she was grateful for the chance to let it all flow once more, to give her the strength to rebuild those walls once more.

Before long, the flames were reaching up high, fighting to keep the chill of the world around them at bay, the smell driving the group backwards as each came out of their own thoughts, brought back to the reality that surrounded them. In the distance, Catheryn could see the Darkspawn reforming and gathering their lines. They had outstayed their welcome and it was time for them to leave this place, never to return, the dead to lay forgotten once more, to become lost in the tales and legends of old, heroes without any name who had given their lives in a hopeless defence of the Country that they had loved so much.

The group was silent as they made their way back through where the King's camp had been, making for the path that they had already walked hours before. They were weary and their steps were heavy and slow, filled with regret and guilt as they left those ancient ruins behind. There was every possibility that no one would ever come here again, that the ruins would remain long after each of them had passed, the years taking their toll as they slipped by. The walls would decay, the foundations would fail, but all that had come to pass during the Battle of Ostagar would linger on for many years to come and it was understandable that it would give them all pause for thought.

Just as the group thought they would be in the clear, as heavy boots set down on to grass, the ground still strewn with Darkspawn bodies and blood, they found themselves surrounded by Darkspawn once more. The way forward was blocked, there were genlocks and hurlocs on the frontlines, Alphas and Emissaries waiting to stop the group in their path. There was no way that they would escape without a battle and once more, the exhausted group took their arms and prepared to fight, for none wished to be left with those who had already lost their lives in this dreadful place.

It was a hard fight, the group had already pushed themselves further than they had wanted during the earlier fights, they were tired, hungry and in desperate need of solace and rest before they returned to the warmth of Redcliffe. The few moments they had spent laying their King to rest, to finally allow him peace in the Fade had been a few moments too long. The Darkspawn seemed to be tireless, never ending, the Emissaries battled the mages, the Alpha's battled the Grey Wardens with a renewed ferocity and with each one that was taken down, two more seemed to appear in their place, pushing the group to their absolute limits. Losing patience with the never ending sea of Darkspawn, Morrigan shape shifted  
once more, turning into the Giant Spider and carving a path through the Darkspawn with a malice that Catheryn had not yet witnessed from her. It gave them the edge that they needed, the Darkspawn suddenly more concerned with doing away with the great Spider that was obliterating their lines, rather than the group itself. They took the chance to make a break for it, to get to the cover of trees. Catheryn slowed to make sure each of them made it, watching as Maric bowled into the forest like a hound possessed, Orilon and Aranost firing arrows behind them as they too melted into the trees, followed by Leliana and Zevran. Riordan, Sten, Loghain and Wynne had fallen behind, the tired mage struggling to keep up with the group as Darkspawn gave chase. Catheryn felt her heart leap into her mouth, she was too far away to help. 'Wynne!'

All Catheryn could do was call out to the mage. Loghain heard the cry and turned around, silently cursing once more as he beat down his pride to go to her aid. His tired limbs wanted to seize up completely, but he pushed through the pain, driving back the Darkspawn to give her chance to disappear into the trees. He felt a sword pierce his middle and grunted, hearing Catheryn's yelps of despair as his fist collided with the Darkspawn's face, making it reel away with a roar of anger. Taking the opportunity, he dashed into the trees, taking Catheryn by the wrist and pulling her along with him, ignoring her cries of terror as she called out to Morrigan until the lines of trees became to thick and the Spider and it's Darkspawn enemies became lost from view completely.


	17. Chapter 17

'Please Wynne! There must be something you can do? Anything is better than nothing!'

'Catheryn, I can't, I am beyond exhausted and my healing magics are all but spent.'

'But...he came back for you...he helped you...why won't you help?'

'You will thank m-'

'Don't you dare! Don't you dare tell me that I'll thank you for it one day. This is my life Wynne, mine and I'll be with whoever I please! It is not for you or anyone else to judge my decisions or my choices.'

Catheryn turned on her heel, fighting back the tears as she paced back over to the tent, ducking inside it and looking down to Loghain, the cloths on the wound were already soaked through with blood and whilst he was still conscious, he was pale and had lost a great deal of blood. It was a miracle that he had even gotten this far before he had finally collapsed, causing them to set up camp not far from where he had fallen. Catheryn was furious with Wynne and her refusal to help and she was at a loss as what to do, because her own healing skills were about as useful as a sword pommel to the head.

'She wouldn't come then?' Loghain's voice was quieter than normal and the exhaustion lingered, his eyes locking with her's as he cupped her face gently, wiping away the tear that rolled down her cheek.

'She's a stubborn ol-'

'Perhaps, but, you will maybe understand her reasons one day, if you ever have children of your own. She is only trying to protect you.'

'I don't need protecting, not from you.'

'I know that and you know that, but, you can't blame the others for being skeptical...'

A noise outside the tent broke the moment, Catheryn moving to see who it was, only to be greeted by an up close view of Orilon's handsome yet weary face. He grinned slightly and tilted his head to the side.

'I hear you've gotten yourself into a bit of a predicament Ser Loghain.'

'I am not a Ser.' Loghain sighed heavily and rolled his eyes as the Elf chuckled away to himself. He eased into the tiny tent and squeezed passed Catheryn, making sure to brush against her, earning a scowl of disapproval from Loghain.

'Oh, you won't be needing my help then?' Orilon's amber eyes locked with the Ice-blue hues, Loghain shook his head and sighed heavily once more.

'I thought as much. It's a good thing I remembered to pick up some tricks from the clan whilst I was with them. I see you have kept that wonderful skill you had when it came to winning friends.'

'When they talk as much as you do, you would understand why I don't need friends.

'Now, is that any way to talk to your healer? And where do you think you're going?'

Catheryn paused halfway out of the tent, peering behind her once more and at the two males. 'I thought I would give you space...'

'Nonsense, you can stay, I'm sure Loghain would prefer that in fact and, you'll be needed to hold his hand, he can be quite the moaner at times...'

'Shut up.'

Orilon let out a bark of laughter that was so infectious, neither Catheryn or Loghain could help but smile in return, even though both were shaking their heads in dismay. Catheryn squeezed herself in beside Loghain and watched as Orilon removed the cloth bandages, wincing slightly as a fresh oozing of blood rushed forward.

'For someone who hates being called a Knight in shining armour, you certainly do a bad job in not acting like one.'

'I take it you are going to talk through this whole thing?'

'Why wouldn't I? It would be boring then and you don't want me to get bored.'

'This is true.'

'Why? What happens when Orilon is bored?' Catheryn glanced between the two as they exchanged looks, Orilon's dancing with mischief whilst Loghain's shone with disapproval. After a silent battle of wits, Loghain sighed and rested back as Orilon ventured into one of his very many tales once again.

'We were on a scouting mission, keeping an eye on the Usurper's movements and making sure that they didn't get too close to the rebel camp, because, that would have been a slightly problem.'

'Slight?' Loghain peered at Orilon through squinted eyes before resting back down, grunt in discomfort as the Elf began to tend to the wound.

'Hey, I'm telling the story, I'm allowed to point out the obvious if I like. Anyway, we came close to a farm hold, one that we knew was owned by an Orlesian. We had already sent poachers out to gather some goods, from this farm hold but, well, the army was big and we were hungry.' Orilon grinned sheepishly at the two before he continued his story.

'So, myself and another of the Night Elves, another Dalish by the name of Taendir decided that we would go and see what the farm had to offer, after all, the road was quiet that night and there was more chance of our stomachs giving away our position than anything else. We managed to make it to the farmhold without being seen. Now, we are archers, not rogues, so, whilst we can be left unseen if we wish, we aren't always known for being exactly stealthy...'

'You and Taendir were probably the least stealthy of the whole company.' Loghain grunted again as Orilon prodded a little too hard at the wound, grinning playfully as he did so.

'So, there we were, at the farmhold, gazing longingly at the Chickens running around their roost, when Taendir decides it would be a good idea to just walk up, as though we weren't stealing from the very people who were trying to hunt us down and kill us. The next thing we know, the chickens were going berserk, making noises I didn't even know anything in Ferelden could make and there was me and Taendir running as fast as we could from the farmhold...

'The pair of them would end up running across half the Countryside and back again before they realised that they weren't being followed.' Loghain was smiling a little as he said this, though, his tone was weary and Catheryn ran her fingers affectionately through his hair, feeling him take the hand and kiss the back gently before his fingers laced with hers.

'Well, at least we were careful...we had to make sure after all.'

'And all this because you were bored?' Catheryn perked a brow in amusement as she asked this, the tension in the tent had all but melted away thanks to Orilon's story. She had noticed the effect he could have when they had been back at the Elven camp, and Catheryn was thankful for it right at this moment.

Once Orilon had finished telling his story, he proceeded to teach Catheryn some basic healing skills that he hoped would come in useful to her somewhere down the line. She was a good student and listened attentively, picking up his teachings quickly and before long, she had enough knowledge to make up some of the basic poultices that they could use to treat wounds. She seemed quite content, crushing down the elfroot and smearing the paste on to the bandages, whilst listening to Orlion tell more of his tales.

By the time Orilon had finished tending to the wound, Loghain had long since fallen asleep and Catheryn was on the verge of dozing off herself. She was resting on his chest, listening to his heart beat and taking comfort in the sound, his hand dancing idly on her back sent shivers down her spine, causing her to fight off the other emotions that were now rising inside her, considering his condition and the fact that they weren't alone.

'There, that should heal nicely now, so long as you don't engage in anything too vigorous that is. If I am called for a repair, I'll know what you two have been up to.' Orilon chuckled as Catheryn flushed a deep red, his playful eyes dancing in the gentle light of the tent. With a nod and a final grin, he disappeared from the tent, leaving Catheryn to tend to the still sleeping Loghain.

Orilon headed back over to the group, washing his hands clean of blood in one of the bowls of water they had collected, the silence amongst them brought about by a mixture of exhaustion and tension. It had been this way ever since they had stopped racing from Ostagar and, even more so since Loghain had finally collapsed due to the blood loss. Catheryn had pleaded on a number of occasions for the chance to take a look at the wound, but it had been met with resistance, much to her dismay. Orilon felt for her, it was clear that she had sacrificed a lot for the group and for her task in general and he could understand how their resistance could bring her so much hurt. It was rare for him to feel any kind of anger, it wasn't in his nature, but, right now, as the group kept shooting tentative glances in his direction, he felt it bubbling over until he stood up to face them, his eyes falling to Wynne in particular, a dangerous look in his usually friendly eyes.

'Why wouldn't you use your skills on him?'

'Maker forgive me but,I was telling the truth, I am exhausted, I have spent all I have to spend. Did you not see the place we just left? So many people died, people I loved and cared about...Cailan and Duncan, you do-'

'Since when was it your right to cast judgement someone and refuse to give them aid if you are able?'

'I didn't refuse to give him aid, I could not give him aid. Plus, I am trying to do what is best, for everyone.'

'For everyone? Really? Do you really think it would have been the best for everyone if anything happened to him? He is one of the finest warriors that Ferelden has ever seen, not only is he strong but he has strategic capabilities that very few would be able to challenge and, he is now a Grey Warden.'

'Outside of the tower, there is very little that I can do without lyrium potions and my herbs have all but run out. I am an old woman, I cannot do the things I was once capable of.'

'I don't buy it, you haven't forgiven him yet for what he did at Ostagar. But what about all the lives he has saved? What about all the things that he and the rebel army risked in order to make sure you walked free from Orlesian rule? I served with him, I saw those fights and those battles, I saw what the Orlesians were capable of. That man risked everything he had to make sure Ferelden was free from their rule. He was the only man to even consider using Elves in the army. He had no qualms about working with Elves, despite the way others felt about us and still feel about us. He had no problems in rewarding us and seeing the use in any of us. You would condemn a man for a few poor choices, when he has saved so many more lives than he has taken?' Orilon let the last sentence hang in the air, with the intention of it being more of a challenge than anything else. He looked around the camp, daring any one of them to come forward and try and argue with him. None of them did, they just looked sheepishly into the fire, with Wynne looking most uncomfortable of all. Jumping at the sound behind him, Orilon turned to look at Catheryn, a soft smile on her face as she peered at him.

'Thank you.'

'No need to thank me, it is all true and needed to be said.' Orilon bowed slightly and Catheryn bowed her head respectfully in return before she stepped forward to gather two cannisters of water. The group remained silent as they watched her and she knew their eyes were on her, however, she didn't respond until she had stood tall once more and looked back at them.

'The next time anyone makes me choose between him and them, you will regret pushing me into that corner. I am starting to understand why there are no legendary tales about the Grey Wardens and their friends.'

Leaving the group once more, Catheryn returned to the tent, her heart beating at a surprising rate as she tried to calm her temper down. She had been grateful to Orilon for what he had said, even if his words had fallen on deaf ears. She knew they wouldn't listen, they never did, not until her own instincts were proven right. So far, everything she had done, she had based on instinct and it had barely ever failed them, so she hated that they put so little faith in her judgement at this time. She wasn't some love struck teenager who didn't know what she was doing, she had thought long and hard about the path that she was setting herself on and, she had embraced it, with open arms. He made her happy, he gave her a reason to want to wake up every morning and fall asleep at night. Was it so wrong for her to indulge in such a thing? It didn't make her any less focused on their mission or on her duty. She knew what needed to be done and she also realised that, when the time came, a great deal of sacrifice may be required in order to defeat the Archdemon once and for all. Was she really the only one who could see Loghain for the man he truly was? Or was it simply because he hadn't allowed anyone else to even attempt to get close to him the way that he had let her?

'You should listen to them...I am not worth you abandoning all your friends.'

Catheryn froze as she entered the tent, looking into his fantastic eyes, seeing the pain in them as he spoke. Crawling over to him, Catheryn placed the cannisters against the pole and moved over him, leaning down to place a lingering kiss on his lips, one that he returned, his hand running through her hair once more before it moved to caress her face gently.

'You are worth more to me than any of them...' Catheryn felt cold for saying it, but it was true, she had always kept a distance from them, even though they had tried to get close to her, to get to know her, to understand her. She had always used her grief and her duty as a shield. Perhaps that was the reason for their lack of trust and faith in her decisions.

'I have done so many bad things, made so many bad decisions. I have so much I need to make amends for and you cannot save me from the judgements of others.'

'I don't want to save you...I just want to be able to be by your side.'

Loghain smiled warmly and placed an affectionate kiss on her forehead before he rested his head against hers, feeling her hand dance over his chest and stomach, trying to ignore the shivers that ran through him, the stirrings in other parts of his body that seemed to make the temperature in the tent rise considerably. He watched as she moved over him, straddling his lap and looking down into his eyes. The gaze lingered for a moment before she tilted her head down, her delicate lips finding the nape of his neck, her teasing tongue causing a grunt of approval to leave his lips as it danced over his neck to his collarbone, a soft sigh of pleasure escaping Catheryn's mouth as she relished the salty taste of his skin. She paused when she came to the scar on his shoulder, tracing a finger lightly over it and feeling him shiver beneath her.

'Where did you get this scar?'

Loghain caught his breath and calmed himself before he responded, looking into her eyes, the look in them causing his heart rate to increase tenfold. 'That was when I was helping Maric through the Wilds...I was shot by one of the Dalish...' He grunted again as she kissed the scar once more, her tongue tracing down his chest and across his stomach, his fingers wrapping in her hair as his breath hitched in his chest.

'And this one?' Catheryn let her fingertips dance over the scar on his stomach, another shiver running through his body, all the blood he had left in his body seemed to be pumping to one place in particular. 'During the first battle for Gwaren.' Loghain paused for a moment before he continued. 'They are the scars of a hero that died long ago.'

Catheryn heard these words and looked up at him, placing a lingering kiss on the scar once more before she moved back up his body, looking into his eyes as she felt her heart break from the impact of those words. She placed another lingering kiss on his lips, an affectionate one this time, one which lasted until both needed to catch their breath. Pulling back a little, she held his gaze, caressing his cheek lovingly as she spoke. 'That hero isn't dead...he had just forgotten what  
he can do...'

'A hero doe-' Catheryn kissed him once again to silence his words, resting her head against his before she continued.

'You are my hero...'

Loghain heard the words and sat up slowly, pulling her legs around his waist, his eyes locked with hers as he basked in the warmth and the sincerity behind her words he could tell that she had meant them from the bottom of her heart. It left him speechless for a moment, completely dumbfounded by such words, words he would never have thought he would hear from anyone.

'Marry me. When all this is done, when we have found a way to defeat this Archdemon and we take that trip to Gwaren...marry me.' He wasn't sure where those words had come from, he was certainly aware that he hadn't thought about saying them before they had left his lips, but he meant every single word. If they survived the Blight, he couldn't think of anything that would have made his life more meaningful.

Catheryn felt as though her heart was about to explode, the words sinking in slowly. All her dreams, all her wishes, they were coming in true in the arms of this wonderful man, the only man she had ever loved, the only man she could ever dream of loving and wanting. Never before did she believe that any of this were possible. They had been wild fantasies of a girl who knew nothing about the real world, and yet now, they were coming true, as though she were living in some dream world and at any moment she could wake  
up. But she looked into those brilliant eyes and she knew all this were true, it was really happening and it was happening to her and it made her feel as though she could take on the entire Blight in that instant and nothing would stand in her way.

'Yes...you didn't even have to ask...you could have just told me we were married and, I wouldn't have complained or objected...' Catheryn smiled through teary eyes, watching as he returned the gesture, feeling his fingers wipe away her tears once again. But these tears were different, she finally had something to look forward to, something to cling on to, to give her that extra reason to make sure they both survived the Blight.

Hearing her response, a sense of calm warmth settled through Loghain, a sense that he had never felt before. There were no doubts, there were no arguments, everything felt as though it was as it should be and it was a new, yet welcome sensation to him. His lips found hers once more, their kiss slow, deep, passionate, his hands danced over her body lightly, hovering on her thighs as he gathered the soft material of the dress she wore, lifting it over her head, allowing his fingertips to dance over her soft skin once more. Her own hands making light work of his breeches, releasing him from the confines, a grunt of appreciation leaving his lips. There was no urgency in the moment that they shared, just a simple desire to be as close to one another as possible, to continue to overdose on the warmth and affection that filled the tent. Lowering herself on to him, their gaze held, their matching moans of pleasure muffled by their shared kiss, their heated skin pressing together, the beads of sweat mingling as they moved as one and, as they gave themselves to each other that night, the entire world could have faded away to nothing and the pair would have been none the wiser, completely lost in their moment of bliss.


End file.
